Grief and Loss

Few things in life are as devastating as losing someone you love. Those we love can have a strong effect on who we are. They often shape our identity, making it hard to imagine our own existence without that person. Whether you lose a spouse, family member, friend, or are facing the end of a relationship, loss can change your life in ways you never imagined.

Marie knew she’d lose her mom someday, but not so soon.

Marie’s life changed suddenly when her mother, Jill died unexpectedly from an accidental medication overdose. Although Jill had been sick, her overall health was stable, and Marie was in no way prepared for the loss. To make matters worse, Marie had just spoken with her mother the day before her death. Jill lived with Lupus and took a lot of medications to help manage the pain. On the day before her death, she was in more pain than usual. Marie tried to convince her mom to see a doctor, but Jill refused. Reluctantly, Marie conceded to her mom’s wishes. She went about her day, preparing for work and caring for her own daughter. The news of her mother’s death the following day sent Marie into a state of shock, denial, and immense guilt.

Loss can come in many forms, and we all experience grief in our own way. Grief is a reaction to any form of loss and can include feelings of sadness, anger, longing, and guilt. Bereavement is a term given to grief associated with the loss of a loved one.

Grief is a response to various forms of loss such as:

• Death of a spouse or family member.
• Loss of a close friend.
• Death of a pet.
• End of a romantic relationship.
• Serious illness of self or a loved one.
• Loss of physical ability.
• Life changes and transitions.
• Loss of a goal or dream.

During times of great loss, it can be difficult to feel God’s presence in your life. You might find yourself doubting God, questioning your existence, and feel isolated in your suffering. Know that you don’t have to go through this alone. God promises peace in times of trouble, and He will bring you out of this darkness. At Tacoma Christian Counseling, we strongly believe in the healing power of faith and as we engage together in Christian counseling, your grief can be worked through. We are here to help you find strength through many channels including the powerful wisdom in God’s word and effective Christian counseling for grief and loss.

Anyone who is struggling with loss can benefit from Christian counseling for grief and loss. Coping with the intense emotions, physical symptoms, and sometimes destructive behaviors associated with grief can be hard to manage alone. You might become stuck in a never-ending hole of grief, making you feel disconnected from others, and unable to think of anything but the loss you feel.

Marie couldn’t stop blaming herself for her mother’s death. How would she break the news to her eight-year-old daughter? How would she live without her mom? Marie felt utterly lost. Losing a parent is something that happens when you’re much older, she thought. She still needed her mom in so many ways.

We will all experience the pain of losing a loved one. Sometimes, we are able to deal with the emotions and adjust to life without that person over time. For people like Marie who experience a traumatic loss coupled with feelings of guilt, confusion, and an inability to fully function without that person, the grieving process can get interrupted and Christian counseling for grief and loss can be very helpful to heal.

The decision to seek professional help might be confusing. How do you know if you are processing your emotions in a healthy way? When should you get help?

You should contact one of our Christian counselors for grief and loss if you:

• Blame yourself for the loss.
• Find yourself stuck in spinning thoughts.
• Feel life is no longer worth living.
• Have thoughts of death or suicide.
• Feel disconnected from others for more than a few weeks.
• Have difficulty trusting others after the loss.
• Are unable to return to daily activities.

Tacoma Christian counseling for grief and loss will provide you with a compassionate, Christian counseling professional who will help you understand your personal experience of grief, while providing you with support as you work through your loss at your own pace.

The intense emotions caused by grief can have a strong impact on a person’s emotional and mental state. Sometimes, the effects are so debilitating that a person can lose their ability to function in daily life.

As time passed, Marie felt she wasn’t dealing with the loss as well as those around her. Everyone seemed to be going about their lives. Not Marie. She had quit her job, struggled to care for herself and her daughter, and could not escape the strong depression, anger, and self-blame that consumed her. Her mother was her strength. Without her, Marie felt an emptiness and lack of control like never before.

For Marie, grief became a sort of broken record of negative thoughts like, “I could have done more,” “It’s all my fault,” and, “This isn’t real; I can’t live without my mom.” These kinds of thoughts are very common in grief. Christian counseling for grief and loss will help you learn how to manage your emotions in a healthy way, so you don’t become stuck in negative, destructive thought patterns and behaviors.

Grief-related thoughts can include:

• They had a good life.
• I should have been there.
• I blame myself.
• I feel so alone.
• It wasn’t her time.
• At least he isn’t suffering.
• How could God take them from me?
• What is the point of life?

Grief-related behaviors can include:

• Bouts of crying and laughing.
• Sharing feelings with others.
• Keeping company with loved ones.
• Keeping busy with things like cleaning, exercising, and housework.
• Honoring the memory of the loved one.
• Isolating yourself from family and friends.
• Questioning life and feeling angry with God.
• Not being able to concentrate on tasks.

The Grieving Process

Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Some people move through the phases of grief and resume life as normal within six months, while experiencing sporadic moments of sadness. Others need about a year until they feel better, and sometimes people continue to grieve for years with only temporary periods of relief. Grief can be complicated by conditions like depression, loss accompanied by a traumatic event, or by the person’s level of dependency on the lost loved one. Christian counseling for grief and loss will meet you where you are in the grieving process and offer individualized solutions for healing.

