Tacoma Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and Loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Pornography Addiction
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Sexual Addiction
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Couples Counseling
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Counseling for Children
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Sexual Addiction
    • Marriage Counseling
  • LocationsWe have offices at various locations
    • AnacortesAnacortes
    •  1Bellevue
    •  1Bothell
    • Edmonds
    •  1Everett
    • How Fathers Can Prepare Their Children to Fight Pornography's Lure: What Lies AheadFederal Way
    •  1Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    •  1Mill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    •  1Puyallup
    •  1Redmond
    •  1Seattle Ballard
    • Seattle Downtown
    •  1Seattle Greenlake
    •  1Silverdale
    • Tacoma
    •  1Spokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    •  1Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind out more about our counselors
  • CareersJoin our team of Christian Counselors
  • (253) 777-1997Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

Walking Through the Grieving Process With Someone Who Cares

Tacoma Christian Counseling
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/walking-through-the-grieving-process-with-someone-who-cares-3-scaled.jpg 2560 1707
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Mount-Rainier.jpg
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Tacoma-Christian-Counseling-Logo-Fill-Stacked.jpg
621 Pacific Ave, Suite 302
TACOMA, WA 98402
United States
621 Pacific Ave, Suite 302
TACOMA, WA 98402
United States
Photo of Carrie Umporowicz

Carrie Umporowicz

Feb
2020
24

Walking Through the Grieving Process With Someone Who Cares

Carrie Umporowicz

Grief and Loss CounselingIndividual Counseling

I forgot the anniversary of my mother’s death last month. I remembered two days after. It’s been seven years since she passed, and I have never missed acknowledging the day she died. I used to remember it in months much like when you have a baby and measure their age by months until they are about two years old.

Walking Through the Grieving Process With Someone Who Cares 1I texted my sisters and they had done the same. At first, I felt guilty and then I realized this is part of the grieving process and that this showed I am moving on in the mourning process of my mother’s passing. With great emotion, I told my husband what happened out of shock and some relief, and he agreed this is part of the process and that this showed that I was moving through the grief in a positive way.

Grief is something that comes into everyone’s life. If not through death it could be the end of a marriage, the end of a relationship, the end of a job or any major change or transition in a person’s life. Grief can happen due to stillbirth or miscarriage as well.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

It is important to journey through the grieving process no matter what the loss. We all must grieve and if you think you don’t, grief tends to follow you until you do. Grieving is different for each person, each event and each situation. No two people grieve the same.

It’s important to understand that grief is not a single emotion; it’s an experience or state of being that affects you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It is unique to each person and experience and can vary considerably from one person to another, even following similar loss situations, such as the death of a parent, spouse/partner, child, pet, etc.

I remember when my father passed away three years after my mother. I was incredibly saddened by his death, but I found his passing to be easier. Was it because it was my second big loss? Was I better at this? Did I love him less? I don’t even think I can answer that question, but it proved to me that each loss has its own journey.

I miss him just as much as my mother, but the pain of his passing was not as great. I also think part of it is because my mother resisted death and my father embraced it. It was easier to let him go when I knew he was ready.

Walking Through the Grieving Process With Someone Who Cares 2I think it’s important to let grief have its way with you. Let the emotions happen. They need to be expressed and often not at the most convenient moments. Sometimes little things will trigger a memory and you will be overcome with emotion. That’s okay! Let it out. Cry it out.

It’s like when you are in the ocean and reading the waves. I have always told my children that they need to get past the breaking point to ride the wave but if it’s about to break in front of them the best thing to do is dive into it or it will grab you and body slam you to the bottom of the ocean.

The grieving process can be the same way. You can be out there riding the waves and then out of nowhere you are being body-slammed with memories and sadness that completely engulf you. Again, let it happen. It’s the only way you can get through it. It’s important to remember that you must go through the difficult center of grief to journey to the other side in the healthiest manner possible.

You can’t go around it or not go through it at all. It will get worse before it will get better but if you grieve thoroughly and well, you will get better. The pain will be less sharp. You will learn to live in a new way without your loved one.

Often friends and loved ones don’t know how to approach someone who is grieving. They say trite comments or expect you to get over it quickly or possibly just avoid you altogether because they don’t know how to react. I think just saying you care and are available to listen is the best approach to someone who has lost someone. Choosing to not approach them or giving them space can add to the isolation grief can bring.

I remember when I was younger, I was intimidated by people who had lost a loved one and I never knew what to say. I have learned over the years that just letting someone know you care and are there is enough.

Remind them that God is there for them as it says in Revelations 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the order has passed away.” Or in Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” You could be the one who reminds them that God is still present in their grief.

What is Complicated Grief?

Walking Through the Grieving Process With Someone Who Cares 3Usually, the grieving process includes stages of sorrow, numbness, and even guilt and anger. Over time, these feelings ease, and it’s possible to accept the loss and move forward. For some people, feelings of loss are debilitating and don’t improve even after time passes.

