How Do I Know if I Have Repressed Anger?

Repressed anger is anger that has unconsciously been swallowed and internalized instead of being acknowledged and expressed. As a result, it lies buried deep in your subconscious mind.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. – Mark Twain

What is the difference between repressed anger and suppressed anger?

Repressed anger has unknowingly been blocked. People with repressed anger tend to be completely unaware of their angry feelings and often believe that they never get angry. Suppressed anger, on the other hand, is anger a person has made a conscious effort to control.

A person with suppressed anger is aware of his or her angry feelings but chooses not to express them to avoid conflict or perhaps because it does not seem like an appropriate time to do so.

Why is repressed anger dangerous?

God created us to be emotional beings with feelings that are meant to be felt and processed. Anger is one of them. It is a normal human reaction to a perceived hurt, injustice, or provocation, and is intended to be a signal that there is a problem you need to work out.

If you repress your angry feelings instead of acknowledging, processing, and addressing them in an appropriate way, they don’t just disappear. They will find alternative ways to surface that may not only be detrimental to your physical and mental well-being but to your quality of life as well.

According to chronic pain doctor and author, John Sarno, many types of chronic pain can be caused and perpetuated by repressed anger. His findings have been corroborated by other studies that have also found a connection between repressed emotions and a higher risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, digestive issues, stroke, and a weakened immune system.

Not least of all, repressed anger can build up as though in a pressure cooker until it eventually explodes and causes you to have a surprising, totally out-of-proportion blowout in response to what might be a small, seemingly insignificant trigger.

What are the signs of repressed anger?

Repressed anger tends to manifest as shifts in your personality and behavior. You have trouble expressing your feelings and setting boundaries and try to avoid confrontations. If anyone brings up a concern or conflict or accuses you of being angry, you tend to become defensive and vehemently deny it.

You may also experience a myriad of physical and emotional symptoms ranging from anxiety, depression, sarcasm, resentment, passive-aggressive behavior, being harshly judgmental of yourself and others, holding grudges, and/or getting easily irritated or annoyed by little things, to chronic tension, fatigue, digestive issues, headaches, muscle pain, jaw clenching, teeth grinding, high blood pressure, palpitations, and/or food addiction.

What causes repressed anger?

Several things can cause repressed anger, such as being rejected in the past for expressing angry feelings, or cultural norms and societal expectations where openly expressing anger is considered taboo and met with social stigma.

Most commonly, however, it is a response learned in childhood through early family experiences such as growing up in a household where emotions are not expressed, where anger is considered wrong or bad and something to be ashamed of, where the child is punished for it, and where he or she internalizes the message that anger is inappropriate and unacceptable, and learns to repress it and pretend it does not exist.

How can I release repressed anger?

Recognize the cues. People with repressed anger often miss the subtle cues that their body is reacting to an emotional trigger. These cues can include symptoms such as weak legs, tense muscles, headache or stomachache, queasy feeling, flushed face, pounding heart, and/or feeling restless, irritated, or on edge. Learning to be sensitive and attuned to these silent alarms can help you capture the anger and process it instead of repressing it.

Feel Your Feelings. Don’t pretend to not be angry when in fact you are. Allow yourself to feel and accept your angry feelings without judgment or condemnation. Name them out loud, and notice what part of your body you are feeling them in.

Is it your stomach, your chest, your breathing? Feel it as intensely as possible and use some kind of movement to release it, such as screaming into a pillow, punching a punching bag, kicking a can, batting a ball against a wall, going for a run, ripping up pieces of paper. Whatever it takes to get it out.

Soothe your nervous system. After releasing the anger, your nervous system may still be activated. Some ways you can soothe it are by doing some deep breathing, listening to soothing music, cuddling with a pet, praying, or reading.

Look beneath the surface. Lie down or sit quietly and explore what’s beneath the surface. Try to sense any underlying feelings and let them arise without condemning them. Sometimes anger is just anger, but often it is a secondary emotion that hides a deeper, more uncomfortable emotion such as fear, grief, shame, or hurt.

Journal. Journaling is a great way to process your anger. List out all your stressors and gripes and say exactly what you feel without holding back. Free writing about your feelings without censoring what you write can help foster self-awareness and enable you to recognize patterns and triggers. Ask God to help you bring your repressed anger and any forgotten memories to the surface and show you how to deal with them healthily.

Be creative. Creative outlets such as music, painting, dancing, or writing can help you express emotions that are difficult to express.

Find a physical outlet for your anger. High-energy activities such as jogging, tennis, weightlifting, kickboxing, scrubbing the floor, dancing, or even going for a brisk walk, are a constructive channel for releasing pent-up emotions. They help release the stress and muscle tension that often accompanies repressed anger and release feel-good endorphins that have been shown to improve mood.

Seek professional help. Therapy provides a safe space in which you can unearth and address your repressed anger, unravel the layers of suppressed emotions beneath it, and learn how to express it in an appropriate and constructive way.

Does the Bible have anything to say about this issue?

The Bible does not have a specific verse that mentions repressed anger. It does, however, have much to say about how we should handle it.

Anger is not always sinful. God created us to be emotional beings and has given us appropriate times to express all our emotions.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: … a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance – Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3-4, NIV

It is okay to feel angry. However, when we don’t address our anger, and allow it to fester inside, we open a door for sin to take root. Repressed anger can lead to a disconnect with God and give the devil a foothold in our lives.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. – Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV

If upon reading this article on repressed anger you think it might be something you are struggling with and have questions or would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location to discuss how we can help walk you through the healing process, please don’t hesitate to give us a call. Your first appointment is risk-free.