Saying “I Do”: How to Manage Common Problems in Relationships

Getting married is an exciting time. Finally, you are marrying the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You cannot even imagine going one day without them. And arguing? Of course not! You and your love will have your “happily ever after”!

That is how many newlyweds think as they prepare to say, “I do.” Unfortunately, reality sets in after the honeymoon, and the real work begins: choosing to stick with your love despite the hard times. It happens to every couple. Financial struggles, long work hours, family responsibilities, seasons of loneliness, and loss are common marital experiences.

But if you ask the couples who have been married for 40, 50, or 60 years, they will tell you that they stayed married because they chose to stay together and love each other. Not that they didn’t have problems. Of course, they did. But these couples recognized the common problems in relationships and pushed through for their own version of happily ever after.

Once you know the common issues couples face during marriage, you can discuss how you would manage them. Note: certain behaviors are non-negotiable, such as abuse, and should be addressed right away before considering marriage.

Communication Problems in Relationships

Communication is the key to marriage. We realize this might sound cliché, but it is true. Most arguments are based on communication issues.

For example, one Monday morning, your spouse jumped all over you when you called frustrated about something, and it felt unfair, but instead of asking her about it, you yelled back and disconnected the call. Both parties are angry and do not even explain their thoughts and actions to one another.

Perhaps your wife was having a bad day at work, and your phone call regarding the car breaking down again upset her. When she yelled at you, the automatic response was anger and a “there she goes again” attitude. A simple apology from both sides, and an explanation of why you were both frustrated, would have saved a lot of heartache for a Monday.

Many couples who have experienced relationship issues believe that their spouse should have already known what to do or say. People are not mind readers, yet we tend to think, “If he/she loved me, then they should know this.” When that expectation is unmet, we become unhappy. Agree to make communication your number one priority in your marriage, along with truth and honesty.

Sexual Problems in Relationships

Intimacy

Many people think of sex when they refer to intimacy. Although sex is an integral part of marriage (and created by God for marriage), intimacy runs much deeper than physical intercourse. It is the emotional closeness felt by both people in the union. It is the bond, the sly smiles across the room, the touch to the back of the arm while passing. It is vulnerability and security combined.

We live in a fallen world (due to sin), and therefore, we struggle with exposing ourselves on an intimate level with another human being. However, even if the sex is great and fulfilling in a marriage, the union will be much harder than it needs to be without intimacy. Intimacy, that close sharing, will pull a couple through the hardships. It is the intimacy between an older couple that makes everyone stop and stare, pausing to remark, “How sweet are those two?”

It may be that emotional closeness is more tied to women than men; however, men long for someone they can confide in and show their weaknesses to, and still be viewed by them as strong. This is what intimacy can do for marriage.

Adultery

Many divorces in this country are the result of an extramarital affair. The betrayal runs deep. If the couple decides to repair their marriage, they must face a battle of rebuilding trust, honesty, and loyalty. Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy are also possible with infidelity.

Whether it is a man or a woman who commits the affair, both parties are inevitably hurt. In some cases, the trauma from the betrayal has lasting psychological effects. The hurt spouse may never be able to trust the other ever again. Lovemaking may become sparse as the hurt party compares themself to other people, or they are afraid to give themselves entirely in case they are only to be disappointed again.

Although the secular world makes having a fling “not a big deal,” adultery is huge in the Bible. The writer admonishes the reader throughout Proverbs not to give in. These warnings were meant to protect God’s people from diseases and emotional hurts. If you feel tempted to give in to an extramarital affair, reach out to a Christian counselor for help today.

Sexual Difficulties

Intimacy and sex are essential components of a marriage, but what happens when the sex stops? There can be many reasons why the quantity and quality of sex in marriage might decrease: heavy work schedules, stress, hectic seasons with small children, erectile dysfunction, prescription medications, or menopausal symptoms.

Many people are embarrassed to seek help for sexual issues in their marriage, but getting help may be what you need to keep your marriage from falling apart. The root of the problem might be physical or emotional. Sharing the issue with your spouse and seeking help is an example of working as partners for life.

Grief or Loss

Loss is inevitable. As we live, we die. If we are Christians, we will see our friends and family of believers again one day. But even knowing this promise from God, losing someone we love hurts painfully. It might be a parent, a sibling, or a child. Sometimes grief becomes complicated, and the person cannot find their way out, cycling back through the stages of grief. This can take a toll on the marriage as neither spouse will know how to improve it.

Complicated grief is a mental condition and requires the help of a therapist to work with the couple. The loss does not have to be the result of a death. It can be from losing a home, business, or employment.

Financial Problems in Relationships

Financial difficulties lead to many arguments between couples. For some reason, financial literacy is not something most people are prepared to handle as adults. Yet, money is a tool that a family can use to purchase a house and cars, finance college, and donate to organizations to help others in need.

Excessive spending and not budgeting are two financial woes that should be addressed urgently. If you need help, consider financial gurus like Dave Ramsey, who teaches budgeting basics to families. This includes building an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses such as a flat tire, a broken refrigerator, or a cracked hot water tank.

Debt is another major pinch point. Whether it is from student loans or vehicles, make a plan to pay this debt off quickly to avoid having to pay thousands of dollars in interest and other fees.

Addictions

Substance abuse, alcohol abuse, gambling, pornography, and other addictions can destroy your marriage, family, and relationships. These can manifest during marriage as stress escalates with caring for others. But these addictions will break and rob you of everything important.

Addiction might hide well for a while, but it is not easily cast away. Someone with an addiction will need professional help. Consider working with a faith-based therapist specializing in addictions.

These therapists work closely with both partners in the marriage while revealing Jesus’ grace and strength needed to break the bondage of addiction. “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” (Galatians 5:1 NKJV)

Next Steps to Overcome Problems in Relationships

Relationship issues can be challenging in any marriage, whether you are newly married or have been married for fifty years. If you and your spouse are struggling, reach out to a Christian counselor today. We would love to help bridge the gap and fill it with God’s grace and love. God loves and honors the covenant between a man and a woman and Himself. He will see you through.