Coping with Teen Stress – A Christian Counselor’s Perspective

Part 1 of a 2-Part Series

Where Does Adolescent Stress Come From?

When reflecting on my adolescent years, I always cringe when I think about the things I ate, my favorite clothing items, the role of friendship drama, my obsession with boys, and my struggles with low self-esteem. This is a season of life I would never willingly choose to relive. Young people are faced with a wide range of challenges from school, family, friends, work, sports, preparation for college, and a growing romantic interest in their peers. The early teen years bring a rapid growth in physical, social, and emotional changes. Research shows that the parts of the brain involved in emotional responses are fully developed in teens and sometimes even more active than in adults, while the parts of the brain involved in keeping emotional, impulsive responses in check are still reaching maturity. Such a changing balance might provide clues to a youthful appetite for new experiences, and a tendency to act on impulse with little regard for risk. The challenges of adolescence are undeniable, which creates a need for healthy coping skills.

According to Erica Frydenberg (2008) in her book Adolescent Coping, young people are concerned with three different categories:

1.   Things related to achievement

a)     Success in school

b)    Opportunities for future success

2.   Peer and family relationships

3.   Social issues

a)     Environment

b)    Poverty and unemployment

c)     People who are worse off than themselves

Often adults will use their beliefs, past experiences, and understanding of themselves as a solid ground on which to make decisions and move into the future. With constantly changing physical, emotional, and mental capabilities, teens do not always have that same grounding. Both the internal and external changes during teen years can cause stress on a daily basis. Stress related to peer relationships was the most common reason for calling a teen-helpline, according to a study by Boehm and Schondel (1998), followed by sexuality and family problems. With increased responsibilities, as well as a growing awareness of themselves and others, teens need positive ways to cope and to manage the highs and lows of daily life.

Coping with Adolescent Stress

According to Frydenberg, “Coping refers to the behavioral and cognitive efforts used by individuals to manage the demands of a person-environment relationship.” (2008, p. 23) Simply put, coping is our ability to adjust to the changes happening around us, which can be explained in three parts. The first part can be called the “appraisal phase” in which we assess and give meaning to the situation. The second part is the “coping phase,” when we have the option to respond to the distress rather than to the situation that created it. In this phase we are given the opportunity to seek positive meaning in the event or to use the resources we have available around us, such as friends and family. The third part of our potential response to change is the “outcome phase,” when a person is either motivated or discouraged by the event and their ability to cope. (Frydenberg, 2008) Functional coping skills can be seen as direct attempts to deal with the issues. Dysfunctional coping consists of strategies such as worry or self-blame. Below are some example of functional and dysfunctional teen behavior:

Functional

• Talking with peers or family members
• Counseling
• Exercise
• Journaling
• Creative projects
• Time with pets
• Volunteering

Dysfunctional

• Drugs
• Reckless behavior
• Sex
• Withdrawing from community
• Negative self-talk
• Self-harm
• Bullying

Unfortunately, the coping skills used in childhood (crying, relying on parents, sleeping) are not as effective in our teen years. Frydenberg states: “Adolescents need to be taught to be their own self-regulators and to increase their capacity to judge whether a particular response will lead to goal attainment.” (2008, p. 37) It is important to note that this does not mean removing challenges for teens or coping for them, but rather providing them with the tools needed to cope and process the experience on their own. For example, imagine that your teen comes home distressed because a peer has been spreading rumors about them. Your desire might be to call the other student’s parents or get angry. But instead, you can use this ripe opportunity to model coping and processing for your teen by exploring feelings, normalizing, and supporting them in developing a plan for future situations. Empowering teens to develop independent coping skills will reap benefits far into their adult years.

Christian Counseling to Build Teen Coping Skills

The following article will discuss the family impact on coping, the relationship between coping and achievement, and when to seek professional help for your teen. However, if you or your teen are struggling with any of the issues raised in this article, it may be helpful to speak to a trained Christian counselor.