4 Reasons Why Self-Awareness is Key to Healthy Relationships

Many people need to possess self-awareness skills. Self-awareness is critical to healthy relationships. Self-awareness means we are in tune with our thoughts, feelings, and emotions regarding our issues.

Sometimes traumatic events that occur in our childhood but have gone unprocessed can affect how we view the world and interact with people today. Self-awareness can help us pinpoint if problems affecting us today are connected to emotional trauma, unresolved wounds, or pain that needs to be processed.

Self-awareness is vital when it comes to healthy relationships because, without it, we project our pain and trauma onto other people. However, because we can process our pain and trauma either alone or with the help of a professional, we’re able to resolve this issue so we can have healthy relationships. Here are five reasons self-awareness is critical to healthy relationships:

It helps us deal with past trauma

Our childhood plays a significant role in how we see our world. Your childhood shaped who you are today. Many of your perceptions about who you are and your relationships with others, mainly those you love, result from how you dealt with your parents.

If, for example, you are someone who had parents who were not present in your life or you had an abusive childhood, it will significantly affect your relationships today. By having good self-awareness, when a person speaks negatively to you, you will notice how it makes you feel and realize that your reaction stems from a situation that happened in your past.

When that past issue is resolved, you can deal with that situation separately instead of projecting the pain from the unresolved past situation onto the new person. By looking at your past, you can resolve your traumatic events in a way that does not affect your daily life today. Self-awareness allows you more freedom to build relationships with friends and loved ones, without allowing your past to become a part of your future.

It allows us to draw boundaries

Boundaries are a buzzword in today’s world. However, boundaries are important, especially in relationships. While no person is perfect, you must understand who should have access to the more vulnerable parts of you and who should not. A person who only takes from a relationship rather than gives or is constantly negative or degrading toward you is not someone you want to have as a friend.

It is essential to draw boundaries to these toxic people so that they do not wreak havoc in your life. It is easy to take what someone says as truth if someone says it enough. As you become desensitized to someone’s degradation, you could begin to believe it.

However, someone who understands the importance of healthy boundaries can draw them in appropriate ways. For example, the person who needs to draw a boundary with a toxic person may allow them limited access to their lives. They may limit their social media access, only meet with them at certain times, and moderate how often they answer messages from the person.

Just because you must draw boundaries with someone does not mean you have to cut them out of your life completely. As Christians, we must seek restoration and peace in every relationship. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

However, it is necessary to cut a toxic person off from your life. Some people lack the self-awareness to understand that they need to change. If someone decides not to take responsibility in their relationship, it is time to cut them off.

It allows you to develop a healthy self-concept

Self-concept develops in childhood. However, if someone doesn’t have people who invest in them emotionally or mentally, he or she may not have the skills to have a healthy self-concept. They may have poor self-esteem and rely on others for attention and approval. This need for approval will lead to enabling behavior and other self-deprecating behaviors that do not allow them to be free to be themselves.

However, a person who becomes more self-aware will understand that their self-concept and self-esteem come from other issues besides a troubled relationship. For example, someone with a poor self-concept can often trace it back to a situation in which they had someone condemn them or degrade them. A person who has been abused may also have issues with their self-concept.

However, just because a person’s self-concept was not developed appropriately in childhood or their teens, does not mean they cannot create it now. Having a self-concept means you must be aware of these issues in your life.

By openly sharing them with others, you make those situations real. A healthy self-concept begins when someone is open and honest regarding their struggles and things they have been through, and their self-concept cannot be healthy if they decide to hide, blame, or deny traumatic behavior for fear or that it’s too painful to talk about.

A person with a healthy self-concept can understand that they are lovable exactly as they are. Although they may have their flaws and weaknesses like everyone else, they are valued and lovable enough not to receive a person’s abuse or trauma. A person with a healthy self-concept will also not subject themselves to any future traumatic experiences even if the abuse feels normal to them.

It helps you take responsibility

People who do not have a healthy self-concept will want to rope someone into taking responsibility for things that are not theirs. This unhealthy behavior is where boundaries come in. This behavior also demonstrates the need to develop a healthy self-concept.

Self-awareness allows someone to look at a situation with sober judgment. When they look at the problem, they can look at the parts that were sinful or that they should not have done. They can forgive themselves and move on from the situation. However, they will not accept responsibility for things that are not theirs.

This understanding is essential to being a healthy person and developing good relationships. To have a healthy relationship, you must take responsibility and apologize for the parts for which you are at fault. However, you do not have to take on responsibility for the things that are not yours to own.

For example, someone who has a conflict with another person can take responsibility for their negative words in reaction to the other person’s negativity. However, a self-aware person should not accept responsibility for someone’s feelings getting hurt or for someone not liking what they say.

A person mustn’t take on misplaced shame. The person can be ashamed of the parts they need to own. However, if the person did something without evil intention or repented of the behavior, it is not suitable for them to continue to carry on that shame. Self-awareness allows someone to see a situation for what it is and will enable them to feel guilt, take appropriate action, and then resolve the shame.

Self-awareness is a skill that takes time to develop. Self-awareness means seeing yourself for who you indeed are, warts and all. When people can love themselves even with their weaknesses and flaws and feel they do not have to be perfect to get other people’s love and approval, they genuinely understand what it means to be self-aware. The self-aware person can enjoy enriched, loving relationships because they are living in a safe and healthy space.

Would you like to grow in self-awareness and self-concept? Speaking to a Christian counselor can help. Reach out to our office and schedule your initial risk-free appointment today.