Aging in America: How Can We Best Plan For the Future – Today?

As we  think about how much life has changed, we often wonder what we could have done different or how we could have been more prepared for what was to come.

Financial planning and ways to stay medically healthy is widely talked about among people as they begin to age, but what about ways to mentally and spiritually stay well? Isn’t mental and spiritual well-being just as important?

What about ways that our aging affects our family and the way our family members who are aging affects us? This article might be helpful if you are wondering how you can be prepared for the future by recognizing some of the changes that happen over the life cycle.

As people go through the different stages of life, there are continuous moments of adjustment that takes place based on many different factors. Understanding and knowledge is key in accepting some of the changes that come with development during adolescent and young adulthood.

As people enter into a new stage in life, things may feel continuous, but not always stable. Often times people will feel ups and downs that requires some type of change in their life to regain that stability.

In the family life cycle we see that events such as when a young child goes from elementary school to middle school not only are they affected by the change, but their parents also. Sometimes the parent is dealing with both the change in their child and the change they may be experiencing in their own life, such as the aging of their parent or change in their parents health.

Parents will often decide to make big changes once their children are grown and out of high school, so an adult child moving back in is and adjustment for everyone in the household. The parents may be completely ready to move on to a different stage of parenting, but their adult child may need some support that wasn’t expected.

Have you been thinking about either scenario; you as the parent or as the adult child? Do you have a plan for some of the changes that might happen in your family as you age? Sometimes an adult is the one who is making changes to their living arrangements as they need to move in with their adult children. How can you be prepared for changes within the family system when you are the one providing care for your parent?

There is no normal behavior for each stage in the family life cycle. Every family just needs to be aware that they may develop problems at each transition in the family life cycle when they encounter an environmental or developmental and are unable to accommodate the change.

It is helpful when we have an idea of what might come in the future and how we will move through the change. One of the last stages of change in the family life cycle involves families in later life. There are different parts of the last stage listed below.

Stages of the Family Life Cycle: Families in Later Life

Emotional Process:

• Accepting the shifting generational roles.

Developmental Process:

• Maintaining own or couple functioning and interests despite physiological decline while exploring new familial and social role options.

• Support for more central role of middle generation.

• Making room in the system for wisdom and experience of the elderly and supporting the older generation without overfunctioning for them.

• Dealing with loss of spouse, siblings, peers, and preparing for death.

When you are aging there is so much to think about concerning next steps. Emotionally you are trying to understand and accept the changes you might be experience in your role, as you may go from being a married spouse to a widow or from a parent who generally made all of the decisions on your own to having your adult child making decisions for you.

Whatever you are experiencing in your family as you age, it will be beneficial to have have conversations with your family about your desires before you are in the position to have to actually make a change. Once having conversations with your family it may be a good idea to write it out and keep the document somewhere safe so that when the time comes you are not left making a quick decision about something that maybe takes a little more thought.

Many times as we age we become caregivers for others or someone may become a caregiver for us. Decisions about where we would like to live or what we would like to have happen to use in the case where we cannot care for ourselves can sometimes feel very heavy and emotionally tough.

The burden of making the decision for someone else’s life in the moment’s of despair can also be very hard to do, so taking time to research different options while still in a healthy state of mind or body reduces the stress of wondering what might happen in the future.

People want to know that they will be taken care of when the stage of life that requires some additional help comes around. Although it may seem like the feelings of sadness will take over and prevent families from having conversations around next steps for an aging family member, but remembering the desired outcome is a way to remain motivated.

With extended life expectancy rates in the United States, there are now more adults living with chronic illnesses or disabilities which means that there are many people either receiving care from informal caregivers or providing care as a informal caregiver.

According to the Social Security Office, a man reaching age 65 today can expect to live, on average, until age 84 and a woman reaching age 65 today can expect to live, on average, until age 86. One out of every four  65 year olds right now will live past age 90 and one out of every ten 65 year olds right now will live past age 95. Those numbers gives us all quite a bit to be hopeful for and ponder.

As you are thinking about a plan for the future, it is important to understand the type of needs you or someone you love might have. Some of the needs that caregivers meet are; assisting with transportation and household tasks or basic daily activities like bathing or dressing.

Is this something that you worry about providing for someone you love as you both age? Research shows that caregivers who are unpaid will often have an experience that is rewarding, but also stressful and that can lead to negative physical and mental health consequences.

Maybe you think differently today than you thought you would about your preferences in caring for yourself or a loved one. Possibly you hadn’t planned to have some of the illnesses you are experiencing.

As you reflect on the joy of having a long life, possibly planning for things that may or may not come would be helpful in reducing some of the decisions that will need to be made in the future.

