Tacoma Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism Spectrum Disorder
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and Loss Counseling
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Pornography Addiction
      • Personal Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Sexual Addiction
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Couples Counseling
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Counseling for Children
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Sexual Addiction
    • Marriage Counseling
  • LocationsWe have offices at various locations
    • Bellevue Office FrontBellevue
    • Bothell Office Front EntranceBothell
    • Edmonds Christian CounselingEdmonds
    • Everett Office Front EntranceEverett
    • Federal Way 2Federal Way
    • HansvilleHansville
    •  1Kent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey 2Lacey
    • Mill Creek Office Waiting RoomMill Creek
    •  1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    • Puyallup Christian CounselingPuyallup
    • Redmond OfficeRedmond
    • Seattle Downtown Christian CounselingSeattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake 1Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    • Tacoma Office FrontTacoma
    •  1Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind out more about our counselors
  • CareersJoin our team of Christian Counselors
  • (253) 777-1997Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

What to Do When Life Interferes With Your Personal Development Plan

Tacoma Christian Counseling
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/what-to-do-when-life-interferes-with-your-personal-development-plan-scaled.jpg 2560 2048
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Mount-Rainier.jpg
https://tacomachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Tacoma-Christian-Counseling-Logo-Fill-Stacked.jpg
621 Pacific Ave, Suite 302
TACOMA, WA 98402
United States
621 Pacific Ave, Suite 302
TACOMA, WA 98402
United States
Photo of David Hodel

David Hodel

May
2020
01

What to Do When Life Interferes With Your Personal Development Plan

David Hodel

Individual CounselingPersonal Development

It is a fact of life that things rarely go exactly how we planned. I have heard people in business describe it at the “80/20 rule” – about 20% of the time things go as expected. The rest of the time, we have to manage the surprise or shock, the irritation or anger, the concern or the anxiety, and try to figure out what can be done now that we’ve hit an obstacle and our personal development plan has gone awry.

5 Ways to Cope with Life Interfering with Your Personal Development Plan

Here are five things you can do when life interferes with your personal development plan:

Job 1: Hold It Lightly

Like us if you are enjoying this content.
What to Do When Life Interferes With Your Personal Development Plan 1Our ability to hold a plan lightly will have a direct effect on how much distress we feel when there is a disruption. Holding a plan lightly means keeping in mind the possibility that something small or large may come along and become an obstacle to the plan.

If we are gripping a plan with white-knuckles, desperate for it to work, saying things like “this has to work,” in essence not allowing for the possibility that it may fail, we are setting ourselves up for emotional catastrophe. Another term for it is losing perspective.

Think for a moment about the employee who is passed over for a promotion and quits her job, or the actor who misses out on the role of a lifetime and leaves the business, or worse, anyone who loses relationship or opportunity or livelihood and decides to end it all. These are classic examples of people who were unable to hold onto themselves in the middle of loss because they could not hold the plan lightly.

There’s a parable in the Bible about a man who stored up a bunch of grain and was sitting back feeling pretty good about it, and God shows up and says, “You fool! This very night your life is demanded of you!” Understanding our mortality is the very essence of holding things lightly. Remembering that “this too shall pass.” This can be difficult when the stakes are high, but whatever the obstacle, it will not be made better by our worry.

Job 2: Keep Perspective

Going into panic mode is never helpful. When our anxiety or anger goes up, we lose our capacity to think and bond. We also lose our capacity to formulate an appropriate response.

What to Do When Life Interferes With Your Personal Development Plan 2Imagine for a moment two directors, both working on a movie for the same studio. Due to recent setbacks, the studio head decides he is going to have to defund both movies. Director 1 is terribly disappointed, incredibly frustrated, but manages to get off the phone without swearing at the studio head. His next call is to his production manager to talk about the next steps and to set up the agonizing conversations with cast and crew that will have to take place.

Director 2 loses his mind, screams at the studio head, smashes the phone down on the receiver several times, trashes his office, then goes and sets fire to the studio head’s car. Yes, I am using exaggeration to make a point. Director 1 was able to keep his perspective: this isn’t the end of the world, there will be other films, it’s going to be pretty bad for a while, but things will get better, and most importantly, what’s next?

Job 3: Keep Your Priorities Straight

Some days can feel like we are doing triage. So many things can come along and disrupt the plan; illness, shifts in personnel, our own feelings, or motivations. We may have something important due at work when a loved one calls with some problem with the car, or there is a problem with another family member, and immediately we are pulled away.

This is where having some sort of practice for relieving stress such as deep breathing or mindfulness can help us regain our sense of our priorities.

Relaxation with diaphragmatic deep breathing: When you breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth with slow, steady breaths, you are telling your parasympathetic nervous system it is okay to calm down. If you have never used this kind of breathing to relax, it may seem very counterintuitive at first. Try it for a couple of minutes. Some people feel better, calmer, right away, some must work at it for a while.

Mindfulness: Check your stress or anxiety level. Now locate yourself in the room. Describe objects in it. Pick something up and notice the weight, texture, or color. Remind yourself that the past is the past, it is not happening now, and the future is not here yet, it is not happening now. Engage your breathing as described above. After a few minutes, check your stress level. Did it go down? If so, this may be a useful tool for relieving stress

What to Do When Life Interferes With Your Personal Development Plan 3

When it comes to a choice between work and family, the family must win every time. That does not mean there isn’t room for negotiation, or that we must drop everything in every instance. Take for example the difference between a call from a loved one saying, “The check engine light came on while I was driving,” versus “I’ve crashed the car out front of the market.”

