Understanding Mindful Self-Compassion

Mindfulness is about intentionally and purposefully centering your attention on whatever is happening in the present moment and accepting your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations without judging yourself for characteristics you dislike or for not meeting your expectations. It is related to self-compassion.

The way you treat your own heart is the way you will end up treating everyone else’s. – John Eldredge

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is about being less critical and more accepting of yourself and your imperfections. It is about treating yourself kindly instead of harshly in moments of perceived failure, recognizing that messing up or making mistakes is part of being human, and treating yourself with the same empathy and compassion you would extend to a friend having a hard time.

What is the difference between mindfulness and self-compassion?

Mindfulness focuses on the subjective experience of your thoughts, feelings, and senses in response to your outward circumstances. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is about your response to these thoughts and feelings, and offering yourself grace when you don’t react the way you want to.

Both are complementary abilities that help you learn how to stop judging yourself harshly when you feel less-than, and both are linked to better mental health. However, studies have shown that self-compassion has a stronger influence on your emotional well-being.

What is mindful self-compassion?

Mindful self-compassion is a combination of the two. The added awareness created by integrating mindfulness practices, such as being present in the moment and accepting difficult thoughts and emotions without judging or criticizing them, into self-compassion takes things a step further.

It enables you to respond in a more targeted and intentional way that enhances your ability to treat yourself with kindness and empathy, even when you fall short, and is a much more powerful approach than either of them alone.

What are the core components?

According to psychologist and researcher Kristin Neff, mindful self-compassion has three core components: being kind and compassionate toward yourself rather than being judgmental or harshly critical; recognizing that all humans are imperfect, fail, and make mistakes, it’s not just you; and maintaining a balanced view of your difficult thoughts and emotions by acknowledging and accepting them rather than denying, suppressing, or exaggerating them.

What are the benefits?

Studies have found that mindful self-compassion is strongly associated with mental and emotional well-being; increased feelings of contentment, optimism, and connectedness; and a decrease in negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, and fear of failure.

Mindful self-compassion helps you see things from a more objective perspective that recognizes faults and failings as part of being human instead of exaggerating or personalizing them and enables you to respond to yourself with the same kindness and care you would extend to a friend rather than with harsh self-criticism. Being able to respond gently to your own struggles and imperfections enables you to be more compassionate and empathetic toward others as well.

Mindful self-compassion also increases your resilience and ability to cope with tough situations, enables you to admit your mistakes and see them as learning opportunities rather than failures, and motivates you to move forward and look for new solutions instead of being harsh and critical and berating yourself for every small misstep.

What is the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion?

One big difference between self-esteem and self-compassion might well be the difference between pride and humility. Both involve having a positive view of yourself that contributes to your psychological well-being, but their core focus is different.

Self-esteem is connected to your sense of self-worth, which is defined by how confident you feel about yourself and your abilities. There is a need to feel special and above average, which is contingent on external validation, how others perceive you, and how you feel you compare to others.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, is centered on recognizing and accepting your flaws and blunders as part of being human and treating yourself kindly regardless of perceived successes or failures.

It is not based on judging yourself or anyone else, and positive feelings about yourself do not evaporate when you mess up or things go wrong, making it a more stable and resilient feeling than self-esteem, which tends to fluctuate according to external factors, the opinions of others, and how you feel you measure up.

Is mindful self-compassion biblical?

Christians are often wary of the term mindfulness because of its connection to Buddhist practices. They link the concept of self-compassion to it as well, and dismiss both as being unbiblical. However, depending on your perspective, mindful self-compassion can be a mentally healthy mindset for Christians, as well.

Basically, mindfulness means intentionally focusing your attention on the present moment without allowing yourself to be distracted by other thoughts or concerns. The idea is to become aware of what your thoughts and feelings are right now, without judging them. Used wisely in a way that is rooted in Scripture, it does not automatically contradict a Biblical worldview.

Several verses throughout the Bible support mindfulness as a positive option for managing stress and developing a healthier thought life. Scriptures such as the following emphasize the importance of being present in the moment and aware of your thoughts to make sure that they are in line with God’s Word.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:2, NIV

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5, ESV

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23, NIV

Jesus also exhorts us to stay focused on the moment instead of worrying about the future, as worrying cannot change anything. He reminds us to trust God to provide the strength and everything else we need when we need it, not ahead of time.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? – Luke 12:25-26, NIV

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:34, NIV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. – Philippians 4:6-8, NIV

For the Christian, mindful self-compassion is recognizing the ongoing struggle between your sinful nature and your desire to follow God, acknowledging it as part of being human, and offering yourself grace, compassion, and understanding rather than self-criticism and condemnation.

It enables you to accept the grace and forgiveness God offers for your sin through Jesus’ death on the cross and internalize the love and acceptance He has for you instead of considering yourself unworthy and beating yourself up every time you make a mistake or stumble.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8, NIV

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. – Romans 8:1, NIV

Mindful self-compassion enables us to receive and internalize God’s love so we can extend it to others and fulfill Jesus’ exhortation to love others as we love ourselves.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these. – Mark 12:30-31, NIV

Hopefully, this article has helped answer your questions about mindful self-compassion. Although you don’t need to be in a structured program to cultivate it, a trained mental health professional can facilitate the process by helping you recognize the voice of your inner critic and replace harsh, belittling self-talk with a kinder, more realistic monologue.

If you would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location, please don’t hesitate to give us a call.