Signs of an Aggressive Communication Style and Its Impact on Relationships

Have you ever been in a conversation and felt like you were just talking past each other? Have you felt you are not in the same conversation? That is because we are unique, and we do not always see things the same way. This is a good thing. This is a reminder that God made us all in His image, and we each have our unique personality and outlook that affects everything we do, including how we communicate.

Sometimes it may seem like you are in an argument because the dialogue is combative in nature. Yet later, you may realize that you both were arguing the same idea and were actually in agreement, but the way you discussed it made it seem like you were in opposition.

The way you talk about things, the emphases you place, the tone of voice you employ, the posture of your body – all of these – shape your message and how you communicate it. Ultimately, these speak for you, whether you know it or not.

Your communication style, in turn, impacts how people respond to you. Your communication style can make you seem combative when you are not, or it can make you mask what you really mean. This can be frustrating when expectations are not met in a conversation. Being aware of different communication styles, including your own, can help you immensely in your relationships.

What are the different communication styles?

Every person has certain tendencies that mark their behavior. Those may be learned behaviors from parents and caregivers, or they may be acquired from peers or others one interacts with in life. We settle into what we think works for us, and that includes our communication styles. The different communication styles include aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, assertive, and manipulative.

A person’s communication style is comprised of their word choices, the tone of voice they employ, and the actions they choose to accompany their words. A person can be highly conscious of their communication style, including the fact that they are expressive with their hands, or that they are quite animated with their facial expressions.

To a certain extent, we choose our communication style, but in some ways, it is so deeply ingrained in us that we can struggle to change. However, it is possible. Being aware of your style and others and doing your work on communication can help you in your interactions with others.

Aggressive communication style

A person with an aggressive communication style will often dominate conversations. They will likely speak louder than other people. They frequently express their thoughts and feelings openly, maintain intense eye contact, and enter the personal space of others. Whether intentional or not, aggressive communicators tend to dominate conversations, often at the expense of others.

Aggressive communicators will often command respect, but they can just as easily come off as overbearing or as belittling the people they interact with. An aggressive communication style can undermine relationships by making it difficult for others to engage with them, especially if the people around them respond better to a more sedate approach.

A few of the signs of an aggressive communicator include using “large” gestures like waving hands, stepping into other’s personal space, interrupting people while they are speaking, and maintaining intense eye contact during conversations.

How an aggressive communication style affects relationships

If two people with different communication styles interact, and if they are not aware of style differences, it can create room for unnecessary conflict. Knowing your communication style helps you to avoid being easily misunderstood, and this helps you to deliver your intentions more clearly and effectively.

Being aware of how your words land on others is extremely important. Your particular communication style will elicit certain feelings from the people on the receiving end of your words. Your style may result in making someone feel empowered, cared for, frustrated, trusted, guilty, ashamed, or something else entirely.

If you want your relationships to flourish and create a positive environment, it is important to embrace a communication style that encourages others and avoids unnecessarily negative reactions.

An aggressive communicator will often leave little room for disagreement with their assessment of a situation. For example, they may say “Just do things my way,” or perhaps “I am right about this, so just do what you are told.”

The language an aggressive communicator uses will often be abrasive, forceful, or antagonistic. In many situations, such as during a disagreement, they may talk over others or get quite defensive. Additionally, the aggressive style will often result in not taking input from others, resulting in getting their way without buy-in from the people around them.

As one can imagine, such a communication style can be off-putting, whether in a work situation or a relationship with a loved one. The people around the aggressive communicator may feel insulted, belittled, or as though they are being talked down to.

That can easily become a breeding ground for resentment and anger, which severely undermines relationships. An aggressive person may consider themselves a “straight shooter,” but they can hurt people without even knowing it. Instead of coming off as confident, the aggressive communicator can seem overbearing and obnoxious.

Changing your communication style for more effective communication

A person’s communication style is not permanent. It is possible to modify your communication style so that you take the edge off it. Additionally, being aware of what yours and others’ styles are, can be incredibly useful in helping you calibrate the way you speak. This helps you communicate effectively and in a way that does not belittle or come off as unloving or dishonoring.

Additionally, if you know that the person you are interacting with has an aggressive communication style, then that awareness can allow you to take precautions. For instance, if you are working with an aggressive communicator, you can consider the following:

Stay professional

If you are in the workplace, it is important to keep your conversations professional. This can be done by, for example, directing the conversation away from personal issues or emotions so that you stay on task.

Remain calm and assertive

An aggressive communicator can be intimidating. You may feel tempted to silence your own opinions or feel afraid to stand your ground. It is important to not be intimidated, and to focus your attention and the conversation on an actionable approach to your discussion and the issue at hand.

Walk away

It is important to know that the other tool in your toolkit is your ability to walk away. If the situation with the aggressive communicator becomes too demanding or you are no longer making progress in the conversation, be willing to walk away entirely, or try again later.

If you have an aggressive communication style, this may result in you struggling to form strong relationships with others. An awareness of your communication style and its effect on others can help immensely in overcoming its pitfalls.

Some of the ways to mitigate your communication style and the unintentional consequences of it include:

Reducing stress in your life

Engaging in physical activity and practicing mindfulness or meditation is a healthy approach to combat stressors.

Tweak your style

Learning more positive communication techniques may help you overcome some of your aggressive tendencies. This can include having conversations and not lectures, which means you need to give room for others to speak and you need to engage their thoughts and feelings.

Be open to feedback

By allowing yourself to hear and adopt constructive feedback from the people in your life, you can improve your communication style by being more aware of things such as your tone or word choices.

Getting help to improve communication

Communication is such an important part of your life, and it can make or break relationships. Speaking with a trained professional counselor affords a neutral environment to learn more about your own communication style, how it can affect other people, and how you can grow to improve it. Reach out to our offices today. We will connect you with a Christian counselor to begin improving your ability to communicate and engage with others.