Healthy Ways to Deal With Being Lonely

We are spoiled for choice when it comes to being able to connect with loved ones. Communicating across the country and the globe has never been easier, whether you choose to do that via old-school snail mail, email, text, and other instant message services, or through video calls, to name a few. If you need to connect in person, hopping onto a flight will generally get you anywhere in the world in about a day.

Though we have the means of communicating seamlessly at our fingertips, and even though we live in cities and neighborhoods where we constantly have people around us, loneliness is still a serious problem that many people face. Many Americans feel alone, and when those feelings of loneliness and isolation persist over a long period, they can begin to have significant negative health implications.

Defining loneliness

You can be standing in the middle of Times Square on New Year’s Eve, with thousands of people milling about around you, and feel completely isolated and lonely. You can be in the middle of a cornfield in Nebraska, all alone without a soul in sight for miles around, and not be lonely. There is a distinction to be made between being alone and feeling lonely, and it’s important to make that distinction.

Loneliness is about desiring a social connection with others, and then failing to attain that connection, whatever the reason. When the need for social connection isn’t met, it can be emotionally and mentally distressing. Not getting the right amount or the desired quality of social connection is what leads to loneliness. So, loneliness isn’t necessarily about your surroundings; rather, it’s about your perceptions of your surroundings.

Loneliness may occur only at certain times or seasons, but it may also be chronic. Loneliness may be felt as a deep separation between yourself and the world, or it may be experienced emotionally through a lack of meaningful relationships with others. Loneliness may also be seasonal, with it setting off during the holidays, for instance.

Loneliness and solitude differ primarily in that solitude is a choice, and it is not emotionally distressing. When a person feels lonely, some of the thoughts and emotions that accompany that include feeling isolated or distant from others, feeling sad, feeling disconnected from the people around them, and carrying the feeling that no one understands them or that they don’t have anyone they can talk meaningfully with.

When a person experiences prolonged feelings of isolation, that can result in significant and serious physical, mental, and emotional health problems. When a person feels isolated and lonely, this often leads to increased risks of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Loneliness can also lead to ailments such as a weakened immune system, high blood pressure, and inflammation throughout the body.

The causes of loneliness

We all feel lonely at points in our lives, and it is part of the human experience. Loneliness may be connected with the environment we find ourselves in, or with specific experiences. A person might feel lonely because they’ve moved away from home and haven’t made new friends yet, or they may feel lonely because they are living alone or have had a significant relationship end recently.

Other causes of loneliness include the following:

• Experiencing chronic health issues.
• Grief from loss of loved ones who have died.
• Losing your job or changing jobs.
• Entering a new phase of life, such as parenthood or retirement.
• Living alone.
• Loss of mobility through illness or old age.

These and other reasons may frustrate or interfere with the desire for social connection.

Healthy ways to deal with loneliness

When you feel lonely or isolated, there are healthy ways of dealing with that which will promote your well-being. Some ways to deal with loneliness include:

Acknowledging it

It’s important to recognize what you’re feeling and to name it appropriately. Being lonely is often stigmatized, and admitting what you’re feeling may be difficult. However, the first step is being honest with yourself and being willing to face your experiences and emotions head-on.

Identify the inner critic’s voice

Aside from society stigmatizing loneliness, we can also internalize the idea that being lonely means that you’re a loser. Identify the voice of your inner critic, and neutralize it by acknowledging your positive qualities and successes, and through self-encouragement.

Reach out to your connections

It’s possible to feel lonely and despair of connection with others when that needn’t be the case. Take stock of the relationships you do have and appreciate the different ways people around you have shown up for you over the years.

Take care of yourself

Take the time to do things that you enjoy, and sit with yourself, and connect with yourself. Sometimes we’re so busy being with other people, connecting with them, and being present for them that we can neglect ourselves. Taking time to relax, breathe, and perhaps meditate, can help you connect deeper with yourself away from the many distractions that can get in the way.

Taking care of yourself also includes being sure to get enough regular exercise as part of your routine. Getting good sleep also helps with greater resilience, elevating your mood, and a deeper capacity for dealing with difficult emotions. It’s also helpful to avoid using alcohol as a way of dealing with feelings of loneliness, as it can serve to make things worse. Alcohol can amplify the feelings of depression and isolation.

Random and anonymous acts of kindness

One way to deal with loneliness is to look beyond yourself and see to the needs of others. Taking time to volunteer at the local shelter, or doing something nice for a stranger like paying for their groceries if you see they’re struggling at the checkout counter are a few ways to connect with others. You can be mindful of the people around you, the smiles on their faces, and the ways they interact with others, too.

Reevaluate your social media use

One of the downsides of social media is that it can make you feel as though you’re connected when you likely aren’t. Further, social media can ramp up our dissatisfaction with our lives as they are. Most people curate their online presence, and almost everyone seems to have a better life than yours. This can cause dissatisfaction with your own life, and it can become an escape from reality, causing disconnection with others.

Join a group

Having people around you who enjoy doing the things you enjoy is a great way to find meaningful connections. Hobbies and other pursuits can be excellent starting points to form and deepen relationships. Whether you’re into reading and form or join a book club or find a pottery or cooking class at your local community center, you can provide yourself with opportunities to have fun with others and have meaningful experiences.

Engage your artsy side

We can express ourselves and our emotions in so many ways. Being creative can help you work through your negative emotional experiences and express them in a way that allows you to transcend them. Whether you choose to knit, paint, sculpt, or write, you can engage your creativity to help you process negative emotions.

Seek help

If you’re feeling lonely, one way to deal with it is to talk with a trained mental health professional. Loneliness can distort how you perceive yourself, and talking with someone can help you see yourself accurately, especially if they are a neutral third party. A licensed Christian therapist or counselor can help you identify any unhelpful and untrue thoughts that can serve to deepen loneliness, replacing these with healthier thoughts and behaviors.

Christian counseling for when you are lonely

Loneliness can isolate you even deeper, leading you to thoughts and actions that keep you lonely. The script that runs in your head will likely be out of step with reality, but often it needs intervention to see that. A Christian counselor can help you process your experiences in light of God’s promises to never leave nor forsake His people (Matthew 28:20; Hebrews 13:5). If you’re feeling lonely, call us to be connected to a counselor in our directory today.