Cultivating Female Friendships That Feel Like Family

Some people have been blessed with beautiful, life-giving, and nurturing families. It’s wonderful to see healthy, generous, and gracious families thriving in their love for each other. If that’s you, feel blessed.

There’s something special about hearing your grandmother tell you stories about her childhood. There’s beauty in mom teaching you how to make her famous lemon bread. It’s amazing if you have a sister who can jokingly sock you in the stomach and tease you, but still be your biggest advocate.

These relationships are special and should be protected and appreciated. There is a unique nurturing wisdom found in these female bonds that specifically shapes a woman’s heart and mirrors God’s comforting nature.

But if you don’t have these special female connections, know that you’re not doomed to a life void of meaningful family relationships. While you can’t choose the family you are born into and usually not who you grow up with, you certainly can choose who you live your life with now. Just because you didn’t grow up with these special relationships naturally in place, it doesn’t mean that it’s too late to forge them.

Relationships with Grandmas

Many people grow up without grandparents. Maybe you are one of them. You watched with envy as your friends talked about baking cookies with their grandma or felt a twinge of sadness when someone mentioned the special bond they had with their grandma. You simply could not relate. The truth is, not everyone had a special grandma in their life when they grew up. Some simply didn’t know them or had a grandmother who wasn’t stereotypically kind and nurturing.

But even if you didn’t grow up watching Grandma cook your favorite meal or sit at her knee as she taught you how to knit, it doesn’t mean you can’t find that type of special relationship with a grandma figure now.

Grandmas, or mature Christian women, can add a lot of substance and love to your life. While most people seek friendships with those in their own age group, there is something special about forging relationships with more mature people.

Older Christian women have been through what you’re probably going through right now. Some have struggled with infertility or infidelity. Some have tried to balance work life with keeping their homes in tip-top shape. While times have changed, their wisdom and experience remain timeless and deserve to be shared with a younger generation.

Motherly Connections

A biological mother is often the first person you will ever meet. Many are kind, generous, and loving examples of the Heavenly Father’s love. But some are not. If you have a problematic relationship with your mother, or a relationship that is nonexistent, you might feel like you’re missing out on an important part of your life.

God knows this. If you long for a mother’s love after the death of your own, He knows. If you desire guidance and direction for a mother figure, God knows. God developed the idea of family. He created you for this and other relationships, and He wants to help you find the ones that serve you best.

If you’re looking for a motherly figure in your life, seek God for direction. Attend a multigenerational church body. Get involved in activities where mothers or women who are a generation older than you might gather. Volunteer to help with childcare at church or attend a woman’s Bible study.

There’s likely a large population of women who want to mentor, love, and mother you at your local church. A “virtuous woman” as described in Proverbs 31 is someone who cares for her household, provides for her family, and shows wisdom and kindness. These traits of compassion and nurturing don’t have to be contained to a woman’s biological or legal family. A virtuous woman is likely to extend these mothering tendencies to those outside her immediate family.

Sister Bonds

The sibling relationship is important. Children who grow up in the same household usually have a strong bond, not just because of genetics but also because of shared experiences. But if you’re an only child, you might look at sisterly relationships with a twinge of jealousy and a whole lot of awe. Or maybe you have siblings but aren’t close to them. The idea of having a loving sister seems unattainable.

The good news is that if you’re part of the Body of Christ, you already have many sisters and brothers. The family of God is full of people who are ready to love you, walk through life with you, and help you through the messy parts of your human experience. Are they perfect? Nope. Not a single one. But that doesn’t mean that God can’t use them to bring healing and companionship into your life.

Filling In the Gaps

Even with grandmas, moms, and sisters in your life, or women who take on these roles spiritually or through friendship, you might still feel that certain needs continue to go unmet. This is because people, even those who are special and positive, can only fulfill you so much.

Some of those holes in your life, those holes you want filled with relationships, can only be fulfilled by the love of God. If you seek the comfort of a grandmother, the unconditional love of a mother, or the loyalty of a sister, know that even if there were real people who wore these labels, they might not fill the void in your life.

People are fallible. Even seemingly perfect family members fall short. But God never falls short. He’s the author of unconditional love. He sends His Holy Spirit to be the Comforter. He is loyal, even dying on a cross because of His loyalty to you.

While people might enhance your life, only God can fill it rightly and wholly. Only His love can reach the innermost parts of your heart and surround you with His love. If you’re lacking an earthly family, take comfort in knowing that your Heavenly Father is more than enough to fill all your spiritual, emotional, and practical needs.

Therapy

If you’ve been hurt by family or feel raw because of a lack of it, therapy can help. Your Christian therapist can help you identify what is unfulfilled in your life and find biblical ways to fulfill it. Your therapist can give you motherly advice, the guidance of a grandma, and the raw truth of a sister. And more importantly, they can help to guide you back to the loving arms of your Heavenly Father, who loves you more than any earthly parent ever could.

Your therapist can help you dig through your past, pinpointing the areas that might have caused pain or anguish. The places where family strife may have left you feeling all alone. They can help you reconcile your feelings about family relationships and guide you toward finding a healthy community.

Forever Family

Just because you aren’t biologically or legally bound to someone doesn’t mean that they can’t be considered your family. Family is more than the same last name or living in the same house. Family can be shaped and formed with deliberate action and through the grace of God.

While you might feel like you’re lacking in family right now, know that there is a loving Heavenly Father inviting you into communion with Him. He can guide and lead you to a community of believers, the family of God, who can stand in as your earthly family. While you might not have been blessed with the perfect family tree, your chosen family can step in to meet your familial needs.

Learn how to find the family you long for and embrace the love of God with a Christian counselor. Call or email the office to learn more.