This is known as complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long-lasting and severe that you have trouble recovering from the loss and resuming your own life.

Different people follow different paths through the grieving process. The order and timing of these phases may vary from person to person.

  • Accepting the reality of your loss
  • Allowing yourself to experience the pain of your loss
  • Adjusting to a new reality in which the deceased is no longer present
  • Having other relationships

These differences are normal. But if you’re unable to move through these stages by more than a year after the death of a loved one, you may have complicated grief. Complicated grief is characterized by:

  • Anger, irritability or rage
  • An inability to focus on anything but the death of a loved one
  • Focusing intensely on reminders of the deceased or complete avoidance of them
  • Intense feelings of sadness, pain, detachment, sorrow, helplines or emptiness
  • Problems accepting the reality of the death
  • Self-destructive behavior like alcohol or drug abuse

Hope and Help for the Grieving Process

If you think you have complicated grief, seek treatment. It can help you come to terms with your loss and reclaim a sense of acceptance and peace. Even if it’s not complicated grief, sometimes it’s helpful to go to a therapist to process through the grief and have a professional to walk you through it.

Walking Through the Grieving Process With Someone Who CaresEveryone’s grief response is unique and there is no specific amount of time that defines when normal grief becomes complicated grief. Some say a threshold of around six months after the death occurred, but it is perfectly normal for grievers to find the first year following a significant loss to be difficult as they experience holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other significant annual dates/events for the first time without their loved ones. For me personally, the first year without my mother was full of incredible grief. It was not until after that full year that the acute pain I felt became less sharp.

Another great resource is Grief Share. This is a national, biblically-based support group that is usually held in churches. I joined a group after my mom died and I found it extremely helpful in the grieving journey.

Even being around people who had lost a loved one, who truly understood where you were coming from, was incredibly helpful and comforting. Grief typically causes feelings of isolation but discussing your situation with others mourning a death might help you gain a different perspective on your specific response.

Whether you seek out a therapist, a support group, or both, please remember it is a very difficult journey to process the death of a loved one and it is always okay to seek out help along the way.

Photos:
“Waves”, Courtesy of Dylan Sauerwein, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Rock Formation on the Beach”, Courtesy of Kristaps Ungurs, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sunlight Through Trees”, Courtesy of Dan Magatti, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sunset” Courtesy of Dave, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Carrie Umporowicz
Carrie is currently not accepting new clients

Carrie Umporowicz

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(253) 269-4320 carrieu@tacomachristiancounseling.com

I would count it an honor and privilege to journey with you through the trials of life. As you seek to navigate through the issues that bring you to counseling, I will partner with you to find healing and hope. Life can bring many challenges, but I believe God wants to deliver us and bring us victory as we learn to lean on Him. He is constantly at work in our lives and desires for us to thrive! Through counseling and with His help, you can experience the joy and peace you desire. Read more articles by Carrie »

Other articles that might interest you...

Grief Therapy: 5 Practices to Help the Grieving Process
Photo of Benita Weems

Benita Weems

Grief Therapy: 5 Practices to Help the ...

“He was such a good person.” “Everyone loved him.” “She was so young.” “She was a mother of two young...

continue reading »
15 Quotes and Verses to Help With Grief
Tacoma Christian Counseling

15 Quotes and Verses to Help With Grief

Chosen by a Counselor Specializing in Grief and Trauma Here are some quotes and verses I have compiled about grief. I...

continue reading »
Learning How to Handle Grief: Give Yourself Time
Tacoma Christian Counseling

Learning How to Handle Grief: Give ...

Losing a loved one is never an easy experience. Our society does a poor job of caring for others after...

continue reading »

About Carrie

Photo of Carrie Umporowicz

Carrie Umporowicz, MA, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I would count it an honor and privilege to journey with you through the trials of life. As you seek to navigate through the issues that bring you to counseling, I will partner with you to find healing and hope. Life can bring many challenges, but I believe God wants to deliver us and bring us victory as we learn to lean on Him. He is constantly at work in our lives and desires for us to thrive! Through counseling and with His help, you can experience the joy and peace you desire. View Carrie's Profile

Recent articles by Carrie

  • Mar 18 · 4 Signs of Depression in Children and How to Help Them Cope
  • Mar 2 · The Effects of Abandonment Issues in Relationships
  • Feb 27 · How Do You Define Codependent? (and Other Questions About Codependency)
See all articles by Carrie »

Related Services

  • Grief and Loss Counseling
  • Individual Counseling

Carrie's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Tacoma office

    Tacoma

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (253) 777-1997
    621 Pacific Ave,, Suite 302 Tacoma, WA 98402

    View Office Details
  • Photo of the Puyallup office

    Puyallup

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (253) 200-5787
    1420 S Meridian, Suite C Puyallup, WA 98371

    View Office Details
Tacoma Christian Counseling Logo
Tacoma Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2023 Tacoma Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
621 Pacific Ave,, Tacoma, WA 98402. Tel (253) 777-1997.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.