When Anger Leaves a Trail: Steps Toward Confession, Healing, and Empowerment

Many people think Christians never get angry, or if they become angry, they shouldn’t stay angry. Anger is a strong response to something displeasing. Jesus says, “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33), meaning there will be struggles during our life’s path.

God also says that vengeance belongs to Him (Romans 12:19). God takes on the actionable part of anger because He knows the spiritual, emotional, and physical costs associated with anger. Responses vary depending on the situation and the person, but it’s natural to have some type of response when you feel you’ve been dealt an injustice.

Your anger response lets others know that you’re angry and to what degree, especially if they know you well. And though these responses must manifest respectfully to avoid violence and toxic behavior, communicating your feelings to whom the anger is directed can bring some relief, open communication, and possibly be a step toward resolution.

But what happens when the person you’re angry at isn’t there to talk to? What if the person you want to hang up on never calls? What if the person you want to yell at is in the grave? What if all this anger is pent up inside of you with no hope of release?

Should Christians get angry?

There is a widely accepted belief that Christians should not get angry. Those who hold this view often quote the Bible’s teachings about being slow to anger, being peacemakers, and being long-suffering. It’s unlikely that any Christian would counter that argument. But we aren’t robots either. We were created with feelings.

The Bible speaks quite a bit about anger, but it doesn’t say that we shouldn’t feel it. Feeling angry is a natural human emotion. Even Christ Himself felt righteous anger at the moneychangers in the temple. He overturned their tables in His wrath. The Bible doesn’t condemn anger as an emotion, but gives us guidelines about how to handle it.

“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV). This means that we will feel anger, but it’s what we do with that anger that matters.

How should Christians respond?

If it’s inevitable, even condoned, that you will feel anger, how should you respond? The Bible tells us to be slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19, NIV). All of our reactive responses, like slammed doors and yelling, might not align with God’s Word. If we feel anger welling up inside, it is best to take control of that feeling, examine the true source of the anger, and then respond with godly action.

Godly action means turning your anger over to God. You use prayer and Scripture to guide you to a resolution. Is this a righteous anger, selfish, or sin-based? Ask yourself if you are being motivated by justice and a love for God, as Jesus was in the temple, or are you angry out of selfish motives? Whatever the motivation driving your anger, as a Christian, you need to be quick to forgive and speak your truth gently to avoid stirring up more anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

Being a Christian doesn’t make you a pushover; it gives you guidelines toward a righteous and godly resolution. That often comes in the form of a difficult conversation or establishing boundaries. You might have to tell someone how they’ve hurt you or insist on a set of rules to protect your peace.

But what if you can’t talk it out?

If you’re holding anger toward someone who has blocked you, ghosted you, moved, put a restraining order on you, or has died, you might wonder if the feelings inside of you will ever be satisfied. You might long to have a conversation with them, detailing how they mistreated you or explaining how you feel misunderstood.

But if they aren’t available to receive this information or to interact, you might be left with a tightly wound ball of anger and frustration. In counseling, there’s a technique called the empty chair technique. This technique allows an individual to identify and vocalize difficult emotions such as anger.

An individual speaks to an empty chair, visualizing that there is an individual actually occupying the chair. This technique provides a safe space for emotional expression, insight, and awareness. It can begin to allow greater space for healing and self-discovery.

While you might not be able to spill your heart or explain your feelings to a loved one who has passed away or justify your actions to an ex who has you blocked, you can still get that anger out in a productive way.

If you take the time to carefully, thoughtfully, and thoroughly pour your emotions out, your brain will have nearly the same benefit as it would if you were having the conversation with the person you’re angry with. This can bring the peace you are looking for. Here are some additional ways you can release the anger you hold inside.

Prayer

Prayer is a wonderful way to get that anger out of your heart and head and into the hands of God. Sometimes people think of prayer simply as a laundry list of wants or a formality, but prayer really is a conversation. If you’re feeling angry about something, tell God. Tell God your side of the story, ask for His intervention and peace, and dive into Scripture for further direction. As you’re praying, begin to visualize how you want your life to look when you’re feeling less angry.

Releasing your pent-up thoughts and describing the injustices that have been dealt to you is healing. And what better audience than your loving Heavenly Father, who just so happens to hold the power of the universe in His hands.

Journaling

If you have never tried journaling, you might be surprised at the benefits. If you’re angry at someone you don’t have access to, write it down. Spend as much time as you need, weeks, months even, to lay each feeling down on paper. Recall the incident that made you feel uncomfortable, unheard, or misunderstood. Tell your side of the story.

Journaling forces you to organize your thoughts and slows down your brain processing long enough to find reason and clarity. Write a letter, even if you never send it. Telling your story can sometimes be enough to satisfy your anger, even if no one else will ever hear it.

Therapy

While nothing can replace God’s intervention and peaceful presence, therapy can help you with unresolved anger. Through roleplay and learning about other emotions underneath anger, you can explain your perspective, communicate your anger, and untangle the intricacies of your relationships and situations

A Christian therapist can identify Scriptures and share biblical truths that apply directly to your circumstances. This process will not only give you the satisfaction of being heard but will also provide you with an ally who can share coping skills to get you on the road to recovery.

Forgiveness

While you might never get the apology you’re looking for or have the opportunity to explain your side of the story, you can still forgive. Not by your own limited human abilities but through the never-ending, abundant grace of God. Even if you don’t want to forgive, you can still apply the blood of Jesus to your anger and leave it in His trustworthy hands. Soon, your heart will soften, and peace will grow where anger once lived.

Real Help for Coping with Anger

If you want help and support as you navigate anger, consider talking to a therapist. Contact our office to learn more.