5 Different Communication Styles and How They Impact Relationships

We are all created differently, contributing to an interesting world of relationships and daily interactions. Unfortunately, these interactions come with confusion, frustration, anger, and misunderstandings. One of the areas where our differences become apparent is how we communicate. Communication and different communication styles can make or break relationships. How a person communicates can either help make life a little easier or difficult for them.

What is a communication style?

A communication style is defined as the way a person typically expresses themselves. This includes their verbal and non-verbal arsenal of communication tools such as speech, tone of voice, eye contact, body language, facial expressions, attention span, and word choice.

A person’s communication style is made up of several components. Communication is comprised of our words, but beyond words is the tone we use, the word choices we make, the gestures that accompany those words, our facial expressions, and our overall demeanor.

Of course, while people may exhibit similar behaviors, we are also quite complex as individuals. A person may have different ways of communicating in different circumstances. However, the way an individual communicates and interacts with their colleagues on a professional level does not necessarily indicate how or what they will do or say when they are in a more personal setting, such as at home with their family or friends.

Direct and Indirect Tendencies

Being aware of the various components or tendencies that mark your communication style can be beneficial when interacting with people. Likewise, detecting other styles and adapting yours may make it more likely to be heard. The opposite is also true. The main point of communicating is to be heard and understood, and at times changing your communication style can make all the difference in that effort.

Communication styles come in two broad tendencies, which are whether we are more direct or indirect in the way we talk to people. Either broad type of communication style can, depending on the circumstances, elicit feelings of guilt, empowerment, trust, frustration, or anger in the person on the receiving end.

Types of Communication Styles

Communication styles have been categorized into five types and each of these will have certain effects on how people will respond when communicating. The styles are as follows:

Aggressive

Aggressive communicators tend to speak louder than other people, and they can also use language that can be read as antagonistic, forceful, and abrasive. They can step into other’s personal space, and they often use intense eye contact. By talking over others, and by being vocal about their opinions, aggressive communicators can end up, intentionally or otherwise, belittling, or insulting others.

Passive

A passive communicator will often want to avoid causing conflict or “Rocking the Boat.” They do not seek attention, are typically quiet, and will not take a strong stance or assert their opinion during a discussion.

This can make it difficult for individuals interacting with them to gauge whether they are uncomfortable or have particular needs. Their easy-going nature can make working in collaborative spaces somewhat unproductive, as they may be unwilling to say “no” when it is necessary.

Passive-aggressive

Passive-aggressive communicators also struggle to express their true feelings directly, and they want to avoid conflict or confrontation with others while subtly making others aware of their needs.

A passive-aggressive communicator will often rely on non-verbal cues to alert others to their sense of irritation or unhappiness. This may include sighing, giving the silent treatment, or using condescension in their tone. They may also use indirect methods such as gossiping or starting rumors, which can damage relationships.

Assertive

An assertive communicator will clearly and confidently express themselves without any feelings of fear or disrespect. They are polite, and direct, and usually maintain good eye contact while speaking in a calm tone of voice.

While communicating their own perspective, assertive communicators are also able to seek a compromise. They can say “no” when they need to, and they can protect their boundaries without needing to resort to aggression or defensiveness.

Manipulative

A manipulative communicator can use cunning tactics to guide conversations in their preferred trajectories. They can mask their meaning and use words that are appealing to their listeners to get their way. There is often a discrepancy between what they say and what they do.

Cultivating a Healthy Communication Style

The assertive communication style is ideal in many circumstances, but that does not mean a person of another style cannot be an effective communicator. An assertive communicator, for instance, is highly aware of the needs of others and chooses to use their influence and communication skills to positively shift the focus to meeting the needs of others in addition to meeting their needs as well, producing a “Win/Win” outcome.

Other ways to improve communication skills include the following:

Be empathetic and authentic

Genuinely try to understand the feelings and thoughts of others as you interact with them. Seeing things from another person’s perspective plays an important role in the individual feeling heard and understood..

Remain open to feedback

Be willing to learn from your mistakes, and be open to hearing constructive feedback from others about how you communicate.

Create room for interaction

Allow for conversation to be just that; a two-way interaction in which you speak and listen attentively to what the other person is saying.

Learn to say “no” effectively

Being able to assert your boundaries without being either defensive or aggressive takes practice. It also requires that you give yourself permission to assert your needs and to value them.

When you say “no,” you’re not being unloving, but you are respecting yourself and creating space for others to respect you as well. When you say “no,” do not think of it as defending yourself against others, but simply as an attempt to relate to others in a healthy way.

Practice active listening

Part of learning to be a more effective communicator is knowing how to listen well. Often, our ‘listening’ is punctuated by interruptions. We may already be formulating a response in our heads while the other person is still talking or jumping to conclusions and judging the person who is speaking.

Growing in your active listening ability will help you to be more sensitive to the needs of others. It will allow you to manage expectations and better communicate your intentions in ways that you know will resonate meaningfully.

Practice your public speaking

Just as listening is something you can practice, you can also practice speaking and grow in your effectiveness. Some things can only be learned through real-life experience, and speaking publicly can help you learn things about yourself as well as about the dynamics of addressing a group of people.

Express your ideas and needs with “I” statements

Being able to express yourself confidently without being afraid or aggressive is a skill worth learning. When you are communicating your needs or expressing your feelings, use “I” statements.

Utilizing “I” statements helps you communicate your feelings, needs, and concerns without sounding as though you are threatening others or blaming them. “I” statements allow the other person to remain receptive to what you are saying, and you can avoid making the other person shut down.

Growing as a communicator is vital in every aspect of life, from work to personal relationships, as well as everyday interactions with strangers. Being aware of your communication style and alert to the styles of others can help you communicate effectively.

Getting Help for Better Communication

If you need help understanding your communication style, how it affects others in your relationships, and how to adapt it and avoid the pitfalls in your style, you can talk with a counselor. They can help you identify your communication style and develop skills to enhance it. They can also provide a space for you to practice so that you can improve your communication skills. Reach out to our office and we will put you in touch with a trained therapist.