These situations have different levels of seriousness and therefore demand different levels of treatment. This is where you must let your own assessment win the day. You know the people closest to you, their capabilities, and are uniquely qualified to assess what is needed. The important thing is to talk about it.

If a loved one calls asking for help, the next question out of our mouth should be, “What do you need?” not, “I’m in a meeting,” or “I have a presentation due tomorrow.” Of course, if the thing being interrupted is critical, we must weigh that against the severity of the loved one’s situation. We can be creative and try to find good workarounds.

We might call another family member and pass the problem off to them, but if the loved one is feeling lost or overwhelmed, passing them off will send the message that work is more important than they are. This can create a dynamic best described as, “When I needed you, you weren’t there for me,” which if unaddressed can become the kind of wedge that gradually pushes two people apart.

If you are put in the position of making a difficult choice like this, and you choose to prefer your work over your loved one, it is on you to sit down with them and do what you can to repair any damage to the relationship. This does not mean trying to explain or defend yourself. The only thing they need to hear is, “I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I understand if you were truly angry with me.” Unless an explanation is requested, trying to explain or defend only drives the wedge deeper.

Job 4: As Much as Possible, Be Flexible

What to Do When Life Interferes With Your Personal Development PlanThis goes back to holding things lightly. Some plans require tasks to occur on a strict schedule, and as such must be adhered to, but many plans in life have a measure of flexibility to how they are accomplished, and so that the feeling that there is only one way to get it done may be based on a false assumption.

When life throws you an obstacle, revisit your objectives, and ask yourself what different alternatives might be available to you to overcome the obstacle. When someone realizes something isn’t working, it is the one who discards it and tries something new who is most likely to make progress.

Job 5: Dare to Be Hopeful

Even when the worst happens and we stand in the rubble of our best-laid plans, if we have life and breath, there is still hope. There’s a poem by Rudyard Kipling called “If” which begins with, “If you can keep your head, while all around you are losing theirs and blaming it on you . . . .” Recently, some wag, added, “You obviously don’t understand the situation!”

But there is another part which speaks to ruined plans, “Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools . . . .” This always sounded so sad to me, the brokenness, the loss, the having to start over, with inadequate tools no less.

But that is the point. No matter what kind of setback we have suffered regarding our personal development plan, it is up to us to decide if we will let it stop us, or if we will keep trying until we find a way to move forward. Any personal development plan can fail. But while we have life and breath, we can always make new ones.

Christian Counseling for Growth

If you’d like to meet with a professional Christian counselor to help you establish (or re-establish) your personal development plan, feel free to contact me or one of the other counselors in the counselor directory.

Photos:
“Yellow Leaves”, Courtesy of Melissa Askew, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Twig”, Courtesy of Anshu A, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Through the Lens”, Courtesy of Redcharlie, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Outdoor Meditation”, Courtesy of Milan Popovic, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of David Hodel
Schedule with David
  • Appointment Info

  • Your Info

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

David Hodel

Licensed Mental Health Counselor
(206) 620-1602 davidh@seattlechristiancounseling.com

As a counselor, I seek to be sensitive to my clients’ physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual condition during any given session, following their lead to determine which direction we’ll go with our conversation. I try not to push beyond their capacity, but rather gently guide and point things out as we travel together on the path toward healing and well-being. I provide a welcoming, judgment-free zone in which clients can share their burdens and feel heard and understood. I’d love to chat with you about how you can write a new chapter in your story. Read more articles by David »

Other articles that might interest you...

How to Write a Personal Development Plan 1
Tacoma Christian Counseling

How to Write a Personal Development Plan

A Step-by-Step Guide Personal development is a passion of mine. I love to help clients enhance the quality of their...

continue reading »
How Creating a Personal Development Plan Can Change Your Life 1
Photo of David Hodel

David Hodel

How Creating a Personal Development ...

There’s a saying, “What gets watched gets done, and what gets rewarded gets done again.” We may find it surprisingly...

continue reading »
Career Planning: A Christian Counselor's Perspective on Personal Development
Tacoma Christian Counseling

Career Planning: A Christian ...

Choosing a career path or the next step in your career can be a daunting task. For those who are...

continue reading »

About David

Photo of David Hodel

David Hodel, MA, LMHC, EMDR

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

As a counselor, I seek to be sensitive to my clients’ physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual condition during any given session, following their lead to determine which direction we’ll go with our conversation. I try not to push beyond their capacity, but rather gently guide and point things out as we travel together on the path toward healing and well-being. I provide a welcoming, judgment-free zone in which clients can share their burdens and feel heard and understood. I’d love to chat with you about how you can write a new chapter in your story. View David's Profile

Recent articles by David

  • Mar 18 · 6 Draining Effects of Trauma
  • Dec 23 · What Is EMDR Therapy and How Does it Work?
  • Oct 16 · Identifying Codependency in Friendships
See all articles by David »

Related Services

  • Individual Counseling
  • Personal Development

David's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Online (WA only) office

    Online (WA only)

    General Office Number

    (206) 388-3929
    ,  

    View Office Details
  • Photo of the Tacoma office

    Tacoma

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (253) 777-1997
    621 Pacific Ave,, Suite 302 Tacoma, WA 98402

    View Office Details
Tacoma Christian Counseling Logo
Tacoma Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2025 Tacoma Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
621 Pacific Ave,, Tacoma, WA 98402. Tel (253) 777-1997.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
We are open for business. In person and online counseling are available now.