What Are the Signs of Codependent Behavior?

Focusing your energy to give support to other people without considering yourself and your own needs is a typical outcome of codependent behavior. This indicator of taking your own needs off the table and prioritizing someone else is typical of codependent behavior.

Controlling behavior, sacrificing your needs and opportunities, and being strongly motivated by an overriding fear of rejection are also all signs of codependent behavior, and these all lead to consistently placing the needs of another person or a group of people above your own needs.

However, if you come to an understanding of what codependent behavior is and can recognize the indicators of this behavior and thought pattern, you have made an important first step toward building healthy boundaries, revealing self-respect, and honoring your own needs.

Understanding codependent behavior

When you align your mood and emotional state with the behavior of another person, , you are exhibiting codependent behavior. Experts suggest that it entails a sense of forgetfulness of where you end and your partner begins.

Codependency is defined as a maladaptive relationship pattern in which one individual is emotionally, psychologically, or physically dependent upon or controlled by another individual’s neurotic behaviors or addictions.

The cycle of codependent behavior typically entails when one individual provides the irrational support of another individual’s burdensome needs, often at the expense of the individual who is providing the support. As time progresses, it becomes increasingly difficult to uproot the unhelpful elements of the codependent relationship.

In time, codependent behavior often leads to the following:

• A negative sense of self-worth and overall well-being.
• An increase of unhealthy dynamics in the relationship.
• The individual experiencing a sense of feeling disconnected from expressing their own wants and needs.

During the 1940s time period, the terms codependent and codependent behavior had first begun to be used to describe the behavior patterns that researchers had started seeing in their studies of partners and family members of individuals diagnosed with an alcohol use disorder.

The researchers had discovered the following patterns of how the individual diagnosed with Alcohol Substance Use Disorder, was enabled in their alcohol use by their loved ones. Some of the signs the researchers had noticed were:

• The tendency to protect the individual from the natural consequences of their actions, especially if the results were not good.
• Making excuses for the individual with the addiction.
• Hiding the fact of the individual’s use of alcohol.

After many more findings and studies, experts had agreed that codependent behavior can appear in many different situations, not only those involving substance use disorders, but had also included other addictions.

In regards to the previous idea of “forgetting where you end and the other person begins,” codependent behavior is also understood to be an enmeshed relationship consisting of one individual losing or abandoning their sense of independence in order to tend to, or “take care of” someone else.

Patterns of codependent behavior typically reflects the Four Central Focus Areas of:

1. Self-sacrifice.
2. The inclination to focus on other people.
3. The desire (and sometimes need) for control, which may increase conflict in the relationship.
4. Finding it hard to recognize and express emotions.

These elements can be observed in many different types of relationships, and particularly in the way that we view ourselves.

Key signs of codependent behavior indicators

While codependent behavior is not considered to be a diagnosed mental health condition, subject matter experts are still researching specific criteria for it. However, there is more general agreement on what are considered to be common indicators for codependent behavior.

The common indicators of codependent behavior are:

• A fundamental requirement for the approval of, and from others.
• Exhibiting behaviors, or completing tasks that you do not want to, just to please the other individual.
• An inclination to apologize when it was not your wrongdoing, or take responsibility for a negative outcome to maintain an atmosphere of peace in the relationship.
• An inclination to make decisions or take responsibility or accountability for other individuals in an attempt to manage them.
• An inclination to reduce your desires to the point where they are unimportant and small enough to ignore.
• An overwhelming concern of the habits of a loved one and how they behave.
• Consistently behaving in a manner that seeks to avoid conflict.
• Being terrified of being rejected or abandoned.
• Feeling guilt or anxiety when engaging in self-care activities.
• Habitually taking on more than you can realistically handle, to earn the praise of a loved one, or to lighten their burden in a way you think will assist them.
• Putting a person on a pedestal and idealizing them to an unhealthy degree; often these relationships leave the caretaker unfulfilled.
• Taking on a mood that reflects how others feel instead of displaying one’s own emotions.
• Using the measure of others’ opinions of you in order to understand your own self-worth.

When codependent behavior is present in a relationship there is a need to support others far beyond what is considered healthy and balanced.

Is codependent behavior unhealthy?

This is not to say that any level of dependent behavior is unhealthy; rather some level of dependency is indeed healthy and appropriate. It is difficult to journey through life on your own, and almost everyone thrives with companionship and social support.

However, Interdependent Relationships are different from Codependent Relationships. In Interdependent Relationships, both partners depend on each other.

The partners support one another when required, rather than focusing just on their partner’s needs and ignoring the other partner’s needs altogether.

Healthy relationships are often defined as ones where the partners communicate with, respect, and listen to the expressed needs of one another, work hard to understand each other, and keep in mind and value each other’s concerns.

Codependent behavior is when this caring and considerate behavior crosses the line, and instead of caring for and meeting the needs of both individuals, the cares and needs are only met for the individual with unhealthy addictions and behaviors.

Healthy relationships involve being able to depend on one another while still maintaining an individual sense of self-identity, individuality, and independent measures of one’s own self-worth.

A healthy dependence in relationships is visible when individuals can express their own needs, and feel comfortable and safe when doing so and are able to express to others their own limitations without the concerns of being rejected or treated unfavorably.

All of the points discussed reflect that an individual can support others, but not at the expense of their own needs.

When is codependent behavior most obvious?

Romantic relationships are where codependent behavior is most often revealed. Because codependent behavior makes it difficult to make decisions on your own, support and protect yourself emotionally, or set and keep healthy boundaries, someone struggling with codependency often picks or connects with unhealthy partners and friends.

At the beginning of the unhealthy relationship, the unsuspecting partner may have difficulty being able to recognize when they should be protecting themselves. Thus, they will remain in dysfunctional relationships.

Looking for help to better understand codependent behavior?

If you are looking for help to better understand codependent behavior then why not browse our online counselor directory, or contact our office to schedule an appointment? We would be honored to partner with you on this journey.