Separation Anxiety in Children Vs. Separation Anxiety Disorder

Separation anxiety is a normal phase of child development that most babies and toddlers go through where they are clingy and afraid of unfamiliar people or places and may feel anxious and distressed if they need to separate from their mom or primary caregiver. For instance, if someone else wants to hold them, or they get dropped off at daycare. Typically, it goes away as they get older.

Are separation anxiety in children separation anxiety disorder the same?

No. Separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder are not the same thing. Whereas separation anxiety is a normal part of growing up and most children between the ages of six months and three years old exhibit some degree of distress and clingy behavior when they have to separate from their parent or caregiver, the symptoms of separation anxiety disorder are much more severe.

Unlike normal, age-appropriate separation anxiety, separation anxiety disorder is a mental health condition characterized by excessive, persistent anxiety and fear of separation that is out of proportion to reality and that does not go away, despite a parent’s best efforts. The child’s distress is so intense that it keeps him or her from enjoying normal activities and can disrupt his or her day-to-day life, as well as the life of his or her family.

What does separation anxiety disorder look like?

Separation anxiety disorder involves excessive dread of separation that is an exaggerated version of the normal developmentally appropriate separation anxiety in young children that gradually goes away on its own as the child starts to understand that the separation is only temporary, and their mom or caregiver will return.

Common symptoms of separation anxiety disorder include:

• Becoming hysterical when separated from their mom or primary caregiver.
• Refusing to go to sleep alone without their mom close by.
• Becoming so agitated at the thought of being away from mom or caregiver that they complain of stomachaches, headaches, or feeling sick to try and avoid going to school or other places.
• Being excessively clingy even when at home.
• Being afraid to be in a room alone.
• Loud, tearful crying, screaming, having a panic attack, or temper tantrum when dropped off at daycare or some other place away from home.
• Excessive worry about something bad happening to their mom or caregiver while they are separated.
• Repeated bad dreams or nightmares about being separated from their loved one.
• A fear of getting lost or kidnapped.

What causes separation anxiety disorder in children?

While there is no conclusive cause of separation anxiety disorder in children, contributing factors can include:

Biology and genetics

An imbalance of serotonin and dopamine, two of the brain’s neurotransmitting chemicals, can cause feelings of anxiety that make the child susceptible to separation anxiety disorder. A predisposition to anxiety can also be inherited from a blood relative with an anxiety disorder and may increase the risk for SAD.

Stressful changes

Separation anxiety disorder in children can be triggered by stressful changes such as moving to a new home or switching schools or daycares.

An overprotective parent

Parents and children tend to influence one another’s anxieties. If you are anxious and overprotective, your child’s separation anxiety may be the result of your own behavior modeling.

Insecure attachment bond

Attachment bonds refer to the emotional connection formed between an infant and their mother or primary caregiver. In some cases, separation anxiety disorder can be the result of an insecure attachment bond.

A traumatic event

Separation anxiety disorder in children can be triggered by a traumatic event such as an illness, a stay in the hospital, parents’ separation or divorce, or the death of a loved one or pet.

How is separation anxiety disorder diagnosed?

In order for a child to be diagnosed with separation anxiety, they must have exhibited symptoms continuously for at least four weeks to six months, symptoms must cause severe distress that impairs the child’s ability to function, and some other mental health disorder must not better explain those symptoms.

How can I help my child with separation anxiety?

There are steps you can take that have been proven to help children experiencing normal separation anxiety.

Practice short separations

Practicing short separations such as a visit to grandma’s house or a short play date with a friend before having longer ones can help your child slowly get used to what it’s like to be apart from you and learn that your separation is only temporary, and you will come back.

Talk about things you will do together later

Telling your child you will be back to pick him or her up later and then you will do something together such as get an ice cream or play in the playground, can help ease their fear that they may not see you again.

Validate your child’s feelings

Encourage your child to talk to you about their feelings and listen to what they say to you with compassion and empathy. Validate what they tell you without trivializing their concerns, but also gently remind him or her that they were able to handle the last separation and will be able to do so again.

Say goodbye quickly and positively

Don’t prolong leaving when you drop your child off. Say goodbye quickly with a hug and a smile, and reassurance that he or she will be just fine and that you will be back to get them soon. Don’t linger or make it a big deal, and don’t go back into the room once you leave due to your child’s pleas.

Follow through on promises

If you tell your child you will be back at a certain time, for instance after nap time or snack time, or after one sleep, it is important that you do so. Sticking to your promises consistently can help increase your child’s trust and confidence that they can handle the separation because he or she knows that you will return just as you said you would.

Offer your child choices

Giving your child some control over the situation by offering him or her a choice may help them feel safer and more comfortable. For instance, ask them which toy or comfort object he or she wants to take to daycare.

Set limits and provide a consistent daily routine

Having a consistent daily routine helps eliminate fear of the unknown, and helps your child develop a sense of security. Similarly, setting and enforcing limits also provides consistency and helps your child know what to expect.

Introduce new babysitters gradually

Before leaving your child with a new babysitter, arrange for the three of you to get together a couple of times so the caregiver will not be a stranger.

How is separation anxiety disorder in children treated?

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a first-line form of therapy that focuses on reshaping the child’s thinking so their behavior becomes more appropriate, and they can handle separation from their mother or caregiver without feeling distressed.

For instance, replacing dysfunctional, fearful thoughts with short, positive, more realistic, and easier-to-remember ones such as “I will be okay. I did it before and I can do it again. Mom always comes back”

Exposure therapy

Exposure therapy is a specialized form of cognitive behavioral therapy that aims at helping the child to feel less anxious over time by gradually and carefully exposing him or her to separation in small incremental amounts.

If you have questions about this article on separation anxiety in children or need more help than the article could provide and would like to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location, please give us a call today.