Defining and Coping With Complicated Grief

Grief is a hard process that most people experience more than once in life. The normal process can be devastating. The numbness and mourning of grief will gradually ease and the loss becomes acceptable. But there are times when grief becomes debilitating and remains unbearable. This type of grief is called complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder. It is painful and lasts past the normally acceptable time of grief.

Complicated grief goes beyond missing a loved one who has passed. It consumes a person to the point of them not being able to function in everyday life. Though grief is a normal response, complicated grief is a mental health diagnosis.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. – Matthew 5:4, NASB

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Three Types of Complicated Grief

There are three types of complicated grief that a person may experience. It is important to identify the specific complicated grief to develop a proper faith-based treatment plan.

Delayed grief occurs when the grieving process is delayed or suppressed and resurfaces unexpectedly later.

Absent grief is a form of complicated grief that appears as emotionally detached or unresponsive to the loss. This will hinder the ability to adapt to the change and heal properly.

Chronic grief involves persistent and prolonged grief that does not improve over time.

Each of these types of grief can manifest without any specific factor or cause.

Causes of Complicated Grief

There are no known causes for complicated grief but there are many factors that can influence the chance of developing this type of grief. Just like with any grief, the major cause of prolonged grief disorder is loss. This isn’t just the loss of a loved one. Any type of life-changing loss can contribute to the onset of complicated grief.

Here is a list of the major factors that play a role in complicated grief:

• Loss of an immediate family member such as a parent, sibling, spouse.
• Loss of a child.
• Lack of coping skills.
• Unresolved conflicts before the passing of a loved one.
• Unexpected loss of a loved one due to suicide or accident.
• Unexpected loss of loved one due to violent death.
• Loss related to covid-19.
• Trauma experienced during loss.
• Lost someone close and personal.
• Underlying mental health condition.
• History of substance abuse.
• Not being present when the loss happened.
• Witnessing the loss in person.

Each of these factors may not cause complicated grief in each person because loss is different for everyone. Other factors such as culture, faith, age, and gender can affect the way a person grieves. When the grieving process is complicated by these factors it may require counseling services through a Christian counseling service.

Identifying the Symptoms

It is important to identify the symptoms of complicated grief as early as possible. This will help you get the proper support and treatment for debilitating grief. The symptoms are similar to normal grief, but they are prolonged and often more intense.

Intruding or preoccupying thoughts of the loss

The focus of the loss’s impact is on unresolved regrets, which keep a person from moving forward with healing.

Intense and continuous pain over the loss of a loved one that does not fade over time

This pain can be connected to guilt, anger, and bitterness. This focuses on the negative aspects of the loss.

They feel like they no longer have a purpose

Because they no longer have a relationship with the person, they may feel they no longer have a reason to do anything. This can be especially true for parents who lose a child.

Difficulty accepting the loss

Sometimes a person just cannot fathom the loss because of the effect on their life.

Avoiding any reminders about the person

People struggling with complicated grief tend to stay away from anything that may remind them of the person they lost.

Surrounding themself with constant reminders of the loss

On the other end of the spectrum, the person may surround themselves with photos, clothes, toys, books, or any other item that serves as a reminder. This helps them keep the person close and connected.

Trouble sleeping results from continuous thoughts about the person and how life is different without them. Losing sleep can affect many aspects of physical and mental health.

Loss of appetite is a common symptom of any type of grief. Complicated grief is no different.

They are unable to socialize because they feel like life will never be the same. While it is true, complicated grief hangs on to those thoughts and can create a depressive atmosphere. The person would rather isolate than socialize.

Physical health is affected due to inappropriate eating, irregular sleeping, and the stress of struggling with anxiety or depression related to the loss.

Unable to maintain relationships results from the loss of identity due to the loss. When a person loses a spouse, it can result in the inability to maintain any other relationships. The loss of a spouse or child can be disorientating when it comes to self-identity.

Coping With Complicated Grief

Learning to cope with complicated grief starts with acknowledging that grief is present. It is important to remember that it is a process and there will be emotional waves that can be intense. Complicated grief is a disorder, and it can be chronic and confusing.

It’s okay not to be okay

When a person feels pain or sadness, they need to know it is okay to have those feelings. God knows that we will mourn and ache because of our loss. He promises that it will be okay, and that there will be joy.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18, NASB

Identify new ways to cope

Sometimes a shocking death can cause a person to forget how to cope. When a person realizes that the normal coping skills aren’t useful it is good to know how to find new coping mechanisms. This could be journaling or some other form of creativity.

Connect to a support system

Experiencing complicated grief can cause a person to feel like isolating and not partaking in the things they once enjoyed. It is vital to stay connected to family and friends as the grief process progresses.

Identify unhealthy thinking patterns

Sometimes a person can get caught up in thoughts of a different outcome. Constantly reflecting on the situation will likely keep a person from healing.

Create boundaries

Each person must be able to recognize what they are capable of doing as they progress through grief. It is okay to set boundaries regarding who can draw from your strengths.

Seek professional help

If a person feels as they are overwhelmed with feelings of grief it is important to connect with a Christian counselor.

Take time

There is no set timeline for processing grief. Each person should take the time they need to process their emotions for healthy healing.

Engage in self-care

Each person needs to know that it is okay to indulge in self-care as they grieve. Enjoying something relaxing doesn’t mean the loss was insignificant. Self-care is a way to heal and move forward in a healthy way.

Next Steps

Complicated grief is a mental health issue that can be treated. It should be identified as soon as possible to ensure that treatment will help reduce the effects of grief. Through faith-based treatment, a Christian counselor can help you develop coping skills that will create a less stressful process. To meet with a Christian counselor to address your grief, contact our office today.

You have taken account of my miseries; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book? – Psalm 56:8, NASB