Infidelity and Affairs

What does infidelity mean? In a hyper-sexualized society where things like pornography and Ashley Madison-style websites are commonplace, some people differ in what they consider to be inappropriate extramarital relationships. For example, some might believe that online relationships aren’t really cheating. According to Christ, simply looking at someone other than your spouse with sexual desire is a form of adultery, so where do we draw the line between what is and isn’t acceptable? As Christians, God wants us to break away from the loopholes people create to justify all forms of infidelity, so that we can build marriages based on love, loyalty, trust, and dedication to the well-being of the one who God joined us with for life.

Christian counseling for infidelity recovery at Tacoma Christian Counseling strives to help couples build Christ-centered relationships.

Surviving an Affair: A Christian Counseling Success Story

Part 1: Discovery

Everything changed for Joan the instant she saw the email. An image of her husband and a coworker (they all worked together) lying nude, with a message that read, “can’t wait to see you again” became something that would forever burn in her memory. A wave of panic hit as she rushed to the bathroom, vomited, and sat motionless in shock for what felt like an eternity. The one person she trusted had betrayed her and in the worst possible way.

Joan’s sadness turned to fury as she confronted her husband, Nick. Questions flooded her mind. How long? When? How? What did I do wrong? Overcome with shock and fear, her husband scrambled for an explanation, but nothing would ease the overwhelming emotions that poured out of Joan.

 “Just leave!” she screamed. This was the end. Joan was blindsided, confused, and hurt beyond measure. How could he do this to her? How would she ever survive this?

If Joan’s story speaks to you, know that you are not alone. Despite how hurt you feel, Christ is there for you. If you’re looking for a Tacoma infidelity therapist, you’re at the right place. Many like Joan have found healing through results-driven Christian counseling for infidelity recovery with Tacoma Christian Counseling.

Why Do People Have Affairs?

There are many causes for infidelity, including a range of emotional and sexual factors. Some affairs stem from individual problems, such as self-esteem issues, alcohol abuse, or sexual addiction. The reasons are so vast, complex, and varying, that it can be difficult to pinpoint the exact causes for infidelity. Some of the most common reasons include:

• Persistent, unresolved marital conflict.
• Unfulfilled sexual needs.
• Emotional disconnect between spouses.
• Sexual addiction and love addiction.
• Crossing the line from platonic friendships into romantic ones, either online or in the workplace.
• Social context where infidelity is commonplace and acceptable.

Understanding why the affair happened is a crucial part of healing. The betrayed needs clarity so they can move forward, while the involved spouse might need help understanding or expressing issues that led to the infidelity. Christian counseling for infidelity recovery offers you a safe place for exploring such issues.

Part 2: After the Affair

Joan and Nick remained separated, but they still worked together. Awkward passings in hallways were almost unbearable. Joan couldn’t eat or sleep, and recent confrontation with the affair partner revealed even more devastating information. The other woman left the job, but the negative effect it had on the office was apparent. Everyone looked at her with pity. She knew they all talked about her. Nick looked just as bad. He ended things with the coworker, and tried time and time again to talk to Joan. One evening after work, Nick pleaded with Joan. Despite the pain he had caused her, the thought of ending the marriage was even more painful. They decided to try Christian counseling for infidelity recovery.

Christian counseling for infidelity recovery offers hope for couples in crisis. At Tacoma Christian Counseling, we are here to support both partners as they work towards finding lasting solutions for building a stronger, faith-based marriage.

Effects of an Affair

Infidelity often leads to devastating consequences for everyone involved. After an affair is discovered, it’s common for both spouses to experience similar emotions such as depression, anxiety, and confusion. That aside, each partner experiences grief after an affair in their own way.

The betrayed spouse might suffer from:

• Post-traumatic stress. Those who are betrayed by an affair go through grief that is very similar to post-traumatic stress disorder. This can result in obsessively wondering about the details of the affair, persistently looking for signs of future betrayal, flashbacks, and avoiding reminders of the infidelity.
• Lost trust in self, others, and in God.
• Lowered self-esteem.

The involved spouse might suffer from:

• Immense guilt and regret.
• Grief related to the loss of the affair relationship or what the affair meant for them.
• Fear that their spouse and God won’t forgive them or feeling that they don’t deserve forgiveness.

Effects of an Affair on Your Marriage and Family

If you’re looking for an infidelity therapist, then you might be well aware of the painful effects of marital affairs. Sometimes the involved spouse, especially if they have never been on the other side of infidelity, don’t fully realize the implications of what they have done until they are in the midst of the consequences. The most common effects of an affair on marriages and families include:

• Loss of trust and intimacy.
• Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity within the marriage relationship.
• Emotional arguments and conflicts, sometimes regarding unresolved issues that led to the affair.
• Instability in the home, causing confusion, depression, and anxiety in children.

Infidelity is one of the leading causes for divorce, but with Christian counseling for infidelity recovery, you have a much better chance at healing. The sooner a couple begins marriage counseling after an affair, the more effective the counseling becomes.

Part 3: The Road to Recovery

Joan and Nick went into Christian counseling for infidelity recovery with hopes of rebuilding their marriage, but it wasn’t easy. Joan couldn’t stop the thoughts and images that consumed her, and sleep was a thing of the past. She had so many questions. She felt worthless, undesirable, and afraid. Nick was overcome with grief. After seeing the impact the affair had on Joan, he could hardly live with himself. He loved Joan and wished more than anything that he could take it all away.

