9 Tips to Improve Communication in a Relationship

A healthy relationship doesn’t get there by accident. It usually takes consistent effort and habits that help to nurture the sense of connection, delight, and mutual understanding that healthy relationships are made of. People in healthy relationships may not be conscious of it, but specific actions and postures help to make those relationships fruitful. Learning to improve communication is a huge part of that.

Good communication is the lifeblood of a healthy relationship. Intimacy is fostered when people can share their grievances, hopes, aspirations, and deepest joys with each other. When two people can work through conflict successfully, it strengthens the relationship as they weather storms and reach a new appreciation for one another. There are some strategies that you can implement to have better communication.

Communication is harder than you think

When you pause and think about it, being able to communicate with other people can be hard. At face value, communication seems easy; you’re trading words and non-verbal cues with another person so that you understand one another. Hidden beneath all that is a lot of complexity, and there are many reasons why what we want to say and what gets heard aren’t necessarily the same thing.

We are all the same, in the sense that we’re all made in God’s image, and worthy of dignity and respect. We are to love others as we love ourselves, and how we treat other people reflects our relationship with the Lord (Matthew 22:34-40; 1 John 4:7-21). This is a fundamental principle that can help us in communicating with others. It should help us foster patience, empathy, and compassion in our interactions with others.

However, while we are the same, we are also different from each other. We don’t always mean the same thing when we use a word. Sometimes, we fail to hear what someone is saying because they’ve hurt us, or because of some other bias against them. When you’re feeling tired or hungry, that also affects your perception and ability to understand. We may also have bad habits like listening poorly or constantly interrupting.

There are many different ways that communication can go awry, and it’s not always any one person’s fault. Sometimes, people just miss each other, because they are in different head spaces, because of a simple mistake misreading a cue or word in a text, and so on. That being said, there are some things you can do to improve communication in your relationship.

Ways to Improve Communication

You don’t necessarily have to try to be a bad communicator. It is a huge ask, when you think about it, for you to perfectly express your thoughts and feelings to someone who’s not inside your mind. To be fair, sometimes it’s hard even for us to understand ourselves and the movements of our hearts and minds. There are some tips you can implement to help improve your communication. These include the following:

Practice mindfulness and presence Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who’s clearly not invested in what you’re saying? Sometimes it’s better to excuse yourself than to be partly present in the moment. Practicing mindfulness and presence can help you to stay focused and engaged in a conversation. Reduce or block out the distractions around you, to help you focus on the here and now.

Reducing distractions and trying to be fully present when interacting with your partner can greatly enhance your communication. Put your phone or laptop away, find a quiet space, and make good eye contact while leaning in toward your loved one.

Use “I” statements The words you use to convey ideas matter. Strategically using a word like “and” instead of “but” can prevent you from coming across as dismissive, for example. It also helps to use “I” instead of “you” statements.

Consider the difference between “I feel hurt when I’m not included in your plans”, and “You always exclude me from plans and do what you want.” Using “I” statements can allow you to express difficult emotions like sadness, hurt, or anger, without necessarily sounding accusatory or as though you’re placing blame.

Clarify your expectations and assumptions Often, conflict arises because of unmet expectations and unnamed assumptions. Some things that seem normal or natural to you could be strange and unexpected to another person. Different people have different ways of expressing affection and gratitude, when and how to perform certain chores, how to express displeasure, and so on.

To improve your communication, make a concerted effort to clarify your assumptions and expectations with your loved ones, and be open to feedback and compromise. This is an ongoing dialogue in a relationship, and you’ll continue to learn and discover more of your hidden expectations and assumptions as you continue to interact and do life together.

Show your appreciation and gratitude Communication can be greatly supported or hindered by the environment it happens in. If you and your partner express gratitude and appreciation for one another, acknowledging each other’s various efforts, that can create a supportive and positive environment. Warmth toward one another can help you when you need to overcome challenges and miscommunication.

Practice forgiveness and apologizing You’ll inevitably put a foot or two wrong in your relationship. Be willing to apologize when you mess up, even if it was an accident or mistake. Also be willing to forgive, as that helps you overcome resentment and anger, which can degrade communication. Forgiveness helps to maintain healthy communication.

Practice self-care When you’re intentional about your communication, it can be quite draining emotionally, particularly in times of conflict. One way to maintain healthy communication is to prioritize taking breaks and practicing self-care for your emotional well-being. It’s okay to put a pin in a conversation and come back to it when you’ve both taken a step back to rest and gather yourselves.

Use humor and playfulness In tense situations, being funny or playful can create a more relaxed environment by diffusing tension. Lightening the mood can do you both some good. As with any helpful tool, it’s good to know when best to deploy it, and when to tone it down. Forms of humor like sarcasm don’t always go over well but laughing at yourself and not taking yourself seriously often works well.

Seek feedback and be open to criticism You and your loved one are not perfect. By God’s grace, you are growing, learning, and becoming a better version of yourself. A key part of growth is to seek feedback and remain open to criticism. This can help you improve as a communicator, but also generally as a human being in God’s world.

When your loved one shares their feedback, be willing to listen to what they have to say and make changes where necessary. In small ways and big ways, you’ll improve your ability to communicate.

Celebrate your successes and milestones Just as forgiveness and showing appreciation for one another help foster a healthy environment in which communication happens, celebrating together also helps nurture positive and loving communication. When you mark happy times, you build shared memories, creating deeper connections.

Take the time to celebrate; not only things like birthdays and anniversaries but your loved one’s accomplishments and other meaningful milestones. Sharing the heights of life together strengthens you to face the lows together as well.

Your Communication Matters: Couples Counseling in Puyallup

Poor communication in a relationship opens you up to being disconnected, and conflict that’s more frequent and likely more intense. Taking the tips outlined above and making them part of the DNA of your relationship helps to strengthen your relationship and build trust as you create a loving and supportive environment for honest and open communication.

If you and your beloved are at odds and struggling to communicate well, you don’t have to attempt to turn things around by yourselves. A Christian couples counselor in Puyallup, Washington can help you with your communication, guiding you to discern unhelpful patterns in how you relate, and helping you to nurture healthy communication habits.

To learn more about improving communication with the help of a couples counselor in Puyallup, Washington, contact our office today.