Tacoma Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and Loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Pornography Addiction
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Sexual Addiction
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Couples Counseling
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Counseling for Children
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Sexual Addiction
    • Marriage Counseling
  • LocationsWe have offices at various locations
    • Bellevue Office FrontBellevue
    • Bothell Office Front EntranceBothell
    • Edmonds Christian CounselingEdmonds
    • Everett Office Front EntranceEverett
    • Federal Way 2Federal Way
    • HansvilleHansville
    •  1Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey 2Lacey
    • Mill Creek Office Waiting RoomMill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    • Puyallup Christian CounselingPuyallup
    • Redmond OfficeRedmond
    • Seattle Downtown Christian CounselingSeattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 1Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma Office FrontTacoma
    •  1Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind out more about our counselors
  • CareersJoin our team of Christian Counselors
  • (253) 777-1997Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

Coming Home: Restoring and Rebuilding After Marital Separation

Tacoma Christian Counseling
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/laura-chouette-qaRaOPQbZhI-unsplash-scaled1-scaled.jpg 2560 1670
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Mount-Rainier.jpg
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Tacoma-Christian-Counseling-Logo-Fill-Stacked.jpg
621 Pacific Ave, Suite 302
TACOMA, WA 98402
United States
621 Pacific Ave, Suite 302
TACOMA, WA 98402
United States
Photo of Jessica Burgans

Jessica Burgans

Jul
2023
11

Coming Home: Restoring and Rebuilding After Marital Separation

Jessica Burgans

Couples CounselingMarriage CounselingRelationship Issues

While many couples experience marital separation as a bridge to transition between marriage and eventual divorce, that is not the case with everyone. Some reunite, using the time apart to pray and process, sorting out soul wounds and seeking healing.

It is a time when we are vulnerable, suspended between the hopes we held for our vows and our lives, and the unknown future of a life that may look nothing like what we prayed or planned.

In significant ways, legal marital separation allows us to examine our hearts alongside those elements that contributed to our marital distress. Here, we can experience an altar of sorts, where we encounter a rebirth and a personal rebuild in this period of stillness with the Holy Spirit.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

For those of us who choose to restore marriage following a marital separation, we need the care that the Holy Spirit administers through comfort and counsel. Deciding to rebuild with our spouse begins with our own heart’s need to reset with God. We may experience a range of emotions and entertain endless questions, but we do not have to navigate it alone.

Spiritually, we have the backing of a Father who loves us and longs to care for the needs we cannot tend. Practically, He connects us with counsel and community to walk us through the nuances of in-between seasons, with the confidence that He completes what He begins (Philippians 1:6; 1 John 3:2).

The Word of God is not a magic wand that waves away the challenges that marked our history with our spouse. It is significantly more powerful, working from the inside, to bind hope to our despair, joy to our discontent, and peace to our confusion.

Although we desire to reconnect and reunite with our spouse following a time of legal separation, we must remember that we cannot control another human being. Only God shapes hearts, as humans respond to the Holy Spirit’s touch. While he or she chooses out of free will, we can act with godly influence, while keeping our hearts open to the wonder of God’s glory revealed in and through us.

Supernatural intervention.

We know that some situations will not change without supernatural intervention, but our commitment to work with God and our mate causes us to recognize and refocus our attention. We can inquire with the Holy Spirit, asking where He wants to redirect our gaze and reset our vision. Here, the Holy Spirit transforms us, manifesting change from within and allowing that to flow into our marriages.

When we choose to speak words of life, we make use of the living word of God. We demonstrate confidence in Scripture and in who Christ has made us to be, as His ambassadors and ministers of reconciliation.

Seek the Spirit of God.

Asking for His wisdom and insight welcomes the Holy Spirit to move powerfully in restoring our homes and marriages. We’re responsible for following Him. He takes responsibility for bringing to fruition what He wants to do and how He wants to do it. What we do know is that He changes the atmosphere and our attitudes with life-giving Truth and words that come out of our mouths.

Shift the atmosphere.

Practical preparation is the evidence of our faith. Believing God for our reunion means that we make our lives ready to receive the anticipated restoration. God is doing the same in our hearts. We learn to partner with Him, clearing out the clutter that would push Him and our mate out. A marriage and family reunion may require edits we hadn’t expected.

As we prepare our homes and our habits, the Holy Spirit may nudge us to shift certain behaviors and adapt our environment to create a welcoming space in our hearts where our new, yet existing marriage can thrive. It might look like nonsense to those who have witnessed the evolving narrative of our marriage, separation, and now the beginning of restoration. We have nothing to prove or validate to anyone.

Believing God for the impossible may draw us out of what used to seem ordinary and normal. When we restructure our lives, schedules, and activities to accommodate what we expect from God, we behave as if the Word of God is not only certain but is true for us.

Speak life.

Though our positive words and affirmation will encourage and affirm our mates, speaking life shifts our mindset. When we commit to honoring the Lord’s Word more than rehearsing the temporary difficulty of our situation, we release faith to work on our behalf.

While we do not always see changes immediately, speaking in alignment with God’s Heart changes ours. We can reflect Him more readily. Our hope persists, and we build our thoughts, words, and actions around our expectancy.

Fostering the habit of speaking life emboldens our faith, patterning us after our Father, not just in identity, but also in action. Even when we would be tempted to complain or rush through the process, we can cultivate a delightful discipline that continually resets our confidence in the Lord, despite the obvious challenges along the way.

