Tacoma Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and Loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Pornography Addiction
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Sexual Addiction
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Couples Counseling
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Counseling for Children
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Sexual Addiction
    • Marriage Counseling
  • LocationsWe have offices at various locations
    • Bellevue Office FrontBellevue
    • Bothell Office Front EntranceBothell
    • Edmonds Christian CounselingEdmonds
    • Everett Office Front EntranceEverett
    • Federal Way 2Federal Way
    • HansvilleHansville
    •  1Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey 2Lacey
    • Mill Creek Office Waiting RoomMill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    • Puyallup Christian CounselingPuyallup
    • Redmond OfficeRedmond
    • Seattle Downtown Christian CounselingSeattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 1Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma Office FrontTacoma
    •  1Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind out more about our counselors
  • CareersJoin our team of Christian Counselors
  • (253) 777-1997Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

Premarital Counseling Questions To Ask Before You Say “I Do,” Part I

Tacoma Christian Counseling
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/image002.jpg 1000 833
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Mount-Rainier.jpg
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Tacoma-Christian-Counseling-Logo-Fill-Stacked.jpg
621 Pacific Ave, Suite 302
TACOMA, WA 98402
United States
621 Pacific Ave, Suite 302
TACOMA, WA 98402
United States
Tacoma Christian Counseling
Jan
2013
02

Premarital Counseling Questions To Ask Before You Say “I Do,” Part I

Tacoma Christian Counselor

It’s the air.  Proposals and engagement parties, both are the makings of soon to be wedding plans. So many things to do and so little time.  There are halls to book and wedding dresses to consider.  In the 22 years of supporting couples as they prepare for marriage, I have learned a few things.  Through my next two articles, I will explore the basic “dos and don’ts” couples should consider before saying, “I do”.  Most of them should not be surprising, but I continue to be amazed at how often the advice below about premarital counseling questions is ignored.  So, before you book the church and reserve the caterer, I encourage you to consider these basic principles of cultivating a healthy marriage. Let’s start with the “dos”:

Do Figure Out Your Own “Stuff”

During the dating process, you tend to put on our best.  The challenge becomes when the real you shows up.  Take the time to identify strengths and weaknesses in your character.  Self-reflection is huge when determining the success of a relationship.

Do Identify Your Core Values

Individuals who know their core values can connect with their purpose and plan in life.  Values and rituals are essential to how you communicate wants and needs.  If trust, faith and dependability are at the heart of how you live, imagine if you connect with someone who lacks the ability to tell the truth on small things (big stuff too).

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Do Explore How Past Relationships Affect Current Behavior

ID-100152580When you do not take the time to process our past experiences, you are destined to repeat those same bad habits in the current relationship.  Do you have issues with honesty, respect and commitment?  Consider evaluating how past relationships have distorted your view of what a healthy relationship should look like.

Do Expect Growth, Maturity and Acceptance in a Relationship

If you are not growing in compassion, intimacy and care, then you are either stuck or dying!

Do Figure Out Your Own Finances First

Before entering into a relationship with someone else, it’s important to identify your own financial habits and attitudes toward money.  Sex, family issues and finances are the big three killers of a relationship.  Everyone has an opinion/belief about how to save, spend or invest money.   ‘Some work to live and others live to work.’  Which one are you and are you about to marry someone who is the exact opposite?

Identify What It is That You Love About Your Spouse-to-Be

It’s essential that you are able to pinpoint what it is that you love about your future spouse. Your spouse should be important to you because he or she brings something to your life that no one else can. Marrying someone to cook and clean is not a reason to marry, it’s a reason to hire a maid!

Do Marry Someone You are Happy Being Around

I have seen so many couples who insist that their partner has an obligation to make them happy. Instead of demanding that they always make you happy, marry someone who you feel happy around naturally.

ID-100129816Each year, I meet at least three couples that enter counseling with the idea that exploring the various dimensions of their marriage is worth the time and money. Nine years ago, Fredrick and Crystal were contemplating marriage.  They entered the first three sessions with ambivalence regarding how talking to a stranger would benefit their future.  The “it” moment (which always does happen) occurred during our fourth session.  Fredrick stated, “ I think it is a good idea to have the man make all the final decisions.”  Crystal stated, “Well what if I have more expertise in the matter than you do?”  Fredrick replies, “I will be the head of the house.  You will need to trust me.”  Crystal responded, “If I have to blindly trust you then why do you need me?  What you need is a consultant!”  Neither of them would have imagined that they had an issue trusting the other.  Needless to say, it took a few sessions to identify the core issues of how trust and respect would look in their marriage.  I am happy to report, they have been married for nine years now, having learned new compromise and conflict communication skills.  I still receive a fruit basket from them on Christmas.

Christian Premarital Counseling for Engaged Couples

In this article, I have tried to identify several important practices that will help you and your partner prepare for life together in Christian marriage. Please look for my next article, which will outline the “don’ts” of marriage and provide further insight into how you can prepare yourself for the commitment and challenges of marriage. I would be delighted to partner with you to explore areas in your relationship which you would like to hone as you prepare to enter into the covenant of marriage. Premarital counseling is an essential aspect of marriage preparation, and I am pleased to offer guidance for couples wishing to learn more.

Photos Images courtesy of Master Isolated Images and Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top

Other articles that might interest you...

Premarital Counseling Questions To Ask Before You Say “I Do,” Part 2 1
Tacoma Christian Counseling

Premarital Counseling Questions To Ask ...

This is the second in a two-part series exploring a few basic “dos and don’ts” of marriage. In my previous article,...

continue reading »
What is Premarital Counseling? 1
Tacoma Christian Counseling

What is Premarital Counseling?

Amongst the laundry list of pre-wedding “To-Dos” someone, somewhere along the way may have mentioned “premarital counseling.” However, if you...

continue reading »
Get Counseling Before You Say “I Do!” 1
Tacoma Christian Counseling

Get Counseling Before You Say “I ...

There are lots of things that couples place on their “to do” list as it relates to weddings. The flowers,...

continue reading »
Tacoma Christian Counseling Logo
Tacoma Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2025 Tacoma Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
621 Pacific Ave,, Tacoma, WA 98402. Tel (253) 777-1997.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
We are open for business. In person and online counseling are available now.