Tacoma Christian Counselor
* Please note: This article contains mature content.
Mignon McLaughlin describes it best when she says, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
Marriage is beautiful, but just like the saying every rose has its thorn, so does marriage. Marriage is always depicted in romantic comedies as easy and fun, carrying a lighthearted energy when the woman is in the presence of the man.
There are many reasons you could be reading this article right now. Maybe you feel that your sex life has become monotonous and you are seeking adventure. Maybe you feel that you and your spouse are so emotionally disconnected that creating a romantic atmosphere is difficult.
In marriage, there can become so many facets and explanations as to why your sex life is suffering. It is important to be aware of factors that may be complicating your sex life. At times when we are struggling with issues with our spouse, it can creep into the bedroom, making it challenging to get in the mood of being intimate.
Communicating with your partner and being able to be open about your sex life and things that are getting in the way of having an effective sex life is vital to a healthy marriage and sex relationship.
Often times in sessions, I see couples who are unable to communicate what they want from marital intimacy. They may feel silly or lack confidence to communicate their desires.
Having the ability to connect and verbalize your needs and wants sexually and maritally can be developed over time. You might feel silly at first, but with practice, communication will get easier and your sexual relationship will blossom.
Twelve Games to Spice Up Your Sex Life
* Keep in mind that if it is not monotony you are fighting and/or other aspects are involved, you may need the help of a professional to aid to the improvement of having a healthy sexual and marital relationship.
1. Create your own storyline
Start a sexy story involving you and your spouse. Buy a journal and begin writing. One spouse begins the story line and then passes the journal to the spouse to add on. This story can be as long or short as you wish with as many details and fantasies you desire.
There is no certain number of times the journal has to be passed back and forth. As a couple you can decide where your story ends and who finishes the ending. Your story can even become your reality.
2. Plan a scavenger hunt
No, I am not talking about the kid-friendly kind. Get creative. Send hints and clues for your spouse to come and find you. This can be as erotic as you would like. You are in control.
You may start off by sending your spouse a picture in a sexy or handsome outfit, instructing them to start the game. Continue the scavenger hunt by creating a trail of items that lead to you, which go along with the mood you are trying to create.
3. The element of surprise
Write a letter to your spouse and seal it in an envelope. Give it to him or her at the beginning of the morning on a work day. Write to your spouse about something such as I bought ___________ (underwear, heels, oils, etc.) and I can’t wait to show you what we are going to do with it tonight. This builds up desire and spontaneity, which creates an exciting environment.
4. Truth or dareEach spouse writes down 5 dares on a sheet of paper, folding it and putting it in a hat. Before each turn the spouse asks, “Truth or Dare.” If the answer is dare, the participating partner draws the dare from the hat. The dares can be anything from a dance, wearing certain clothing, or performing certain sexual acts. Imagination is key.
5. The blindfold
This involves using items that are sensual in nature and create a certain feeling when touched by the object. The items are used on your partner while he or she is blindfolded, creating a sense of curiosity and arousal by the tangible items. Some examples of items are feathers, ice, or sexy clothing. When your partner gets the answer correct, he or she is rewarded with the intimate touch of your choice.
6. The rooms
Go throughout rooms of your home, choosing unique and new places to make love. Allow your partner and you to alternate days of picking a new spot. Keep the spot to yourself, then guide them to your location.
Send pictures to your spouse when he or she least expects it — sexting does not always mean you have to be naked. Sexting means a sexy text, so have fun and create desire within your spouse.
8. Body as a canvas
Use body paints to take turns painting pictures or designs on your partner’s bare skin. Get creative and use your partner’s body as your canvas.
9. One step closer
Lie naked in bed, making your partner stand at the doorway. Ask questions to your partner about you from sexy to personal. When your partner gets the question right, one step forward can be taken. If the question is wrong, tell the correct answer and no steps forward will be allowed.
10. The timer
Select a time interval ranging from 20 minutes to an hour. Fool around however you desire, but do not use penetration of any form until the timer has gone off.
11. Kama Sutra
Purchase a Kama Sutra book and have your spouse select positions he or she would like to perform on you. Allow your partner to incorporate these positions without your knowledge of when or what they are. Take turns selecting positions and incorporating them into the bedroom.
12. Action list
Make two lists — the first list should be sex action verbs, such as: kiss, suck, lick. The second list should be body parts. Grab two die and roll. Match the number on the die with the number on your lists. Perform the action and enjoy.
Sex was invented by Christ to be enjoyed. Sex is a form of expression, pleasure, and connection. Over time, sex in a marital relationship can lose its thrill. This is normal. Do not get discouraged by this; instead, get proactive.
Additionally, often times specifically females can get distracted while making love to their spouse. This is not due to a lack of interest but instead due to distractions of everyday life.
Women as well as men may be worried about how their bodies look while in certain positions. Learn how to be confident in yourself and in your body. Express these concerns to your spouse and take time to let go of daily worries or distractions so you can be present in the moment, in each touch and emotion of intimacy with your spouse.
Communication, being emotionally and mentally present during intimacy, and creating newness to the bedroom are all important aspects to having a healthy sex life. Every individual is different and every couple enjoys different sexual outlets. Explore these outlets and learn what you and your partner enjoy the most.
Get to know your body as well as your partner’s body. Feel confident in who you are and bring creativity into the bedroom. Sex is not always inspired by love, but in the marital relationship love should be displayed through your intimate relationship.
Love is a verb. It requires action. If you are displaying your love through actions, your sexual lives will improve. Christ states it best in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
As couples often work on their marriage, they should also work on their sex lives because intimacy plays a very important role in the marital relationship. Marriage is like a puzzle with many pieces. Sex is one piece that forms the big picture. When any piece is missing, the marriage does not feel complete. Take time to complete your puzzle and most importantly take the time to enjoy the process.
“Sunset,” courtesy of Tom Hall, Flickr Creative Commons, 2.0 License; “Romantic evening,” courtesy of Joop van Dijk, Flickr Creative Commons, 2.0 License; “Romance,” courtesy of Nguyen Hoangnam, Flickr Creative Commons, 2.0 License; “Back of the Car,” courtesy of picjumbo.com, pexels.com, CC0 License
DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE
The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.