Benefits of Co-Parenting Counseling

Being a parent is a beautiful mess of hard, complicated, deeply rewarding, and joyful. When you see your children thriving and becoming more of who God made them to be, there is no greater sense of joy for you as a parent. If a child has two parents, presumably they both want what is best for that child, but even at the best of times, parents can disagree about precisely what that is.

Parenting can become even more complex when the two parents aren’t on the same page or in a relationship with each other. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t pull together and continue pursuing what’s best for their child(ren). In fact, in some situations, people being able to co-parent without the romantic dimension of their relationship can be a better outcome for their child(ren).

What is co-parenting?

The end of a romantic relationship does not mean that one’s responsibilities to any child(ren) born to you in the course of that relationship are over. People end up as co-parents through different journeys. Some people get divorced, some are separated, while others never got married and live apart from one another.

Whatever their situation is, they still have a responsibility to nurture and provide for their child(ren). Co-parenting is the agreement between two such individuals who are no longer in a relationship to share in the custody and care of their child(ren).

There are different kinds of co-parenting situations, and these can be categorized based on the levels of cooperation or conflict within them. The kind of co-parenting situation one finds themselves in isn’t necessarily determined by what your marriage or relationship was like.

It’s possible for two people, who were incompatible as a couple and who could not manage the conflict in their relationship well, to work together effectively as parents. The three broad types of co-parenting situations are as follows:

Collaborative co-parenting

While quite challenging for the parents, this type of co-parenting is what is ideal for their child(ren). The reason this type is difficult is that one or both parents may struggle with emotions such as bitterness, anger, confusion, hurt, or disappointment as a result of the separation or divorce or because their former partner has seemingly moved on and adjusted well while they have not.

Dealing with strong emotions like these can affect interactions with one’s ex and can lead to refusal to work together, even for the good of the child. Collaborative co-parenting can take years to achieve, and it will look like a low-conflict situation where the two parents respect one another, have great communication and they are willing to share parenting decisions.

Parallel co-parenting

When people end a romantic relationship, they don’t always like each other, but they can agree that the most important needs are those of their child(ren). Parallel co-parenting describes a situation where the two parents decide to carry on their individual lives but agree to tolerate and work with each other for the sake of the child(ren).

Communication between the parents may be formal and seem more business-like and professional than personal as they exchange schedules and meet to talk about matters that pertain to their child(ren).

High conflict co-parenting

This third type of co-parenting is one that is fraught with complications. The parents don’t communicate or work well with one another, and often they have to address matters through another person such as a family member, friend, or a lawyer because talking devolves into arguments or mudslinging.

The child(ren) can often be caught in the middle of the strife and power struggle between the parents, and this makes for an unhealthy environment for them.

How co-parenting counseling works

Parenting in the same household can be complicated and hard. Being in a co-parenting situation means being forever tied to someone you no longer want as a partner. That can be difficult, especially if your relationship did not end well, and if you had disagreements about parenting.

The purpose of co-parenting counseling is to help parents set aside their feelings of anger, bitterness, and hurt so that they can relate to each other civilly and constructively for the sake of their child(ren).

Co-parenting counseling places an emphasis and focus on the child(ren) first. In this way, it differs from other forms of counseling. How co-parenting counseling works will depend on the state of your relationship as well as the direction of your counselor. Some people may be separated but still living together, while others are already divorced and in different households by the time they seek co-parenting counseling.

In some circumstances, co-parenting is helpful for the child(ren) to process the separation or divorce, especially when it is still new. In co-parenting counseling, parents must bring their child(ren) to meet with a counselor individually and early in the process, so they have an opportunity to process their feelings and thoughts about what’s going on.

While co-parenting counseling also helps parents to understand themselves, their feelings, and their child(ren), the primary aim is to help them be the best parents they can be and influence their interactions with the other parent for the good of the child(ren). Through discussion, parents will be directed by the counselor to understand their children better so that they can make effective decisions that work best for the child(ren).

Ideally, both parents should be in co-parenting counseling so they can learn how to be better parents, but that doesn’t always happen. One parent can go for co-parenting counseling, putting what they learn into practice. It’s important to use co-parenting counseling to grow as a parent, and not as a platform to rehash the past or play the blame game. That way, you get the most out of it.

Issues addressed

Several issues and questions can be addressed in co-parenting counseling, including:

Parenting styles and strategies

When raising a child, there are many points to consider, including how you’ll motivate good behavior, handle discipline, what schools they’ll attend, and the worldview you cultivate in them. Co-parenting counseling will help you bring greater alignment and mutual respect for one another in your parenting while pointing out what may be unhelpful.

Communication

To work well with someone you’ve broken up with requires great communication skills. Co-parenting counseling can unearth unhelpful patterns of communication as well as better ways to get your point or ideas across.

Problem-solving

Being able to creatively solve problems is key as many challenges will arise such as scheduling conflicts and navigating your separate worlds.

Conflict resolution

Tensions will inevitably rise, as will disagreements. Co-parenting counseling will address how to nip these issues in the bud as well as resolve them constructively.

Benefits of co-parenting counseling

Co-parenting counseling may be uncomfortable. It can be hard, awkward, and messy, just like co-parenting itself is. However, your child(ren) deserves the best you have to offer as a parent, and getting there may require the assistance of a counselor.

If you’re in a co-parenting situation, consider seeing a counselor to help you grow in your parenting and navigate the complexities of co-parenting. Some of the benefits of co-parenting counseling include the following:

Stronger parenting skills

Co-parenting counseling can help you better parent your child(ren) in your new situation by strengthening healthy habits while indicating unhelpful ones. By focusing on your child and their needs, you’ll become better attuned to what they need and how to provide that as co-parents.

Better communication skills

Co-parenting counseling can teach you healthy and effective ways to communicate with your former partner without it devolving into arguments and unnecessary conflict.

You can learn to communicate well, including gaining proficiency in using “I” language, being genuinely curious, and consulting with one another while extending the benefit of the doubt. This can help overcome the need to resort to a third party such as a friend or family member to function as a go-between.

Conflict resolution skills

When you better understand why conflict occurs and the best way to diffuse it and work through it, it will help you deal with conflict constructively. Your newfound conflict resolution skills will help you negotiate difficulties by seeking common ground, making proposals and compromises that meet the needs of your child(ren) and each other, and so on. This will reduce the need to communicate through lawyers, which carries a financial cost.

Improved co-parent relationship and well-being

Constant conflict and strife are unhealthy for the co-parents and their child(ren). Better cooperation between them not only improves their relationship, but it flows into greater well-being for them as individuals.

Chronic stress from dealing with your co-parent can have negative health outcomes. Having a relatively conflict-free relationship is good for you, and it’s also good for your child(ren) as they witness how to resolve conflict effectively. Get in touch with a Christian counselor today to learn how co-parenting counseling can be good for you, your ex, and your child or children.