Teens and Codependent Relationships

Teenagers are particularly susceptible to codependent relationships. Because they are in a unique stage of development, experiencing romantic relationships for the first time and learning what authentic and intimate relationships look and feel like, they may have difficulty differentiating between an unhealthy, codependent relationship and a healthy, interdependent relationship. This is especially true if they have experienced codependent relationships in the home.

Codependent relationships are not limited to romantic situations. Friendships, connections with people in authority, and family relationships can all be at risk. In these developmental years, teens learn about themselves and develop their sense of self and independence. They are learning how to navigate all kinds of relationships. While healthy relationships are ideal, they can feel difficult to achieve.

It is important, however, that they learn how to have healthy connections with people. Codependency can affect them in a variety of ways. Here are some ways in which codependent relationships can impact teenagers:

Struggles with identity formation

When a teen is in a codependent relationship it may become difficult to develop a strong sense of self. It is common for teens to define themselves primarily through their relationships. This makes it less likely that they will value themselves as independent individuals.

Teens may not learn to prioritize their needs, wants, and feelings when this occurs. Instead, they may put the other person ahead of them to a fault. While it is good to honor the wishes of people you care about, doing so at the expense of your own identity is, in the end, a painful way to live.

Teens need to learn how to develop their own identity and see themselves as inherently valuable.

Issues with boundaries

Personal boundaries are often disregarded in codependent relationships. At the very least, the lines of personal boundaries are blurred. People begin to take on the needs of another person as their own. Instead of existing as an individual in a relationship with another person, a codependent relationship results in an existence focused only on another person’s needs, feelings, and expectations.

Teens often have a difficult time sorting through their feelings, thoughts, and desires. In codependent relationships, teens may struggle to understand where their own needs and desires end, and their partner’s begin. Teens need to learn about setting boundaries in relationships. This ensures the wellness of the teen as well as the health of the relationship.

A roller coaster of emotions

The teen years are marked by tumultuous, shifting emotions. This is, in part, due to hormones. It is also because they are developing as individuals and becoming adults. Codependent relationships further complicate the emotional rollercoaster of emotions that teens experience.

Codependent relationships are often marked by intense emotions. These can include anxiety, guilt, fear, and even anger. This is because of the unbalanced nature of the relationship and the unhealthy interactions that occur. The dynamics of a codependent relationship make the emotional rollercoaster of the teen years more complicated. Teens need to focus on navigating their emotions as they develop without the complications of codependent relationships.

Frequent low self-esteem

A hallmark of codependent relationships is the need for the partner’s approval or validation. When someone doesn’t receive the approval or validation they seek, they often feel bad about themselves.

Self-worth is already a struggle for many teens. As they navigate high school, friendships, changing responsibilities, and family relationships, it can be hard to feel like they measure up. Teens often look around them to make sure they fit somewhere. This constant questioning can affect self-worth.

Teens in codependent relationships often tie their self-worth to their partner’s approval or validation. Because this is out of their control and variable, it can lead to a diminished sense of self-esteem. It is essential for teens to be in relationships that support positive self-esteem.

Experience a loss of independence

In codependent relationships, it can seem easier and present less conflict to rely on another person to make decisions. This can cause teens to become overly reliant on their partners, and eventually, to learn to distrust their own emotions, observations, and perceptions.

Living in a way that supports healthy independence is important for teens’ emotional well-being. They need to learn how to assert their wants and needs. A codependent relationship makes this difficult.

Feel isolated from support systems

Codependent relationships lead to fewer healthy relationships in one’s life over time. This can mean that teens in codependent relationships lose the positive influence of people who have often supported them. Because codependent relationships can be isolating, teens may lose relationships with friends, family, and other support networks.

This is particularly dangerous for teens as they need support in place to navigate the challenges of adolescence. When a codependent relationship takes over, teens lose the support they need for healthy development. Strong support networks are essential during the teen years.

Challenges with academics and social life

School and activities are part of every teen’s life in some way. When they are in a codependent relationship, their schoolwork and social life can be affected. Because codependent relationships can be all-consuming, they can often neglect important things like academics, work, sports, clubs, and social activities. Focus on school and important activities only comes when teens are in healthy relationships.

Participate in risky behavior

There are times when a codependent relationship encourages even more serious behavior. Some behaviors like alcohol and drug use, self-harm, disordered eating, and rule-breaking accompany codependent relationships because of a partner’s influence.

Other times, teens in codependent relationships are struggling and choose to engage in behavior they ordinarily would avoid. This can be an attempt to navigate their feelings associated with the codependent relationship. In some cases, teens in codependent relationships might engage in risky behaviors to maintain or salvage the relationship, potentially jeopardizing their well-being.

Risky behaviors are minimized when teens are in healthy relationships.

Potential for abusive situations

Codependent relationships can sometimes go even deeper than affecting well-being. There are times when these relationships can develop emotional, verbal, or physical behavior.

These abusive situations can be particularly damaging during these developmental years when teens are building a foundation for future relationships in their lives. Teens may not know how to recognize or navigate an abusive situation.

To minimize the risk of emotional, physical, or verbal abuse, teens should avoid codependent relationships.

How parents and caregivers can help

Parents and caregivers must be aware of the signs of a potentially codependent relationship in a teenager. Signs can include significant shifts in behavior, withdrawal from friends and family, extreme emotional swings, or preoccupation with the relationship.

Some important things for adults to offer:

• Open, non-judgmental communication.
• A safe space for the teen to talk about their feelings and concerns.
• Encourage independence.
• Support the teen’s interests and activities outside of the relationship.

If you are suspicious that the relationship is unhealthy or potentially abusive, outside help is needed. A professional therapist, counselor, or social worker can help provide guidance and support for you and the teen. Search for a therapist who specializes in working with teens. This will help you find someone who has a clear understanding of their unique needs.

To learn more about codependence or to find a counselor, look at the resources available on this site. There are Christian counselors ready to help your teen with whatever they are facing, including potentially codependent relationships.

With a counselor, your teen can find freedom from the negative effects of codependent relationships. A counselor can also help you know how to support your teen and encourage healthy relationships. Begin today by contacting a counselor in this directory or reaching out to the office.