Getting Over a Breakup During the Holidays

A breakup is hard. You feel as if your heart is breaking one minute, and in the next, you feel numb. Compound these emotions with the cheeriness and family events during the holidays, and a breakup suddenly becomes excruciating. Getting over a breakup is doable, but it takes time. When your heart has been broken by someone you love and are attached to deeply, you must move through the stages of grief to heal.

The stages of grief.

To heal from trauma healthily, you will need to move through the stages of grief. Even if you are the one who initiated the breakup, you may still experience:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Each stage is necessary for getting over a breakup. Depending on the relationship, the total time of grief could last months or years. Yet, it is better to allow time for healing than to rush into a new relationship (rebound relationship), only to have it fail. Take time from the trauma of a breakup to process your emotions and regain your sense of self.

Tips for getting over a breakup.

Why does it seem like breakups are either more prominent during the holidays or more painful? Maybe they are both. We associate cheerfulness, goodwill toward men, God’s love for us, and family time with the holidays. If you have been in a deep relationship with someone, then making your way through the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and Valentine’s Day without them can feel unbearable.

All healing takes time, and that is especially true with a physical ailment. If you had a broken arm, you would not try to ditch the cast and carry heavy loads with that arm only three days after it was broken. The fracture or break needs to heal. Your emotions and mind are similar after a heartbreak. There are some things you can do to help speed up recovery.

Distance yourself if you can.

Running into your ex will only make things harder. Even if the split was amicable, seeing that person you loved will only keep their presence in the forefront of your mind. If you worked together, now may be the time to consider transferring to a different department or location. If transferring is not an option, ask yourself if you would be happier elsewhere.

Distancing yourself can become an issue if you work together or share parenting responsibilities. You may need to make a schedule if children are involved. Until you feel more secure in your emotions, you can ask someone you trust to act as the go-between, shuttling the children between parental visits.

As you plan your holiday events, ask yourself if your ex is likely to attend. If it is your family get-together, it may be good advice for the ex to either stay away or to pop in for only a second to wish Merry Christmas to their children if they will not see them. It is not only a breakup in the relationship but a departure from holiday traditions.

Make a list and check it twice.

Making new holiday traditions is necessary during a breakup. If you focus on what you and your ex did every year, it is only going to feed the grief you feel. Instead, list things you want to do this holiday season. Do you want to include friends and family or go solo?

You may want to include various price points, but remember that many fun holiday activities are free or low-cost. Children from local schools put on Christmas concerts for the community. Families decorate their homes with lights for everyone to enjoy. Churches produce Christmas plays and cantatas. Many people engage in “Friendsgiving” to celebrate Thanksgiving with their closest friends.

Think of new traditions you want to begin and commit to working through them this season.

Watch your vices.

Coping mechanisms are important when getting over a breakup. However, sometimes we turn to unhealthy behaviors to help us through the painful emotions. We may turn to alcohol, chemical substances, binge-eating, or risky behaviors to fill the empty hole left by our heartbreak.

But vices will only leave you feeling desperate. They will lull you into a temporary sensation of comfort, but the soothing sensation will wear off. Instead, you will find yourself looking for your next “hit” and isolating yourself more from life. Substance abuse, overconsumption of alcohol, binge-eating, and engaging in sexual promiscuity or self-harm activities will result in depression and other conditions.

If turning to your vice is a knee-jerk reaction to hurt or grief, consider reaching out to a therapist for help.

Lean on your support network or BFF.

It is tempting to isolate yourself from others with your favorite foods and movies and try to grieve the loss of your relationship. It is all right for you to take a moment to do just that. But you cannot stay in that stage. One of the best ways to move through grief is to recruit your closest friend or support group.

If you have a friend or a group of friends who love you and want what is best for you, then you have people to turn to while your heart is breaking. More than likely, they have experienced something similar. We often forget during a breakup that most people have suffered the same at some point. How did they move forward?

Take advantage of having someone you can lean on and invite them to the get-togethers and parties this season as your plus one. No one will care that you chose your BFF, and you will probably have more fun.

Take care of yourself.

The sense of self takes a beating during a breakup and the rejection that follows. You may lose your self-confidence and self-esteem. You may try to avoid social settings and new opportunities. If your ex initiated the breakup, you might ask yourself, “What did I do wrong? How could they not love me? Am I not pretty, smart, or rich enough (fill in the blank)?

Just because someone cannot see you for the unique child of God that you are, does not make you any less so. Even if you cannot see that about yourself yet, it does not make it false. You are important and deserve to be healthy and de-stressed.

Take time out to get a haircut or get your hair done. Spend time on a facial routine. Eat healthier foods and less processed foods. Adopt an exercise regimen a few days a week to boost your self-confidence and body image.

Treat yourself like Santa’s helper.

When you were dating or married, how did you treat them during the holidays? Now is the time to treat yourself like Santa’s helper. What dishes would you like to eat during the holidays? What music and decorations do you want in your environment? What special events would you like to attend?

Do not be afraid to dress up and enjoy the holidays doing things that generally require a plus one. If you are home, turn your music up and dance to some tunes. Have fun and treat yourself to the gift of peace.

Consider therapy to help you move forward.

Grief during a breakup or divorce is just as challenging as experiencing the death of a loved one. Sometimes we get stuck in the five stages of grief, repeating the stages in a vicious cycle, increasing our risk of complicated grief and major depression.

If you are having trouble getting over a breakup, consider therapy to help you move on from the relationship. A licensed therapist can help you determine where you are in the grief cycle and provide methods to reach acceptance.

A breakup may feel more painful during the holidays, but you can get through this. Contact our office today to set up an appointment with a Christian therapist specializing in dating, marriage, divorce, and working through the stages of grief.