Here are a few solid ideas to think about as you either begin your journey or continue the journey you are already on to be prepared for the future mentally.

Things to Think About

Do I want to work past retirement age?

According to AARP, people are working well into their 70’s and 80’s. Do you you think that is something you would want to do? It is said that 1 in 5 people between the ages of 65 to 74 job enjoyment is the most important reason why they work. Now might be the time that you think about what you are doing or want to be doing and deciding if it is enjoyable.

Also, based on current social security information, full retirement age for those born after 1938 is no longer age 65. The current full retirement age is 67. To best plan for the future it may be wise to prepare yourself financially and emotionally to be in the position to work a little longer than you originally thought you would have to.

Also, be aware that just because you have reached full retirement age doesn’t mean that you can no longer work. Sometimes it is fulfilling to have a job where you may not make enough to support yourself alone from that income, but you are doing something you love.

Do I want to move closer to family?

As you start to think about becoming a grandparent you may question where you want to live to be near your grandchildren. Maybe you also are curious about who will take care of you if you need help as you age. What if your spouse passes away leaving you in a home that you once shared so many memories, but now feels painfully lonely.

All of these scenarios are important, but what do you do if you have built a pretty decent life with a great support system where you live and you are afraid of changing? It is said that moving, regardless of the situation or reason why, improves psychological wellbeing. So, planned or not, your move could improve your mental health. Planning though, is still helpful and the benefits of having a plan could boost your mental state even more.

Thinking about things such as where you will go to church, or how you will meet new people may not seem like they are at the top of the list, but they should be. Community is very important and most people have the desire to be in a community that feels right to them.

You may want to think about what it would take to sell your current home or what you are looking for in a future home. What about who you live with? Some people move in with their children and play a key role in helping raise their grandchildren.

Sometimes, so many different reasons, grandparents are the sole providers and are raising grandchildren without their parents in the home at all. While thinking about if you will move, the decision might be reversed and you are then in the position to allow your children or other family to move in with you.

According to a fact sheet that AARP put together for grandparents, nearly 5.8 million children in the United States under the age of 18 live in a home where their grandparents are the house holder. 2.6 million children live in a home where their grandparents are the house holder and are responsible for them with 1 million of these children living in the home without their parents present.

That is something for you to think about and maybe plan for, because the situation may require your help (parents are unable to care for your grandchildren) or you and your children may just decide this the way you choose to live (based on culture or enjoyment).

Do I understand how to remain mentally healthy?

As we age, many changes happen in our lives; family, financial, social, physical, and psychological. It seems that people have tons of support in the area of finances, because there is financial planning tools. They take care of their physical changes by keeping regular appointments with their doctor and their doctor will put them on a plan manage their health.

If there are changes in their family or friends, one or the other will provide support. So, how do you intentionally take care of your mind as you process all of the changes? Often times we go through life managing the outside things without recognizing the inside things and we are left weary. How can you take care of yourself and mentally plan for some of the changes ahead?

Knowledge of what the change might feel like is helpful. Sometimes knowing what to expect is just enough to keep some to the natural fear you might feel from taking over. You may be worried about things like Dementia or Alzheimer’s because of some of the changes you experience in your thinking, but some changes are to be expected.

Although Alzheimer’s might be something managed by your doctor, your fear and anxiety around developing it would likely be managed by your therapist. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, there is some age related memory loss and some that is is related specifically to Alzheimer’s.

Some age-related memory loss includes making bad decisions once in awhile, missing a monthly payment, forgetting what day it is a remembering later, sometimes forgetting what word to use, and losing things from time to time. Being aware that stress can also cause some of these changes may provide you with some relief as well, since all of the changes above can also cause some new stress to show up in your life.

Learning helpful ways to manage stress before you are experiencing it is recommend for long term stress management. Understanding how to recognize grief is important as you may be in the stage of life where you are experiencing loss of loved ones and friends. Over time you may have developed ways of dealing with grief that haven’t been helpful, so unresolved grief, especially as you experience loss more often, may show up and go without being recognized.

With unpleasant or unplanned changes, sadness or anger may show up. Now would be a good time to learn how to not only express your emotions, but think deeply about how you cope with and manage them for greater success when times feel a little hard. The more you know about yourself while life feels manageable and full of joy the better you will recognize what to do when life feels out of control and a little less joyful.

Do I begin to plan now?

Yes! Now is a great time no matter what age you are, to plan for the future, even if you are in the stage of life where changes have happened already. Maybe you are the caregiver. Possibly you are in need of care. You could be the child who needs some help from your aging parent or maybe you know someone who could benefit from beginning to plan now.

Either way, a therapist here is ready to help support you or your loved one through the process. Please reach out to someone on this journey, as you do not have to journey through the aging process alone.