5 Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior is characterized by actions from hurting and angry people who don’t know how to express themselves directly. These people may be living in fear of expressing themselves directly for fear of conflict or retaliation.

However, passive-aggressive behavior can be just as dangerous as aggressive, overt behavior. People can seek to ruin other people’s reputations and lives simply by withholding information, not doing a task, or denying anything is wrong.

5 Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Here are five signs of passive-aggressive behavior:

1. Withdrawal
A person whom someone has wronged may withdraw their love, affection, or approval. They may have given people the “silent treatment” or the “cold shoulder,” meaning they will ignore them or have only superficial levels of communication. This robs the other person of having a chance to communicate or change their ways. This is a silent way for people to get what they want and punish others without expressing it directly.

This is also a means to manipulate the other person. While it may be important for a person to use the space necessary to process their feelings, people can also use this technique to get the other person to apologize or take full responsibility for the incident, even if the person being manipulative needs to take responsibility for their part.

This is commonly used in marriage relationships. After an argument, a wife or husband may ignore the other spouse. They may use the excuse that they are processing their emotions or stewing, but the reality is that they are using it to make the other person feel bad about the argument. This is a way to win over the other person and make the other person feel inferior.

2. Sabotage
Just as a person may act out in ways that intentionally ignore or reject the other person, they may also neglect steps that end up preventing the timely completion of tasks, or cause a person to see them as unreliable. For example, if a co-worker acts passively toward their boss, they may delay completing a task by the day’s end as instructed by the boss so that the boss will be delayed in completing the task.

When the boss confronts the coworker, the coworker excuses why the task was not done. This is an intentional way of withholding their competency and efficiency to make the boss look incompetent in the eyes of others.

Sabotage can be acts of omission where they do not complete a task on time, or they can do a task half-heartedly, leaving things undone or almost completing the task but leaving some undone. This is another passive-aggressive tactic used against someone because they don’t want to give the other person with whom they’re angry their whole abilities, efficiency, or talent. This act of omission can ruin relationships if not careful.

3. Denial
If the person feels as if someone is acting passive-aggressive toward them, they may want to ask them directly what’s going on. However, a person who does not wish to express themselves directly will deny that anything is happening.

They may go so far as to gaslight the other person, turning it around on them and making them feel paranoid or crazy simply because they made this suggestion. However, the person may secretly have anger toward the other, and they don’t want to express it to them and avoid conflict.

However, this type of behavior always leads to conflict. A person who consistently denies any issues in their relationship and ignores or doesn’t engage with them will eventually have the relationship either severed or strained. Denying there’s a problem does not make the problem go away.

Often, many people want to sweep things under the rug and deny them, so they don’t have to deal with the real issue. However, a person who wants healthy relationships with others may find they cannot have a healthy relationship with that person because they will not fully acknowledge what’s happening.

4. Ghosting
People in relationships or people who want to end a relationship but do not tell the person might ghost them by ignoring texts or being unresponsive to requests for appointments or dates with them. When the ghosted person confronts them, they may lie, say they didn’t receive the text, make excuses, or claim they have plans with others.

If the person does this long enough, a person will understand that the person doesn’t want to be in a relationship with them and end it. However, this is a less than reputable way of handling the situation. An emotionally healthy person will state directly that they want to end the relationship and deal with anger and other negative feelings that come with the loss of a relationship.

5. Chronic Lateness
Chronic lateness can also be a sign of passive-aggressive behavior. A person who is only late occasionally can be forgiven for the occasional traffic jam or late start to the day. However, people who demonstrate passive-aggressive behavior may be chronically late and show that you (or the event they need to be at) are not as important as them. This reflects a lack of self-worth, control, manipulation, and pride.

A person who deals with others in that manner demonstrates that what they have to do is more important than showing up for an important event or appointment that they have scheduled with you. This can easily be just as irritating as any of the above signs.

While this can be corrected through a boss or coworker by docking their pay or speaking to them directly about losing their job, it does not work as well with people who are volunteers, like in a church setting or even in a marriage relationship. A person who cannot count on their spouse because they’re chronically late will engage in more conflict and bitter arguments.

The key to healthy relationships is to take the example of Jesus. Jesus tells His disciples to “Turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39) The emotionally mature person does not allow these things to rattle them but instead speaks directly about things when angry. By using I-statements, talking to that person directly and letting them know how their lateness affects you is more than appropriate.

If they choose not to change their ways, you can quickly stop inviting them to appointments or events. When you decide not to ask them, it sends a clear signal to the other person stating that they would rather have someone who will be on time and respect them than someone who will not. That person will either be forced to change their ways or not go to events.

A passive-aggressive person may try to manipulate you by letting you know this is childish or immature. However, their behavior is equally as so. They must understand how their behavior affects you so you can work on your relationship. Passive-aggressive behavior is often a symptom of a much larger problem.

Two people must work out their differences and let the other person know how they are feeling and how their actions affect them. This not only helps people to grow into more emotionally mature individuals, but it also helps them to be more Christlike.

A person who merely sweeps things under the rug or does not allow them to be the people God wants them to be is not helping the other person. When we genuinely love others, we enable people to be who they are supposed to be. We teach people how to be more mature so that they may grow up into Christ-like examples.

Although passive-aggressive behavior is commonly used, it is a toxic way to maintain relationships. People do not want to be with people who act passive-aggressively. The best way to have healthy relationships is to communicate openly and honestly with others, regardless of how the other person responds.