We often talk about what to do and how to move forward if your spouse is having an affair, but it is important to come together, early on in your marriage, with steps to avoid infidelity and affairs. It is better to be on guard, communicate, have a plan, and ensure that your physical, emotional, and spiritual attachment is secure and thriving.
Tips for Protecting Your Marriage Against Infidelity
Have a plan.
One of the best things a couple can do to protect their relationship against infidelity is talk through their expectations. Discuss topics, such as spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex, using social apps, avoiding pornography, past sexual history and if/how it has impacted who you are today, expectations and hopes for your intimacy, desired frequency of sex, temptations, etc.
If you are openly talking about things and know what the other person’s needs are, the narrative will be positive and fun. If one or both of you have needs and struggles that the other person is completely unaware of, then that leaves room for temptation to get in the way and leaves room for physical and emotional detachment.
For your marriage to thrive, it needs to be focused on your spouse and your spouse alone. Explore your partner’s love language and try to regularly meet those needs.
Do not keep accounts and phones hidden/locked from one another.
One way to avoid temptation, infidelity, and lack of trust in one another is not to keep accounts and phones hidden from your spouse. While you don’t necessarily have to inspect the other person’s phone, just knowing that the other person does not need to hide an incoming text message or their phone’s browsing history says a lot about what is going on behind your spouse’s back.
Marriage is about trust and giving oneself to the other person in all areas. If you find yourself trying to hide a text exchange with someone or delete your browsing history, then that is a red flag.
Keep the lines of communication open
Start a couple’s journal, where you take turns writing love notes and encouraging scriptures. Send text messages to one another at random times. FaceTime if your spouse is out of town for work to say goodnight. Have heart-to-hearts when laying in bed together. Pray for one another as you begin a new day.
Start and end the day by talking to one another. Ask how the other person’s day was and be prepared to listen. Ask if there is anything you can help them with or pray about for them. Invest in one another’s lives on multiple levels. Show kindness in the simplest of ways. Forgive one another every chance you get. Ask for forgiveness often. Apologize after a fight – do not wait for the other person to say it first. Communication is the foundation of avoiding marital conflict and affairs. Take the first step.
And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. – Ephesians 4:32
Even when life is crazy, keep dating. Even when you are parents of little ones and feel it requires too much work to go on a date, keep dating. When you feel that your work deadlines and house projects should come first, keep dating. Date your spouse in every phase of marriage and every season of life. It does not matter if you are a newlywed or if you’ve been married for fifteen years – keep dating.
Dress up from time to time
Put on red lipstick on occasion. Invite mystery into your relationship on a regular basis and refuse to get stuck in a marital rut. Learn a new skill together or take a cooking class together. Always invest in your spouse – it is worth it.
Make physical intimacy a priority
To fireproof your marriage from physical neglect and your spouse being tempted to look elsewhere for satisfaction, ensure that you both make physical intimacy a priority. Snuggle. Be intimate. Talk about your needs and meet one another’s needs.
It can be overwhelming to begin this conversation if you never have, but it starts with one attempt. Know that it does not have to be one person to initiate intimacy – both spouses can. If this is an area you have neglected for some time and feel awkward talking about, begin by stealing kisses, rubbing your spouse’s back, looking at them from across the room, spending a few extra minutes snuggling – show them you are interested in them, too.
Christian Couples Counseling to Strengthen Your Marriage
Be proactive if there are any lapses in communication or physical or emotional disconnect. Make a counseling appointment today – your marriage does not have to be falling apart to truly invest in it. Counseling can aid you if there has been hurt or infidelity, if you feel tempted, or if you are just working to fireproof your marriage and protect your hearts from the attacks of the enemy, including infidelity.
In a world that is constantly trying to tempt and take away from the sacredness of marriage, know that your marriage is worth investing in. Your heart is worth investing in.
Scriptures and Challenges for Fireproofing Your Marriage
…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. – Ephesians 4:2
Speak kindly to and about your spouse.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. – Romans 12:10
Do something unexpectedly kind for your spouse that says “I love you and think you are amazing.”
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. – Psalm 139:17-18
Call/text your spouse sometime during the day and ask if you can do anything for them/are thinking about them.
Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. – Proverbs 16:32
Apologize first after an argument and try to respond in love during a disagreement.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – I Corinthians 13:7
Write down all the things you love about your spouse to share with them.
Greet one another with the kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ. – I Peter 5:14
Take time to greet your spouse, kiss them, and hug them when you see one another.
In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. – Ephesians 5:28
Meet one of your spouse’s needs today and go the extra mile.
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:4
Demonstrate love today by trying to see their point of view when you would normally start a disagreement.
And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. – Mark 3:25
Discuss your hopes and dreams and how you are going to safeguard your marriage.
Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. – Ecclesiastes 9:9
Try to spend a few extra minutes snuggling or spending time together, even when you normally would be attacking your to-do list.
Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding… – Proverbs 3:13
Try to make their favorite meal or surprise them with one of their favorite activities.
And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one. – John 17:11
Ask God to work in your heart and to prioritize your relationship with Him and your spouse (even when it looks different than the rest of the world).
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24
Commit to your spouse physically, emotionally, and spiritually to avoid infidelity.
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