How to Quit Porn: Counseling is Essential and Can Help

There is an addiction in this society that affects thousands of people, yet the discussions about its use and abuse are often pushed aside and ignored out of shame and misunderstanding. With our culture’s obsession with sex coming from all angles including television, advertisement, social media, and many other forms, it is no wonder why some people do become addicted to pornography.

Pornography accounts for over 40 million Americans as regular visitors to pornographic internet sites. The following infographic details just how serious and ingrained the use of pornography is in our society and culture (source).

These numbers and accounts of usage really aren’t that different when it comes to an individual of faith.

As pornography is easily accessible, and the Internet of today makes it possible to have access to this material with just a few simple clicks either on one’s computer, tablet, and/or phone. All it takes is an Internet search and one can find whatever pornography that they desire.

A person does not have to leave their home to access this material. There is no more going to the adult store and having to make a purchase. A person can see pornographic images and watch movies without having to leave their home. They can even order this material online.

Granted, for some adults, looking at these images alone is not harmful or addictive, but those individuals are growing smaller in number. Besides there are many other social, moral, and personally responsible reasons why one should refrain from utilizing pornography. Although primarily, it is when a person cannot look away and their addiction begins to affect their relationships that there is definitely a problem with pornography. If a person is trying to access porn at places that can have serious consequences such as at work, then this is a key sign there is a problem.

Like other addictions, when one is struggling with a compulsion and/or addiction to pornography, they usually cannot give it up on their own. They almost always need the assistance of a professional counselor, group counseling, and a group of their peers to help give up this addiction, develop healthy relationships, and learn how to manage their lives without their compulsion to pornography usage.

One of the major struggles with pornography is that it creates the illusion that one’s intimate needs (of which sex is a part) can be met through the fantasy that is offered in whatever pornography one may be using. In addition to being attracted to the physical images, people often become addicted to the fantasy.

There are so many different types of pornography that push the sexual boundaries so a person can find what they are looking for. For some, part of the appeal is that the participants in pornography cannot say no. They submit to every sexual demand that their partner has without protest.

An addict usually becomes so interested in the world of pornography that their intimate relationships suffer, sometimes to the extreme of erectile dysfunction. Not to mention, one can spend an enormous amount of time and money on porn, for it is easy to purchase a large amount of pornography and the price is not always cheap.

Who Can Help Me Figure Out How to Quit Porn?

A counselor, specifically one trained as a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist by the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals, can help an individual struggling with a pornography addiction in a number of ways. A trained professional can help people see a more realistic picture of what is going on in their lives with so much pornography use.

Many people are in denial that they have an addiction to pornography. They do not think that anything is wrong with watching pornography. An adult will not realize that they are spending all of that time watching other people being sexual, and it is hurting the ones around them. A counselor will work with a person to get them to realize the effect that their addition is having on others. Counseling will help a person learn how to develop healthy relationships with others. They can leave their fantasy world and develop meaningful relationships.

How Can a Counselor Help Me Quit Porn?

There are several ways in which the counselor can help a person that is addicted to pornography. They will work with the individual in counseling sessions to understand and overcome the shame and guilt from their sexual/pornography addiction. A person can easily become embarrassed about the sexually explicit images they are viewing, and the behaviors they may engage in as a result.

The counselor will be able to help the individual remove the shame and explore the real issue that makes these images appealing. The shame is important because it often is a major catalyst in instigating the individual’s continuing use of pornography, even if they don’t want to use it anymore.

There is a plan of action the counselor will develop to help a person learn to heal and manage their addiction. Most people cannot just stop watching porn on their own. One of the first things that can be done is to help the addict find a way to self-monitor their behavior. They can include setting up a schedule for computer usage. They may have access to the computer at a specific time in the day for a certain period of time. The computer may be moved into a common area of the home where the usage can be viewed by others.

The counselor will also help a person think about the other activities that they enjoy. This can be engaging in physical activities or participating in a hobby. These activities can keep the mind and the body busy. If a person is participating in another pleasurable activity, this can become a good substitute to looking at pornography.

There may be some other issues that a person with pornography addiction is experiencing. They may have a mental health issue that is left untreated. The unfulfilled part of their life may be filled with the feeling and excitement that pornography has to offer. Many people that are addicted to pornography are suffering from conditions such as depression, anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem.

If a person is suffering from these conditions, the counselor can help them work out these issues. They can work on the causes that lead to the addiction. In addition to working on these issues over the long term, the counselor can help a person cope with these issues on a daily basis. They can help a person learn meditation as well as breathing techniques that can help them calm down. When a person is tempted to look at pornography, they can use these calming techniques to help them pause and regroup.