The aftermath of infidelity is one full of despair, confusion, and often regret. Christian counseling for infidelity recovery can help you process these intense emotions and communicate with your spouse in a constructive way. If your family has been impacted by infidelity, learn more about Christian family counseling.

The first objective of Christian counseling for infidelity recovery is to determine whether the purpose for treatment is rebuilding the marriage, resolving indecision about whether or not to remain married, or to discuss terms of separation. After an affair, it’s important to avoid rash decisions about your marriage. We encourage each partner to approach Christian counseling with a mindset that is open to the possibility of recovery. Although you might feel as if the damage created is irreparable, through Christ, healing is possible.

The brokenness experienced after infidelity can be difficult to bear. The purpose of Christian counseling for infidelity recovery is to offer both partners a safe place to express their many and often confusing emotions, while leaning on Christ for support as you work toward forgiveness, redemption, and reconnecting your marriage with each other and God.

Marriage counseling after an affair is similar to counseling for trauma. To combat the fear and trust issues that result from infidelity, Christian counseling seeks to rip away the veil of secrecy by moving towards complete transparency, honesty, and a new dedication to your marriage. This is accomplished by:

• Building a safe environment – For effective affair recovery, the betrayed partner needs to feel safe. First and foremost, the affair must be completely terminated. This includes all conversation with the affair partner. Next, you will both be given a compassionate and safe place to discuss the hows, whens, and whys of the affair, so you can move past it and look to the future.

• Full disclosure – After discovering an affair, the betrayed spouse will have many questions and might feel the need to talk about these things over and over to get a clear understanding. It’s best to have this conversation during counseling to avoid unnecessary hurt and conflict while the counselor works to unveil the details of the affair at a pace that limits distress and promotes compassion, understanding, and constructive resolution.

How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair

No one really knows how they will react to an affair until it happens to them. The same is true for infidelity recovery. There is no “one way” to heal your marriage, but one thing is certain – in Christ Jesus affair recovery is possible. God has a purpose for everything your marriage faces, and He can even use infidelity as a way of healing hidden wounds, making you stronger than ever. In Christ, we are called away from our old nature and raised in newness of life. With faith in the word of His patience and the precious promises of God for redemption, even the most hurtful sins and wounded spirit can find wholeness. That being said, rebuilding trust after an affair takes dedication and work on both sides including:

• Accountability – The involved partner must understand that what he/she did was wrong while empathizing with the devastation it caused the spouse.

• Willingness to risk hurt – This can be very difficult, but the betrayed spouse must learn to open his heart again, despite the risk for future hurt. In time, the fear will subside as the involved spouse works compassionately and with dedication to restore trust.

• Ask and answer questions – The involved spouse must be willing to answer questions pertaining to the affair during counseling. The betrayed will learn how to ask healthy questions rather than accusations and other damaging language.

• Set realistic expectations – On the part of the betrayed partner, this means understanding that healing and redemption is a process. So is forgiveness. It’s not uncommon for more information to present itself after you thought you were told everything. These instances must be handled delicately, with the understanding that there is a bigger picture in which your spouse is repentant and doing his or her best to do right. On the other hand, the involved spouse needs to evaluate his or her expectations of marriage, some of which might be irrational and led to the affair in the first place.

• Forgiveness – Through Christian counseling for infidelity recovery, the hope is for both partners to move away from how they have hurt each other, and toward forgiveness and new beginnings.

Part 4: Forgiveness and New Beginnings

It wasn’t easy, but through Christian counseling for infidelity recovery and reconnection with Christ, Joan and Nick repaired the damage to their marriage. Nick gained a better understanding of himself and what led him to be unfaithful. He also knew he never wanted to hurt Joan again. Joan learned that she was not to blame and that she was all Nick really wanted. The end result was a new beginning based on compassion, understanding, and forgiveness with new found hope for their future together.

If you and your spouse are ready to commit to affair recovery, we are here to provide the tools you need. Christian counseling for infidelity recovery takes time, and most of all dedication. If an affair has left you feeling confused about the future of your marriage, you might also benefit from individual Christian counseling.

My Spouse doesn’t want to seek counseling. Can I still benefit from Christian counseling?

Yes. While Christian counseling for infidelity recovery aims to help wounded marriages heal, we can also provide support to spouses who have been betrayed by infidelity. In either case, counseling can help you process your emotions, learn to express them to your spouse constructively, and move past the devastation infidelity caused to your view of yourself and others.

How long does Christian counseling for infidelity recovery take?

There is no preset amount of counseling a person needs to heal. For some couples, they gain enough to move forward after a couple of months, while others remain in counseling for a number of years. Depending on the situation you experience and the effect it has on your well being, your counselor will work with you as long as you need.

Do you accept insurance?

Tacoma Christian Counseling works with many different insurance providers. If you have any questions about payment options, give us a call.

Can Christian counseling save my marriage?

In Christ, there is always hope. We cannot guarantee that everyone will get the results they want, but we will do all we can to help you and your spouse move from a place of pain to one of recovery.

To learn more about Christian counseling for infidelity recovery, or to schedule your risk-free initial session with Tacoma Christian Counseling, contact us online or give us a call at (253) 777-1997.