5 Coping Skills for Dealing with Anger

There doesn’t seem to be an end to our cultural fascination with monsters or various creatures of the natural and supernatural kind. Every year, there are TV shows or movies depicting humans challenging, and often winning, against these monsters. It’s deeply satisfying to witness how resourceful people can be when facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles. The same can be said about dealing with anger and other powerful emotions.

Anger is one of those emotions that we’ve all likely felt or experienced at some point. Some people have been exposed to anger at its worst, whether in the form of a stranger having an explosive meltdown in public, or a loved one being abusive behind closed doors. These unhealthy expressions of anger make that emotion a difficult one to come to terms with. However, it’s possible to bring anger under control and cope well with it.

Why We Get Angry

Is there a purpose or reason for anger? Does this emotion have value in itself? When we see the amount of devastation that anger can cause, it seems like a valid question to ask whether maybe we’re better off not feeling anger at all.

However, it’s important to understand what anger is and the role it plays in our lives and to distinguish the feeling of anger from the various healthy and unhealthy expressions of anger that we can engage in.

Anger serves several distinct functions in our lives. When you get angry, one thing the feeling could be signaling is that a personal boundary has been crossed. If someone makes a joke at your expense, or they take you for granted, for example, you may feel angry. Your anger is telling you that they crossed a line, and something that matters to you has been violated.

Anger is also a helpful response to threats, physical and otherwise. What happens when someone you love is endangered by another person’s actions? You may feel a lot of things all at once, but some of the emotions may include fear for your loved one’s safety and anger directed at the person or circumstance that put them in danger. Anger can thus serve a protective purpose, helping us respond to potential threats.

Anger can also serve as fuel for action. When you have something that you care deeply about, seeing it get threatened or put in jeopardy can stir up anger. Anger is the type of emotion that moves you to do something. That something can be to protect what you care about and to try to make change happen. Anger, for instance, can be fuel for addressing injustice.

Another reason we get angry is that it often functions as a mask for other emotions. In that scenario when someone makes a joke at your expense, the feeling of anger might be prominent, but beneath it and informing it may be other emotions such as fear of being ostracized or feeling vulnerable. Anger can mask these other emotions, helping us to put up a protective front.

The Impact of Anger

It should be noted that anger itself doesn’t dictate what you do with it. That is determined by the patterns you’ve learned or acquired during your life, and the resources you have to handle the anger. It’s important to address the reasons our anger is triggered, as not all of them are godly, but it’s also important to recognize that feeling angry isn’t the same thing as acting upon that anger in destructive ways.

You can cause a lot of damage if you have unchecked anger in your life, and if you express that anger in myriad unhealthy ways. These various ways include turning it inward and mistreating yourself, being passive-aggressive and indirect in your expressions of anger, or directing your anger outward through making threats, shouting, or causing physical harm to yourself, another person, or property.

Damaged relationships and social conflict are not all that anger can result in. When you’re angry a lot of the time, it affects your body and mental well-being. Chronic anger has well-documented links to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease as well as mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. In other words, chronic anger is simply not good for you, and it doesn’t lead to the life the Lord desires for us (James 1:20).

5 Coping Skills for Dealing with Anger

Anger is one of the more powerful emotions we possess. The thing about anger is that it can lead you to make impulsive decisions with significant consequences. When anger sets in, it can short-circuit rational decision-making, and you need to rein it back in before you say or do something you shouldn’t. A good arsenal of coping skills will include things you can do well before you get angry, while you’re getting angry, and in the aftermath of anger.

Some effective coping skills to help you manage your anger include the following:

Physical techniques for release These techniques can help you release anger in the moment as well as help you regulate your daily stress levels. They include regular exercise or activities like going for a walk, a bike ride, dancing, or jogging to reduce anger and release tension. Progressive muscle relaxation, where you tense and relax various muscle groups, can help to relieve muscle tension.

When you’re feeling angry, deep breathing can help to calm your mind and your body. By taking slow, measured, and deliberate breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth, you slow things down so that you can make calm and rational decisions.

Cognitive strategies When it comes to anger, one key to dealing with it is to diffuse anger at the point where a situation or someone’s behavior becomes a provocation. Have you ever noticed how the same thing happening on different days precipitates a different reaction? Sometimes, the frame of mind you’re in affects how you read a situation, and how you respond to it.

Cognitive techniques for addressing anger include reframing the situation. Challenge any negative, catastrophic, or presumptuous thoughts, framing them in a more positive light. You don’t have to take someone’s statement as an insult or append terms like “always” or “never” to describe what just happened. You can use humor to diffuse a situation or take time out to calm yourself down.

Emotional regulation It’s important to grow in your ability to identify your own and other’s feelings to successfully negotiate social situations. Some techniques to regulate your own emotions include being mindful and focusing on the present and nothing else. Grounding techniques, where you focus on your five senses to root you in the present can also help calm you.

You can also make use of journaling to try and understand your anger and as a safe outlet for that anger. By reflecting on your thoughts and emotions, you can identify possible patterns and areas where you can do things differently. You can also practice gratitude, which helps you to focus on the positive things in your life.

Lastly, an effective way to regulate your emotions is to practice good self-care. That includes getting a good night’s sleep, eating a balanced diet that promotes your mental and physical well-being, and engaging in leisure activities that allow you to rest and decompress.

Communication and expression With anger, the healthy choice is to express it in a calm, clear, and assertive manner, instead of holding onto it, suppressing it, or pretending it doesn’t exist. God gave us our emotions for a reason, and pretending they’re not there doesn’t help. You can set boundaries to help protect yourself from unnecessary triggers.

In addition to setting boundaries, you can learn to express your feelings, needs, and expectations respectfully and clearly so that others know where you’re at. You can also express yourself through creative media like art, music, or writing short stories and poems. These are spaces that allow you to express your anger without causing harm to others or yourself.

Find support Life is better with others in it, and that includes when you need help in dealing with challenges (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). Instead of having pent-up feelings, talk with someone about them. Reach out to a trusted loved one. They may have tips about how to deal with anger that you haven’t thought of, like using aromatherapy to promote relaxation and reduce your stress levels.

Next Steps For Dealing With Anger

You can also reach out and talk to a professional anger management counselor or therapist. They can help you to nurture a healthy relationship with your anger and develop effective anger management strategies. You don’t have to be afraid of your anger, or let it take over your life. Reach out today for help with managing and coping with your anger.