Overcoming Childhood Bullying and Its Effects

If you are reading this article, there’s a high probability that you have been a victim of bullying. The good news is that you’re here. You have taken the time to research information about how to overcome the consequences of your trauma on the internet, and that is proof that you not only recognize and acknowledge your trauma but that you are actively pursuing a solution.

Let’s start with the advice that you expect. Most Christian therapists will provide you with much of the same advice: to truly heal from childhood trauma, including bullying, you have to be willing to acknowledge that the trauma existed, forgive the abuser, and trust in the Lord’s love, kindness, and mercy. To fully heal, you need to find your identity in the Lord and trust Him for complete healing.

This advice is good and helpful, but many victims don’t know where to go from there. For many, there’s a disconnect between hearing what it takes to heal and knowing what to do, and then knowing how to do it. This step-by-step guide will show you how to finally put childhood bullying in the rearview mirror and focus your eyes on the beautiful road ahead.

Steps to Overcome the Effects of Childhood Bullying

Recognize and label your trauma

The good news is that because you are reading this article, you’ve already taken the first step of recognizing that you have had trauma and you have been affected by it. The hardest part is done. Recognizing the fact that you have had childhood trauma is key to overcoming it.

For some people, childhood bullying has resulted in insecurity or an unexplained fear of social situations or getting close to people. Realizing that some of the symptoms that you are experiencing in your adult life are a direct result of the trauma you endured at the hands of your childhood bully is the first step in overcoming your past.

On the surface, bullying sounds like a simple concept, but when you break it down and analyze it more deeply, you will realize that it can be quite complex. The trauma that has taken root in you is likely the result of multiple episodes of bullying or a long-term, toxic relationship.

Try to identify the exact reason for your negative emotions. Was it an impactful, one-time incident that made you feel embarrassed or lonely? Or was it a series of incidents with the same person who has developed a negative response in you?

Ask yourself the hard questions. What emotions are you feeling? That question is more difficult than you might believe. Mislabeling emotions is common and can lead to incorrect solutions. Are you feeling insecure due to trauma, or are you experiencing a typical dose of self-doubt?

Maybe there are external and behavioral signs that need to be addressed. Do you notice that you lack social skills or withdraw from relationships because you don’t want to get too close to someone, or are you just an introverted personality?

If you keep your social circle small, it could be because you were betrayed by a good friend. If you’re having a difficult time in your romantic relationship, it could be because you were married to a toxic spouse. Or maybe you were teased because of a weight issue, and now you don’t like eating around other people, which interferes with your social life. Think long and hard about the symptoms limiting or intruding on your life and trace them back to their roots.

There are hundreds of possible outcomes from being bullied, so take some time and be thoughtful about labeling your responses and the trauma that caused them. Pray that God will help you identify your responses and emotions accurately and pray for wisdom to find the path to recovery.

Seeking professional counseling from a Christian therapist is beneficial in identifying both the cause and effect of your emotions and habits. Not only do therapists have specialized skills to help you identify your responses, but they also help your inner child know that they are not alone in having to overcome this trauma.

A professional therapist can help you identify specific aspects of your traumatic experiences that were most damaging and offer helpful tips to overcome them for your unique situation.

Make a plan

Now that you know more about the symptoms and the trauma that caused them, it’s time to make a plan for healing. This might sound vague and somewhat difficult, but it’s nearly impossible for someone else to tell you what your unique path is, especially without context and details.

This is one reason to seek Christian counseling. Because every person has had a different trauma and unique response, every person has a different path to recovery. Don’t be discouraged because all roads to recovery may look different, but they have similar steps. The great part is that you get to find the way through the complicated maze of consequences to recovery in your own special way and with support.

Brainstorm with your counselor, or even on your own, the possible steps to your unique recovery and set small, manageable goals. These goals serve as periodic checkpoints that can help you see progress and help you feel accomplished.

As you formulate your plan, record your thoughts and emotions in a nice journal and decorate it with colorful stickers, encouraging quotes, and even photographs to make it engaging. Having a written journal of your feelings may help you and your therapist recognize patterns and triggers for your positive and negative emotions.

Pray

Next, turn to prayer. The Lord is the only one who can truly empathize with you. He was there when you were bullied, even though you may not have felt Him. He was there when you were crying at night because of something someone said. And He’s with you now to help you heal.

What your bully meant as negative can be turned into something positive in your life. God can take the broken pieces and mend them together so they are stronger and more beautiful than ever before.

Forgive

Now it’s time to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you completely let the bully off the hook or go back into a relationship with them. But forgiveness takes the power away from the incident and the abuser and puts it back in your hands. Forgiveness releases you, not them. Forgiveness may look like a generous act, and it can be, but forgiveness is also an act of self-preservation.

Even if you don’t mean it, say the words in your head, “I forgive you.” There’s beauty and power in that forgiveness. Someday, you will be able to authentically forgive your aggressor. Maybe your active forgiveness will cause them to turn to God when they see that you overcame the abuse.

The Fun Part

Time for a fun step in your recovery plan. This is where you get to start living your life abundantly and freely. This is where you can start working on mending the inner child and the broken parts of your life. Now that you’ve identified your areas of weakness, it’s time to attack them. Attack them through therapy, prayer, scripture reading, and practical steps. Here are some examples.

• If you have social anxiety, challenge yourself to join a social club at church.
• If you’re struggling in your romantic life because of past trauma, seek out a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, without seeking romance.
• Body image issues? Get a makeover and take steps toward a healthier lifestyle, such as joining a gym or finding a walking buddy.
• Volunteer for a non-profit organization to grow in confidence, skills, or decision-making.
• If you feel stuck in your career, actively look for ways to advance your career or gain additional training.
• Don’t feel loved? Start a Bible study focused on God’s infinite love for you.

Don’t just live in the trauma you’ve been given, but take intentional steps in a positive direction to help yourself shed the chains of the past. God is there to help you identify your traumas, recover from the consequences, and forgive those who have wronged you.

Living a victorious life, even after derailing experiences, is a wonderful testimony of God’s everlasting, all-encompassing love. He is the potter who can make beautiful vessels, even out of broken pieces of clay.

If you are ready to walk through this type of healing with a Christian counselor or therapist, call our office today. The counselors at our location are ready to help you overcome childhood bullying.