The process of rebuilding after separation is not easy, but we can learn to glorify God and edify our spouse by selecting the words and the focus that positively shifts our world.

Surrender the outcome.

It does not mean that we deny reality when we choose to believe in difficult situations. Transferring faith from our limited knowledge to His Omniscience deepens our hope in Jesus. We follow the process and surrender the outcome.

Christ is our confidence, who fills our contentment, but that is not limited to resuming life as the couple we once were. The reunion may not look like the honeymoon at first, but our willingness to begin again with the One who makes all things new resets our hearts in hope.

It may be awkward as we sort out how to navigate the practical elements of household responsibilities in addition to building a friendship, learning to date one another again, and navigating the dynamics of emotional and physical intimacy. The road ahead may seem long, considering what we have already endured.

We can take comfort and courage that the Holy Spirit is at work in the details and the grander landscape. He is bringing the unseen realm of our faith into the visible and tangible environment. Asserting our faith through ongoing prayer and affirmation underscores our belief that He is working for our good, even in the messy middle (Romans 8:28).

Surround with support.

We may experience a surge of emotion in anticipation of reuniting with our spouse. While there may be some excitement, there may also be some fear of the unknown and even concerns about sabotaging the process.

Although the nature of our marital challenges may be personal, we need to surround ourselves with a community of people who will not judge or betray our confidence. We don’t have to unveil everything unfolding in our marital restoration, but God will connect us with trustworthy confidants.

Having a fellowship circle can support us through prayer, encouragement, and recreation. The wisdom and joy of friendship ease the weariness and angst that tends to settle in when we’ve been in an extended fight for family and a test of faith.

Next steps for rebuilding after marital separation.

Christian couples counseling allows separated couples to work through the transition of reuniting and rebuilding after marital separation. It provides space to enhance your connections in all the places that matter: with the Lord, yourselves, and each other.

In committing to the next steps that God invites you to take in your relationship with Him and your spouse, help is available. Schedule an appointment to meet with me or another Christian counselor in our online directory. We will help you gather the tools and techniques needed to navigate this time of transition where you and your spouse seek to come home, restoring God’s vision of marriage in your life.

Photos:
“Overwhelmed”, Courtesy of Nik Shuliahin, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Prayer”, Courtesy of Ben White, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Dependence”, Courtesy of Milan Popovic, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Love”, Courtesy of Mahkeo, Unsplash.com; CC0 License

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Jessica Burgans
Schedule with Jessica
  • Appointment Info

  • Your Info

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Jessica Burgans

Licensed Mental Health Counselor Associate
(206) 558-2188 jessicab@seattlechristiancounseling.com

I believe Jesus is the ultimate healer, and that He has given us resources to use for our mental health and wellbeing. Mental health growth takes time, and we must have grace for ourselves. Having done my own work in counseling in the past, I offer empathy, trustworthiness, and knowledge through professional training and personal experience to help you overcome the challenges you face. I offer counseling for children, teens, adult individuals, couples, and families dealing with a variety of concerns including trauma and PTSD, relationship issues, depression, anxiety, and more. Read more articles by Jessica »

Other articles that might interest you...

Coping with the Process of Marriage Separation 2
Tacoma Christian Counseling

Coping with the Process of Marriage ...

Are you considering a separation for your marriage problems? When used with intention, a marriage separation can work to revolutionize...

continue reading »
Auto Draft 250
Photo of Shayla Haller

Shayla Haller

Tips for Reducing Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is recurrent stress that can make even anticipating the separation fraught with emotions. It can create unhealthy habits...

continue reading »
Rebuilding Romance in Your Marriage: Advice from a Christian Counselor 2
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

Rebuilding Romance in Your Marriage: ...

I realize that romance goes both ways. It’s not just about the man needing to provide an adequate level of...

continue reading »

About Jessica

Photo of Jessica Burgans

Jessica Burgans, MA, LMHCA

Licensed Mental Health Counselor Associate

I believe Jesus is the ultimate healer, and that He has given us resources to use for our mental health and wellbeing. Mental health growth takes time, and we must have grace for ourselves. Having done my own work in counseling in the past, I offer empathy, trustworthiness, and knowledge through professional training and personal experience to help you overcome the challenges you face. I offer counseling for children, teens, adult individuals, couples, and families dealing with a variety of concerns including trauma and PTSD, relationship issues, depression, anxiety, and more. View Jessica's Profile

Recent articles by Jessica

  • May 5 · Getting the Right Help: Issues That Could Benefit from Family Counseling
  • Feb 20 · Understanding Why Rejection Hits Harder in Children with ADHD
  • Jan 24 · When You Despise What God Has Made: What are We to Do with Body Insecurity?
See all articles by Jessica »

Related Services

  • Couples Counseling
  • Marriage Counseling
  • Relationship Issues

Jessica's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Federal Way office

    Federal Way

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (206) 452-6728
    33710 9th Ave S,, Suite 15 Federal Way, WA 98003

    View Office Details
  • Photo of the Kent office

    Kent

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (253) 656-5454
    24909 104th Ave SE,, Suite 101-A Kent, WA 98030

    View Office Details
Tacoma Christian Counseling Logo
Tacoma Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2025 Tacoma Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
621 Pacific Ave,, Tacoma, WA 98402. Tel (253) 777-1997.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
We are open for business. In person and online counseling are available now.