How to Deal With Anger: What Does the Bible Say?

Anger is a feeling of displeasure that involves a judgment of some kind. We think to ourselves: “That’s wrong!” Our whole self feels anger. We have physical expressions of it – a frown, clenched fists, throwing our keys down, punching a door, or worse – as well as verbal, mental, and emotional expressions.

When we are angry, we are in fight-or-flight mode, ready to attack or defend ourselves. We tend to use anger to intimidate and manipulate others to get what we want. However, the costs are high: anger can damage our relationships, and if we don’t control it, it can wreck our lives.

Do you struggle with anger?

The anger spectrum

The truth is that everyone struggles with anger. Anger just looks different for different people. It is not always expressed as shouting or hitting something. There are potent types of anger that are much more subtle than those, but which are just as destructive to you and your relationships. Learning how to deal with anger in all its forms is therefore essential to your well-being.

Buried anger is anger that is hidden, we might not even be aware of it, or we might distract ourselves from it with busyness, leisure activities, overeating, drugs, or alcohol.

Veiled anger is a type of anger we are more aware of, although we try to hide it from others. Veiled anger seeps through in the form of sarcasm, judgmental thoughts, indifference, and passive aggression.

Mild anger is expressed in the form of complaining, being irritated, or feeling frustrated.

Intense anger is at the most heated end of the spectrum. It is expressed through bitterness, hostility, and violence.

How do you typically express your anger? What are the consequences for your relationships, mood, health, work, and finances? Take a moment to think through these questions carefully.

What does God say about anger?

Is it always wrong to be angry? Does God ever get angry? The Bible is rich with teaching on how to deal with anger. Let us take a look at some of what Scripture says about anger.

Then the Lord came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation. – Exodus 34:5-7, NIV

God describes himself as slow to anger, but He is not without anger. He does get angry about wickedness, rebellion, and sin, and he does not leave the guilty unpunished. Yet, at the same time, He is abounding in love and faithfulness and forgiving of sin. God’s anger is steeped in love and compassion, it is not a knee-jerk response but a slow, just, and merciful action for the benefit of His people.

In the New Testament, we see that Jesus too became angry in certain situations.

Another time Jesus went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, “Stand up in front of everyone.”

Then Jesus asked them, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent. He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus. – Mark 3:1-6, NIV

In this instance, Jesus was deeply distressed and angry at the stubbornness of the Pharisees’ hearts. Yet he responded by healing the man with the shriveled hand.

The clearing of the temple is another example of Jesus being angry:

In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” – John 2:14-16, NIV

Jesus becomes angry at the way God’s house is being used for corruption and commerce when it should have been a place of worship. At first glance it may seem like Jesus simply lost His temper, but notice how He takes the time to craft a whip out of cords before He acts. Although He uses physical force on some of the offending objects (coins, tables) no one is hurt and He explains why He is angry (at the people’s wickedness).

The purpose of getting rid of the commercial activities was so that the temple could be used for its intended purpose – a place where all people could worship the Lord. Jesus’ anger was intense but constructive, steeped in love for God and His people.

In these and other examples, Scripture shows us that it is possible to be good and angry; it shows us how to deal with anger righteously. Can you see how in both situations Jesus’ anger mirrors God’s anger at wickedness and sin? It is not selfish anger, aroused because he did not get something he wanted. The reason for our anger is thus critically important in discerning whether our anger is sinful or righteous.

How to deal with anger

If we are truly honest with ourselves, most times our anger is not primarily to do with wickedness and sin, nor is it expressed in a patient, gracious way that builds others up in love. James 4:1-3 puts it like this:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. – James 4:1-3, NIV

We usually get angry because we are not getting what we want, or what we feel is fair or owed or deserved, or what we have a “right” to have. Yet so often this thing is self-serving, for our own glory, not God’s glory or to serve others. This truth is not easy to see or admit.

Our assumptions about the world, ourselves, and God run deep and are difficult to discern. We can even Christianize our desires. For example, we may think “She owes me respect: the Bible says a wife must respect her husband!” and elevate these desires to needs, which then serve to “justify” our anger when they go unfulfilled.

Think about the last time you felt angry. How did you deal with anger? What were you not getting that you wanted? Have you elevated a desire to a need? Come to the Lord in prayer and ask for his forgiveness and help.

Seeking outside help for anger

Anger is probably one of the hardest emotions to understand and control, and unchecked anger can be very destructive in your life. It is worth asking a counselor to help you identify the source of your anger and to gain insight into how to deal with anger.

Please contact the office today to schedule an appointment with a counselor and begin to see positive change in your life as the Lord works in you.