Getting the Right Help: Issues That Could Benefit from Family Counseling

Families are often precious spaces of nurture, security, and learning what it means to be a person. After all, it’s in our families that we learn our first and most valuable lessons about life and how to make our way in the world. There is another side to this, which is that families can also harbor deep and dark secrets, and they dish out pain just as easily as anyone who isn’t related to you. Families aren’t always safe places, making family counseling sometimes necessary.

Your family has a unique dynamic, and it’s connected to the family history and the personalities that form your family unit. Some families are blended, others are large and tight-knit, and still others are small and insular. What happens in your family may feel normal, but often when you experience other families or someone else experiences yours, you get a glimpse into how quirky, or perhaps how unhealthy your family dynamic is.

Family Counseling and Families

How each family relates to one another feels normal to them. However, sometimes they are unhealthy, and they affect the well-being of family members. Family counseling helps families become more aware of these unhealthy patterns, nurture compassion for one another, and develop the tools to foster more meaningful connections with one another.

Going to family counseling can be challenging for some individuals, because there may be issues of shame to deal with. Some families want matters to remain private, making it hard to seek help. Counseling will require conversations about difficult topics and things that the family might typically avoid, and this can also make it a struggle to find the help that they need.

Despite these challenges, the best thing that a family can do is to try and find help from a licensed, trained, and experienced family counselor or therapist. They will treat your family with the utmost respect and confidentiality, creating a non-judgmental space that allows family members to share freely what’s on their hearts. The counselor will help the family break through barriers and start learning new, healthier patterns of relating to each other.

Some Sources of Family Issues

While the writer Leo Tolstoy may have once observed that “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”, there are no two families that are exactly alike, and the way a particular family’s story unfolds won’t map directly onto another family’s journey. Having said this, there are some common sources of family issues.

One of the more common sources and causes of family discord is the lack of communication. When family members do not communicate their needs, expectations, or wants clearly, it makes it more likely that there will be misunderstandings and frustration from not getting what they want and need.

Another source of family issues is when family members have unhealthy expectations of each other. These can range from the child wanting their parent to provide them with every gadget they want, a parent expecting perfect obedience and perfect grades, or a parent not wanting their child to express negative emotions.

Third, unaddressed issues, such as unresolved conflict or trauma, can be a source of family issues. While it may feel easier to try and sweep issues under the proverbial rug, not recognizing and addressing trauma will allow for pain to fester and erupt in unexpected ways in the family. Avoiding issues doesn’t make them go away, but some families take this approach, to their detriment.

Lastly, another source of family issues is age or cultural differences. In a given family, there may be two or more generations and various ways of understanding life and how the world works. These differences mean that there will likely be differing and perhaps contradictory expectations, behaviors, or opinions about important matters. Struggles between teens and their parents often exist along this fault line.

Family members can respond to one another in toxic ways, which can compound the problems being experienced in the family. However, there is help available in the form of family counseling, and it can address many different concerns.

Finding Help for Family Issues

Through family counseling, a wide range of issues can be raised and addressed. Families of different configurations, dealing with different issues can all find help from a family counselor or therapist. Family counseling can be beneficial for addressing a wide range of issues, and these include the following:

Communication problems Family members may have difficulty communicating effectively, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Communication styles differ between people and can be one source of misunderstanding among many.

Conflict resolution When disagreements crop up, it takes skill to address them effectively. People differ in their ability to handle conflict – some want to face it head-on, while others avoid it at all costs. A family may thus struggle to resolve conflicts in a healthy and constructive way.

Parenting challenges Whether it takes the form of co-parenting disagreements, discipline issues, lack of connection between parents and their children, or concerns about parenting styles, sometimes a family needs help in streamlining their approach and finding ways to create deep and lasting bonds.

Blended family adjustments Family counseling can help with adjusting to a new family dynamic after adoption, remarriage, or divorce.

Grief and loss Families face loss of various kinds, and they may need support to cope with the loss of a loved one or a significant life change.

Financial strain Counseling can help with having constructive conversations about money, managing financial disagreements, and finding ways to plan, budget, and save together.

Infidelity and trust issues An affair breaks trust in the family, and counseling can help with rebuilding trust and working through the complex emotions that the betrayal stirred up.

Emotional abuse Through counseling, a family can identify and address the subtle or overt ways emotional abuse occurs, including manipulation, gaslighting, unreasonable expectations, constant criticism, humiliation, or other forms of emotional abuse.

Addiction and substance abuse Family counseling can provide the family with understanding and tools to meaningfully support a family member struggling with addiction or substance abuse.

Major life transitions Life is always in motion, and family counseling can help the family navigate significant life changes such as a move, job or career change, retirement, old age, or when older children move out of the house.

Sibling rivalry Since Cain and Abel (Genesis 4), issues between siblings have been a staple in families. Family counseling can help families manage conflicts and promote healthy relationships between siblings by understanding the root of these conflicts.

Parent-child relationship issues There may be disagreements about the roles each person plays in a family. The spouses might not agree on what their roles are, and there may also be confusion about the roles of the children. Parents can butt heads with their children over a variety of issues, and family therapy can help strengthen bonds and improve communication between parents and children.

Boundaries Every healthy relationship requires boundaries so that each person’s individuality is respected, and their needs can be met. Family counseling can help a family understand the value of boundaries and help them establish healthy boundaries to improve family dynamics.

Mental health concerns In addition to issues such as substance abuse, counseling provides tools and wisdom for family members to know how best to support one of their own with a mental health condition such as depression or anxiety.

Trauma and crisis When one or more family members go through a traumatic experience, such as domestic violence or a natural disaster, counseling can furnish a safe space to process and heal from these traumatic events or crises.

Family counseling is a supportive and non-judgmental space to address challenges and strengthen relationships in the family. It can help a family overcome unhealthy, established patterns that undermine their well-being, replacing these with healthier ways of being together for each other. A happy and healthy family is one of God’s greatest blessings; reach out and speak with a counselor to begin that healing journey.