Do you often feel left out at work or in social situations? Do you become bombarded with thoughts that you will never have a best friend or trusted companion? Do you often feel you are missing that person you can call for advice when things feel out of control in your life? Do you currently feel stuck in the wilderness – unsure of who to talk to and where to go next?
Satan wants us to believe so many things during difficult seasons like these:
- That we are not good enough.
- That people do not care about us.
- That we will never be a great friend.
- That we will never fit in.
- That we cannot trust people.
- That we are too messed up to reveal our past to others.
- That we will never feel pretty.
We must redirect those negative thoughts from Satan and replace them with God’s truths:
- We are not too far gone.
- We are not too broken.
- We can find healing.
- There is hope.
- Some people care.
- There are people worth investing in.
- We are fearfully and wonderfully made.
- We are beautiful and made in His image.
- He can use us to make a difference.
- We can find authentic relationships.
- There are good friends out there.
Sometimes we become so consumed with comparison that we forget to invest in what God has placed before our very eyes.
- Our marriages.
- Our parents.
- Our siblings.
- Our church family.
- Our co-workers.
- Our neighbors.
- Our everyday encounters.
Here are some things to consider if you are dealing with thoughts of loneliness, worthlessness, and feeling like an inadequate friend abandoned in the wilderness during difficult seasons:
Take relationships with the mindset of one step at a time.
It can be all too easy to see the friendships of those who have been best friends for years and compare ourselves to what they have. Why don’t we have someone who completes our sentences and shows up for us when we are trudging through the trenches of life before we ask them to?
These kinds of relationships take time and can be developed with the mindset of one step at a time. It might start with one raw and vulnerable conversation. It might mean going out of your way to show up for them in the trenches. Setting the foundation for a trusted friendship is the beginning of the journey.
Every relationship faces difficult seasons.
You must recognize and accept that every relationship faces difficult seasons, difficult conversations, and difficult moments of working through their differences. In a world filled with dote-on-your-best-friend social media posts, it can be easy to compare yourself to what they appear to have.
It is easy to see other women post about how amazing their husband is and how he always brings flowers and takes her on surprise date nights, only to leave you wondering what you are doing wrong to miss these elements in your relationship.
Every relationship needs honest and vulnerable conversations, even when it is difficult to start. Every relationship needs to talk about expectations and wants. To truly thrive in any relationship, you must be willing to accept being uncomfortable from time to time. That means you are growing, learning, and trying to improve what you have.
There might never be the “perfect” time to have difficult conversations.When someone has hurt you, when someone has betrayed you, or when you must admit something difficult to someone you love; it is important not to run and hide. While it will never feel easy and your heart may beat a little faster as you try to muster up the words, conversations need to be had.
Too often, people try to wait for the perfect moment to admit something or have a difficult conversation, but when it comes to difficult conversations, it might never feel like the perfect moment. The best way to enter a difficult conversation is to ask God for strength and pray about what you want to say and how you should say it.
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you rather than your hurts. Ask the Holy Spirit to move in both of your hearts so you can listen, empathize with, and speak truth to one another. Start the conversation with prayer and invite the Holy Spirit to guide your tongue and soften your hearts.
Do not change who God created you to be to fit into a relationship.
When you go through seasons of trying to decipher what relationships are real and what feels fake, it is important not to compromise your morals. It is important to remain true to who God created you to be. If you feel that you need to gossip constantly to fit in with a group of friends, that might not be the best group of friends for you. If you feel like it is suddenly uncool to attend church, then it might be time to reevaluate your closest friendships.
Strive for real relationships where you strive to make one another better. Strive for relationships where you support one another’s marriages, dreams, and faith. Strive to show the real you, even if at that moment, you feel weak for admitting something. It takes true strength to show vulnerabilities, which in turn, builds trust in your relationships.
Try to make memories in the wilderness.
If you currently feel like you are in the wilderness when it comes to trusted friendships, then it might be a great time to spend quality time with God and build that utter dependence and reliance on Him. Ask Him to guide your relationships. Ask Him to bring the right people in your path. Ask Him to guide you so you can minister to others in whatever season of life they are in. Ask God to bring you closer to your spouse.
Diana Trautwein said, “I know this to be true: even in the wilderness, God is at work. Even here.”
Sometimes it takes those moments of utter dependence on Jesus to refocus our hearts and redirect our steps. Sometimes we are searching for the perfect relationships when there is much work to be done in our current ones. We can start with our marriages, siblings, and children. Those are relationships that we often overlook because they see us in the day-to-day. They see us at our worst.
Christian counseling for difficult seasons
You are not alone on your journey to create authentic and lasting relationships. Perhaps you are dealing with the baggage of an abusive past or still grieving the loss of your most trusted friendship – we are here to aid you in your journey. A Christian counselor can aid you in your path to healing, which will only open your heart more to the people God places in your path.
Scriptures on friendships and lasting relationships
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. – Proverbs 17:17
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” – 1 Corinthians 15:33
Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. – Proverbs 27:9
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. – Proverbs 13:20
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. – Hebrews 10:24-25
A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. – Proverbs 16:28
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. – 1 Peter 4:8-10
Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. – Proverbs 17:9
One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. – Proverbs 12:26
“Four Friends”, Courtesy of Gemma Chua-Tran, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Posse”, Courtesy of Joel Muniz, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Coffee Klatch”, Courtesy of LinkedIn Sales Solutions, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Friendship”, Courtesy of Zoe, Unsplash.com, CC0 License