Stages of Grief

While it’s true that grief is different for everyone, there is a general pattern of emotions associated with loss. Some people go through these stages in sequence, while others skip phases or return to previous stages throughout time. These stages include:

• Denial – “This isn’t happening.”
• Anger – “This is your fault.”
• Bargaining – “I’ll do anything to keep this from happening.”
• Depression – “I can’t deal with the sadness.”
• Acceptance – “This is real, and I’m going to be okay.”

Uncomplicated Grief

While Grief is a natural process, grieving well is learned in community and through relationships. Some people deal with the emotions in a healthy way. Going through phases of strong sadness and other intense emotions is a normal part of healing. While experiencing ups and downs in the grieving process is normal, those with uncomplicated grief show a general progression towards moving forward with their lives.

Complicated Grief

People who are stuck in grief and are unable to function on a daily basis might be suffering from complicated grief. Complicated grief is a disabling condition in which a person is so overwhelmed by grief that it dominates their life with little to no improvement after one year has passed.

• Persistent sadness.
• Longing for the lost.
• Preoccupation with the lost person or circumstances surrounding the loss.
• Difficulty engaging in happy memories of the lost one.
• Avoidance of reminders of the lost one.
• Lost desire for participating in activities.
• Bitterness or anger.

Causes of complicated grief vary. Things like environment or a history of depression can intensify the grieving process. If you think depression is making it harder for you to move through your grief, then Christian counseling for depression might help.

Dealing With Traumatic Loss

If you’ve lost a loved one suddenly, tragically, or violently, you might be dealing with a traumatic loss. Traumatic loss can be very difficult to bear, leaving you with physical, mental, and emotional pain. Effects of traumatic loss can include Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Symptoms of PTSD include:

• Reliving details of the traumatic event through memories, nightmares, and flashbacks.
• Avoiding people, places, or events that are reminders of the traumatic event.
• Emotional sensitivity, anger, fear, and feeling “jumpy.”
• Difficulty sleeping.

Losing a loved one is always difficult. When this loss is tied to a tragic event, you might feel that healing is impossible. With time, and the help of Christian counseling for grief and loss, you can learn to manage your emotions, and regain control of your life. If you are struggling with a traumatic loss, then you might consider Christian counseling for trauma.

At Tacoma Christian Counseling, we’ve helped people rebuild after loss. Whether you think you might suffer from complicated grief or if you’ve recently suffered a loss and need additional support, our Christian counselors are here for you.

Christian counseling for grief and loss is helpful for those who feel overwhelmed by grief and experience difficulty dealing with negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This can include individual counseling or group counseling for those who need support from others who are also dealing with loss, family counseling when family members are struggling with a loss, or trauma counseling for losses related to a traumatic event.

Marie’s husband suggested that she attend Christian counseling for grief and loss. Through counseling, Marie was able to let go of her guilt and actually grieve. Finally letting her emotions flow with someone who understood her was such a relief. She grew in faith and let go of her anger. Marie found ways to honor her mother and used her mother’s memory and life lessons to help her build a stronger bond with her own daughter.

We see stories like Marie’s regularly at Tacoma Christian Counseling. We are passionate about helping people find stability and wholeness through the love and mercy of Jesus Christ.

Christian counseling for grief and loss can help you:

• Accept the reality of the loss.
• Understand and work through grief.
• Adjust to life without the deceased.
• Maintain a healthy connection to the deceased.

There are many Christian counseling methods to help you recover from grief. Your Christian counselor will talk with you about your loss and how grief is affecting your life.

Your grief counselor might encourage you to:

• Find ways to creatively express your grief.
• Honor the loved one’s memory in a meaningful way.
• Spend quality time with loved ones.
• Take proper care of your body with good nutrition and exercise.
• Talk about your lost loved one and how they impacted your life.
• Set personal goals for the future.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to Christian counseling for grief and loss. At Tacoma Christian Counseling, our experienced Christian counselors are here to meet your unique needs and guide you towards a path of healing, acceptance, and peace. There is hope and healing through faith. In Christ, we can find strength, guidance, and hope. Our goal is to utilize all possible tools for healing, including the word of God, to help you find peace during this difficult time.

Grief Does End. We Are Here to Help You Find Peace.

When you suffer a loss, you might fear that you’ll never feel normal again. Although it might seem hopeless now, the pain you feel won’t last forever. If you want to learn more about Christian counseling for grief and loss, feel free to give us a call at (253) 777-1997, or contact us online. Our compassionate staff at Tacoma Christian Counseling is here in your time of need.

When does grief end?

Everyone deals with grief at their own pace and should be allowed as much time as they need to work through their loss. Be patient with yourself, and understand that it’s natural to experience times of feeling better followed by times of sadness. With time, healing is possible. Christian counseling for grief and loss can help you move past your grief faster and provide you with tools for dealing with periods of sadness in the future.

How do I help my grieving child?

The best way to help your child is to be there for them, and allow them to work through their grief at their own pace. If you are experiencing a mutual loss, talk about your feelings together. If your child is having difficulty understanding loss, or if they are stuck in grief or reacting to grief in a concerning manner, you might consider Christian counseling for children or Christian family counseling.

How do I find the right Christian counselor?

The first thing you want to look for is a Christian counselor who has experience in dealing with issues of grief and loss. Secondly, consider your unique situation, such as whether the loss was tied to trauma, whether the grief is made worse by depression, and if the loss is affecting your children or family dynamic. At Tacoma Christian Counseling, our website includes profiles for our Christian counselors with detailed information to help you find a counselor that fits your needs.