5 Realities of Living with ADHD

It is common for many living with ADHD to avoid talking about their experiences. This might be because they are afraid of being perceived as high-maintenance, weird, or lazy. It could be that they feel embarrassed. There is a lot of shame, frustration, and feeling different when you are not neurotypical. Unfortunately, society doesn’t always seem to understand ADHD or neurodivergence.

Certain realities of living with ADHD are normal, expected, and understandable, given the condition. Perhaps hearing about them will help to dispel the shame or embarrassment of living with them. Talking about them might dispel myths that society has about ADHD. While it can be helpful to look for the positives, sometimes it’s meaningful to feel “seen” and understood in the struggle. Before someone with ADHD can feel accepted, sometimes they simply need to be seen.

Five Realities of Living with ADHD

People with ADHD might struggle in the workplace

ADHD affects a person’s abilities to perform tasks, retain information, and plan. Most of these abilities are essential to many jobs. Failing to meet expectations will impact evaluations and employment status. Some companies are recognizing and investing in understanding mental health and neurodivergence, but most still value productivity over empathy.

Feeling unemployable or as if you are underperforming deeply impacts feeling of self-worth. It’s not uncommon for people with ADHD to feel like a liability. Some cannot cope in a fast-paced, task-oriented workplace. There will be certain jobs and work environments that people with ADHD will be able to thrive and even outperform their colleagues, but there are other environments where they may just not be successful.

Relationships and friendships can sometimes be hard for people with ADHD

It can take years for those with ADHD to fully understand themselves and how ADHD manifests in their lives. It’s hardly surprising that others might struggle to understand. People are like icebergs in that only a small percentage of who they are is ever visible, while most of who we are remains out of sight, below the surface.

When a neurodivergent person forgets about social plans more than once or can’t get through a dinner-and-a-movie date without going mad with boredom, it might appear rude and selfish on the surface. Few people take the time to try to understand why a person is acting the way they are or if their actions have caused pain.

In addition to this, many with ADHD fear rejection. It can be frustrating. It may mean that social risks are never taken for fear of getting hurt. However, keeping away from intimacy, can bring another kind of pain. A lot of the time, people with ADHD understand how our actions have affected our partner or friends (as in the case of forgetting about social plans or a date), but we don’t know how to improve our behavior.

ADHD is an executive function deficit. The brain of a person with ADHD is quite literally wired differently from most people. On some tasks, the ADHD brain has to work harder to do the same thing that neurotypical people do. Without a patient and empathetic friend or partner, those with ADHD may struggle to maintain meaningful connections.

ADHD can affect a person’s sex drive

If ADHD can affect relationships on a social level, then it can certainly impact a sexual relationship, too. Someone with ADHD will likely be more impulsive, have big emotions, and can also have distracted thoughts. Many times, people with ADHD can hyperfocus, too, and become fixated on an idea.

ADHD can result in someone either having an insatiable sex drive (hypersexual) or lacking one almost entirely (hyposexual). They might also swing between the two extremes, making for an unpredictable sexual experience in the relationship.

It should be said that there is no “normal” as far as sex drive and relationships go. Every couple must determine what is acceptable for themselves, in terms of how frequently they engage in intercourse, and how often they expect it from the other. This is easier said than done for some, and that is without the unpredictable nature that neurodivergence can cause.

People with ADHD might be disordered or inconsistent with hygiene

Hygiene is often a deeply personal aspect of someone’s life and the ADHDer is no different. Living with ADHD often means struggling to complete the simplest of everyday tasks, especially the ones that are repetitive or boring. The ADHD brain prioritizes stimulation and enjoyment over organization and planning. This means that repetitive tasks like housework, cleaning, tidying, and even showering can be a challenge for someone with ADHD.

It’s not that those with ADHD are messy, dirty, or lazy. Many try hard with hygiene and housework. They begin tasks like vacuuming or tidying, only to become distracted by a podcast, or social media app, or finding old knickknacks in their bedroom from times past.

In the shower, they might have music playing and they get so involved in singing and performing along with the songs that forty minutes in, they still haven’t touched the soap. When the “vibe” on the playlist changes, so does their mood and they might leave the shower at that point to find more stimulating media, without having washed their hair or scrubbed their armpits.

Going back to the iceberg analogy, hygiene is a particularly sore point for many ADHDers because people will judge them if they appear unkempt or if they smell unwashed. This is the part of them that sticks above the water and is judged, while the largest part of who they are (and the part that provides context to their poor hygiene) remains under the water, out of sight.

People with ADHD may forget that they haven’t washed all their body parts, only to become uncomfortably aware that they smell at work, in public, or with their friends. Obviously, at this point, there is little they can do except to douse themselves in perfume and keep physical distance from everyone where possible.

People with ADHD can have poor impulse control which may lead to financial struggles

On the topic of having a pleasure-seeking brain, those with ADHD are notorious for having poor impulse control. This can cause complications in many ways, but perhaps the most difficult to deal with is the financial struggles it can cause. In these days of online shopping, where every app has a marketplace and credit card companies encourage your spending, ADHDers stand little chance.

Unlike gambling addiction, or being a shopaholic, ADHD struggles with spending does not come as a coping mechanism. Rather it is the symptom of a nervous system that is eagerly seeking the next dopamine rush and thrill. Likewise, when shopping the immediate thing before them might grab their attention and excitement with limited impulse control to move on.

In addition to the online splurges and budget-busting antics, some with ADHD might struggle to remember what they have purchased. They go from an online shopping to the next stimulating activity, forgetting what they have ordered until it arrives in the mail a few days later.

Finances are frequently the source of conflict in relationships, and it would take an understanding and patient partner to understand ADHD impulsive behavior and to find a way to help manage it.

Support for Living with ADHD

Living with ADHD is sometimes a constant struggle, for both the person with the condition and those that love them, too. It is made all the more complicated in a society that doesn’t have the patience or empathy to understand neurodivergence. I

For the person who lives with ADHD, there is the tyranny of constant self-judgement over behaviors that feel like a series of mistakes and bad decisions, just out of reach of their control. Likewise, there is the fear of judgment from others. Living with ADHD can be a lonely and frustrating experience. Those with ADHD will be helped greatly from the support of friends, family, and loved ones.

If you or someone you know is living with ADHD, they might benefit from counseling. Having someone patient and empathetic can be helpful when it comes to unpacking shame, anxiety, or anger surrounding living with ADHD.

It’s also helpful to have an experienced person act as a sounding board for coping tactics for living with ADHD. If this describes you or your loved one, reach out to our offices today to schedule an appointment with a skilled therapist who understands ADHD.