Rewards for Good Behavior

In order to stay on a path of recovery, people do need to reward their good behavior choices. This is something that is commonly done to help correct or change the behavior of anyone. The same framework can be used to help those suffering from addiction. The counselor can help a person build a system of positive reinforcement. There are some goals that can be set. For example, if a person is able to avoid looking at pornography for a period of one day, they can get some form of small reward. This could include going to the movies or another thing that is pleasurable, positive, and does not involve pornography.

Once a person is able to make their daily goals, they should expand upon them. Instead of just one day, a person will need to go three days at a time without accessing pornography. Once a person is able to meet this goal, they should try to go a week without accessing pornography. This will help build up self-esteem and replace negative behavioral choices with positive and productive choices.

There are several other ways in which a counselor is needed to help a person suffering from an addiction to pornography. Like other addictions, this is serious and a person cannot just give it up on their own. The counselor can help reinforce the positive changes that a person is making. They will certainly help them celebrate the small victories and accomplishments.

Getting Serious About Getting Help

When a person is seeking the professional help of a counselor, they are proving to themselves that they are serious about getting help. The first step to overcoming this addiction is to admit that there is a problem and to get help for this problem. The counselor can provide information such as how addictions happen and will help a person understand why they can become addicted in the first place.

While the sexual acts may be exciting to watch, there is more than sexual gratification that leads to pornography addiction. The therapist will help find out the issues behind the addiction and help a person overcome them. The counselor can also help a person develop a comprehensive plan to overcome this addiction and look at the factors that lead up to the addiction.

Trading Places

In order to replace an addictive behavior, it needs to be replaced with a positive behavior. A person cannot just stop looking at pornography with nothing to replace it. This idle time will need to be filled. The counselor can help a person find other things to fill up their time. They will also provide the emotional support needed to break the addiction.

While friends and family may be supportive with the decision to seek help, there can be some hurt feelings that interfere with the process. A counselor is a neutral party. They do not place shame or guilt on the people they are working with. They are able to show empathy to the addict and let them know that they are not alone.

They will also help the person explore other areas of their life. Addiction is often due to some form of depression. The counselor will listen to the patient talk about what is stressing them out in life and causing them to feel depressed. They can help work out these issues and help work on the other areas of life as well. A person can get the assistance they need to change their behaviors so they can be happier at work, when engaging in social activities, and when developing relationships with others.

A pornography addiction can be from an imbalance in some other areas of a person’s life. The counselor can help a person learn how to develop meaningful relationships with others. This can be anything from relating to a significant other to developing a new friendship. The addict can learn how to develop social skills so they do not have to look for an escape from the real word. They can learn how to relate to others and even some basic skills such as initiating conversations.

Human sexuality is a delicate subject. Many people are excited by different sexual acts. While consenting adults often do not see a problem with some of these behaviors, pornography can lead to distorted sexual views and ways that people interact with each other in a sexual manner. The counselor can help a person understand where some of these views have originated. They can also help put a person on the right track to developing a healthy sexual perception.

The counselor can provide education on sexual relations in the real world versus the world of pornography. This information help a person learn how to relate to their partner. They can also use this information to lead to more satisfying sexual relationships and experiences. There can be some emotions that along go along with the sexual interactions. This can make the sexual acts more about connecting with another person rather than just the act of getting pleasure.

Even the most committed people can lapse at times. Pornography is so easy to access; abstaining from all activity right away can seem like a near impossible task. If a person does slip or lapse and view pornographic images, they need to work with the counselor to find out why they turned to porn. There also may be feelings of guilt that will need to be worked through.

The addict and the counselor can then work out a plan of action that can be used when a person is tempted to look at pornography and how they can resist these images. Distractions and alternative activities may need to be set in place. If there is a lapse in behavior, a person has to learn the skills to forgive themselves and move forward. They cannot dwell on the mistakes or give up the accomplishments they have been making. They may need to revisit a plan to help a person stay encouraged. Something may have happened that made them turn back to the fantasy world. These issues will need to be explored with the counselor as well so a person does not go back on their hard work.

Get the Help You Need

Pornography addiction is a serious condition. With the easy access to pornography images, it is easy for a person to escape into this fantasy world and enjoy the images and the movies that they are viewing. Pornography addiction can have a negative impact on a person’s life. They may be spending all of their time and money on pornography. Their relationships with others may be suffering and the relationship with their significant other can be at risk.

If a person is suffering from a pornography condition, they need to seek the help of a professional counselor. The counselor can help treat the causes of this addiction. They can also give a person the tools and the support they need to change their behavior and learn how to build productive and satisfying relationships with others.