What To Know During Your First Year of Marriage

The first year of marriage is an exciting time. You have been through the dating phase and engagement, and finally, after weeks or months (or years), you are finally husband and wife.

But the first year of marriage can also be challenging as you learn to navigate the realities of married life and adapt to your new normal.

Why the First Year of Marriage is Eye-Opening

The first year of marriage is eye-opening and quite the adjustment for most couples. This is a time when the newness and excitement begin to fade slightly, and the realities of living together on your own set in.

Couples are faced with the following issues during the first year of marriage:

• Getting married is a major life event.
• Extended family (in-laws) can encroach on your relationship and time.
• Living arrangements can be tentative when first starting out.
• Household chores can be distributed unevenly.
• Couples may have never argued with each other before and are unsure how to resolve conflict.
• Newly married couples may not agree on financial matters, accounts, budgets, or spending.
• Living together exposes selfish desires and pet peeves.

During the first year of marriage, the proverbial ‘veil’ comes off, and couples see each other for who they really are. This is the time to accept and choose grace and love daily.

Suggestions for Making the First Year of Marriage Great

As eye-opening as the first year of marriage may be, it’s also exciting. The vision for the future seems bright and clear. You are setting goals, and the thought of the doors God may open may leave you exhilarated and anxious.

The following are suggestions to help make the first year of marriage great. The most important thing to remember is to center your marriage around God. Lean into the Lord and allow His Son to be the foundation of your relationship. Pray, serve, and worship together. Follow the principles to become more Christ-like, and you will have the advantage.

Accept change and give yourselves grace

The first year of marriage is fraught with changes. These changes can feel scary initially, and you will make mistakes. Learn to give yourself grace as well as grace to your spouse. Change is hard, and people adapt in various ways. What works for you may not work for your spouse.

Never hesitate to consult with a professional if you feel overwhelmed. Major life events, even good ones, can trigger anxiety and depression in some people. Pay attention to how you manage feeling overwhelmed and, instead, lean toward healthy coping strategies.

Set boundaries

You are not the only one experiencing a major life change when you get married. Your families may have trouble adjusting, especially if you married young or if you are recently married again and have grown children. You may experience in-laws calling at all hours or stopping by whenever they want, which can be a problem when you are trying to adjust to married life during the first year.

Setting healthy boundaries is not a punishment. Boundaries protect your peace and your relationship. When others meddle in your conversations or choose sides during arguments, it’s harder to resolve conflict.

To avoid their input (unless you ask for it), learn to set boundaries. For example, let others know that you and your spouse turn off the ringer at a certain time or do not return messages or calls until the next day. You may need to be firm about people calling before coming to visit.

Decide on living arrangements and split household chores equally

Agreeing on where to live and how to split household chores now can save you heartache later. It is harder on a relationship when one spouse is expected to take on all the chores, whether or not they work outside the home.

As you look for a place to live, keep in mind that more often, couples choose a place to live temporarily until they can save for a down payment for a home. Is the location close to work or school? Keep in mind your lifestyles and what you like to do. Agree on what you need now and the dreams you share for the future.

Learn to communicate and resolve conflict openly

One of the biggest hurdles during the first year of marriage is miscommunication. Communication skills can help you express your ideas and emotions. Conflict resolution can help you actively listen to the other person and work to find solutions without hurting one another or destroying property.

There is no excuse for any form of abuse in a relationship. Learning the skills necessary to have adult conversations to bring peace will help build trust and make your marriage and home a safe space, not just for you, but for your family as well.

Work together to create a financial budget

The first year of marriage can be fraught with financial problems as you learn to navigate money matters together. You may have larger payments, be in debt, or have to figure out how to make ends meet each month. In some cases, you both may need to work or take second (or third) jobs to provide a sense of financial security.

Take one day at a time. Jesus told His followers, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) Be responsible with money and budget, pay down debt, and save, but also don’t rely on money for your security. God is the only sure thing.

Pick your battles wisely

Living together means putting up with each other’s faults, not just the strengths. When we first fall in love, we can only see the good things about a person. We are blinded to their faults. But the first year of marriage exposes the small things, the pet peeves that you will need to accept to keep the peace.

Learn to pick your battles wisely. Never demean your spouse or make fun of them for things they cannot help. Remember, you probably have some pet peeves that drive your spouse crazy, also. Battles should be about important things, not who left the toilet seat up or didn’t set the sour cream back in the refrigerator.

Notice when you are being selfish

If you have never been married before, you may have lived a life that mostly revolved around yourself. This isn’t to say you didn’t look out for family and friends, but you may be used to getting your own way and doing what you want, when you want. Marriage makes us take notice of another person’s wants and needs, someone we love very much. Sometimes that means placing our partner’s wants and needs above our own.

Love your spouse for who they really are and strike a balance in compromise. There will be times when compromise is necessary and other times when you have to choose the best option, even if that means you don’t get your way. But also keep in mind that your voice and opinions matter. If your spouse seems to overrule you on every argument as if they know best, try discussing with them how this makes you feel. Consult a counselor if you need help.

Marriage counseling is only a phone call or click away

The first year of marriage is full of surprises as well as obstacles. You don’t have to go through it alone. Marriage counseling can happen at any time during the relationship to equip you with strategies for dealing with things that may come your way or to tackle issues that catch you off guard. Our Christian counseling center helps couples like you every day navigate through marriage, whether it’s their first year or fiftieth.

Contact our center today to schedule a session with a Christian counselor and let us help you enjoy the first year of marriage.